Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Learning123]

Hey Hopelives,

I get you, I asked that question many times myself and I battled with the concept of focusing on me when someone I love some much was suffering, and a friend said this to me "what possible use are you to anyone when you are like this?" and that was enough for me. I know it's not that simple but for me something just clicked, I could not go on the way I had. I wish you all the best with your husband and I hope he gets out of his dark place, the comment about the children is reassuring though and I hope that helps you to trust that he will keep fighting.

x

 

[Learning123]

I will just add to that Hopelives, I can't say whether focusing on you is the right thing to do because I obv don't know how ill your husband is, or enough about your situation.... I am just explaining why focusing on me helped myelf and my ex. Everyone is different I guess, I think only you know what is best for you and your situation, and how long you can go on feeling the way you do. But I do hope it works out well for you (big hugs)

 

[Jawn]

I guess it's time for another update. I was put on happy pills a couple of weeks ago and they really seem to be helping me. I feel like I can think more clearly and my focus at work is MUCH better. My wife emailed me Friday that she is meeting with an attorney on Monday to get "educated" and we can get together after that to figure out how we want to divide stuff up. I just hope at this point we can keep it friendly and agree on stuff 'cause I sure don't want it to turn ugly. She is thinking we only need 1 attorney to draw up the paperwork on how to move retirement funds around in the settlement. Everything else she said we can figure out on our own. I hope so.

So, things are better at work (not great but better) and it appears we will be ending the marriage soon. I guess this means closure and time to move on with my life. There have been some positives, a person I know that owns 2 Subway's is looking for someone to be their partner on a 3rd store. So who knows, once the divorce is final maybe I will take on a new career challenge as well. It's an idea anyway.

I went to breakfast this morning at a local pub and the waitress recognized me as I have been coming in every weekend for a while now. She asked if I wanted my normal drink and I said yes. Then she came over to get my order and chatted with me for a minute. When she brought me the check, she asked if I was single. I told her "almost" and told her I was getting divorced. She told me when I was ready to date to give her a call......yes she gave me her number. So that put a smile on my face today. I also had a similar incident earlier this week only it was from someone I have known for many years (almost 40). So hey, maybe things are looking up already, although I know this divorce stuff won't be easy and I'm certainly NOT ready for another relationship, but going out and having fun would be good. Heck, maybe even get laid!

Any way, that's what's been happening the past couple of weeks for me.

Jawn

 

[ISupportHer]

Happy pills, eh? Can you send a PM and send me a few in an attachment? :D

I do hope that the divorce is amicable. It CAN be done. My sister and her Ex used one lawyer that had experience in it. Actually, I think he was a retired Judge or something. The 2 were in different rooms for part of it and this lawyer went back and fort, negotiating. Reminded me of buying a house, LOL. Offers and the counter-offers back and forth until an agreement was reach. It only works if there is that ability to negotiate but it's so much less expensive. Of course, as you know, if there is one lawyer, it has to be a negotiator, not a lawyer employed by one party and not just have that one person's interests in mind.

But the good part, that I see, is that the 2 of you have not been fighting and it is in no way like so many angry divorces.

I hope the other things go your way too. As for dating eventually, yes, it is awesome that there are possibilities. I guess I will tell you what I told one of my Chat Friends after a breakup of massive proportions. She had doubts after the breakup. It kind of made her doubt that she could be loved again, WOULD be loved again. I told her to be herself and that the person she IS would be a magnet for others. Not to force it, if you know what I mean? It is early for you really. But although you and I don't talk a lot, I can tell that the same goes for you. Be yourself, and the warmth of your personality will be a magnet for others. They already see it,, don't they! Since you are getting phone numbers already!

OK MAN HUG!!!!!!!!

((((HUG)))

ROFL

ISH

 

[amethist]

I am sorry it has come to this Jawn.

Maybe taking the "Happy Pills" was not on the agenda, but stick with them for as long as you need to. They will help you get through the tough times with all thats going on right now. I went down this road when I divorced my ex, not impressed with my doctors suggestion, but so glad I took her advice at the time.

My advice to you is to take your time with EVERYTHING, signing legal papers, making decisions about your divorce even dating again. This would be best left for a few months, someone once told me it would be at least 2 years before I felt like going on a proper date. It was just over 2 years when I did, maybe a women thing, but it felt OK and the right time for me then.

Go out and have some fun with a group of friends. As for the, well you know, go careful, so many women out there who just want another notch on the bed post. Then go round telling the world and his wife what they did, with who at the weekend.

Take care of yourself big time.

((((HUGS)))) from me too.

Amethist

 

[KP the nut]

I am also sorry it has come to this.

Don't rush things, keep taking the happy pills.

A trite saying but take time to find Jawn, to be you. Indulge yourself and be a bit selfish.

Go out and have fun but be safe (OMG as my girls say I'm going into 'Mummy mode')

HUGS
KP

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jawn,

Sounds like your doing OK. Just take care of you, and take your time.

Thinking of you.

Deb

 

[Nicolette]

I'm reading...at a loss with what to say as yet. Take care Jawn.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Thinking of you Jawn. Sorry you are having to go through this. Please do take your time on EVERYTHING. Use caution and take care of yourself. I do sincerely hope this goes smooth and you can remain friends. (((Jawn)))

 

[seedling]

Between the pills and the phone numbers, you have some consolations!

All good advice above. I like the idea of the negotiator/lawyer. You need someone on your side as well as her's.

It may not be ugly, but it may just not feel good either. Stick to what you think is right for you.

Take care.

 

[Nicolette]

Summing up all I know I would, without trying to sound mean, get an independent lawyer due to your tendency to put your wife first on most occasions - you need someone on your side who can negotiate unemotionally for you. In Aust a lawyer cannot act for opposing parties due to the potential conflict of interest.

Secondly, if your wife wants a divorce, IMHO, it's time for some healthy boundaries which protect your interests (heart) Jawn such as she now needs to let you know when she is going over to what was your home. She moved out, she wants the divorce, I get she is being nice (banana bread etc) but she is having her cake & eating it too while you end up with mixed messages.

Jawn, I have the uptmost respect for you & admire your patience but IMHO it's now the time to re-establish some balance rather than you being left dangling to your wife's decisions. I get it is hard, I get it hurts, I get amicable is great but I don't think any of what is happening to you now is fair nor equitable. Just my opinion, sorry if it sounds harsh.

 

[ISupportHer]

As I've thought of this, I think my sister gta a dissolution as opposed to a divorce. That allowed the use of, what I now think was actually titled an arbitrator that had been a judge as well as a lawyer. This was in Georgia. State law, I am sure, varies from state to state.

ISH