Biggest Mistake Tdoc Ever Made

[Reds]

I love my therapist and we get each other. I one day asked her to help me confront my abuser and she agreed. So 10minutes into the session I took my phone and called him, told him that I can still remember what he did. I was obviously scared and could not tell him everything I wanted to.

After the call I started shaking and crying, nothing my t said made sense to me. I actually could not hear what she saying so she stopped talking. Something in her head told her to give me a teddy bear to hold on to. Now this was a bad move on her side. My abuse used teddy bears to buy my silence, I was small and teddy bears meant a lot to me. But now as an adult I have a phobia for teddy bears.

When she gave me the bear I freaked out and threw it at her face. She didn't know what it was about, we had not discussed my fear of teddy bears. Well she tried to correct it by giving me a pillow to hold on to.

But I still have nightmares about her giving me the bear. I do not want to tell her how much she affected me because it might make her sad. I keep dreaming of her hand giving me the teddy bear. How do I get over this dream, how do I stop it.

 

[Jane.l]

You tell her . It won't make her sad she is trained to be able to except she will make mistakes . She was trying to help you and got it wrong which happens a lot in trauma work . She will be pleased you are able to tell her. Holding on to this is not helping you.

Let her know in just the same way you have written here and let her help you move on from that . I hate it when I feel I am criticising my T but its so important to keep this relationship open and straight and they are not mind readers .

 

[nursenurse]

You tell her, simple as that. You can't worry about her feelings, you are paying her to worry about yours. How can she help you if you don't tell her the truth? And like most people in the world, I am sure she would want to know and apologize to you if she did something to bother you. And because she is a T, help you move on.

 

[digger]

Did you tell her at the time why it freaked you out?

I do not want to tell her how much she affected me because it might make her sad.

Firstly, she didn't actually affect you - her action of giving you a teddy bear to hold affected you. It is the action that affected you not, in this instance, the person performing the action. You've said in previous posts that she is a highly experienced therapist so she will be able to differentiate between the two things. Secondly, you need to stop thinking in terms of how the sessions might affect her. You are there for you and are paying for her to be thinking about how you are doing, not the other way round. And again, as a highly experienced therapist, she will have had plenty of training and experience in not letting things like this affect her badly and will also, presumably be receiving supervision herself where she can let off this kind of thing if she were to feel affected by it.

So tell her.

 

[BloomInWinter]

For those of us with many triggers, no therapist will be able to avoid triggering us sometimes, because there is no such thing as a trigger-free environment.

When my therapist and I hit on one in therapy, we make that a target of EMDR. Then we go after that trigger, over and over, until my brain extinguishes the association it has with my abuse. Once extinguished, that becomes just an object with a sad memory but doesn't hold the power to highjack my nervous system ever again.

I used to hold back a lot because I also was worried it would hurt my therapist, but now I trust her to take care of herself. Now, I only hold back out of fear or dread.

We can look at being triggered in therapy as a therapist's mistake, or as a normal part of trauma therapy which provides an excellent opportunity for profound healing of a painful open wound. It'll hurt either way, but there is healing possible once we can trust the process and accept that as just part of the journey, crappy as it is.

 

[digger]

For those of us with many triggers, no therapist will be able to avoid triggering us sometimes,

So true! Some of my triggers I've only discovered in therapy sessions, I've learned for example that there are some words that can trigger me. Also one time, my counsellor wanted to do an exercise with me using small objects to represent different members of my family. The objects she usually uses happened to be shells and stones, and she gave me a basket of shells and stones and asked me to pick one out. She had even checked with me before how I felt about the exercise and I was fine with it. Started picking through the stones and ended up in complete flashback hell!

Obviously it was a very unpleasant experience but it had its uses too, the main one being that because it was so unexpected for me, she was able to see for once how much of an effect things can have on me, because usually I do pretty much everything I can to remain, outwardly at least, in control.

 

[Britt.f7]

I agree with others. Tell her. I happen to think that sometimes the only way to get something to release its hold over you is to talk about it. Good luck.

 

[just keep swimming]

I'm really sorry but this is not a Professional way of confronting your problems and more like visiting a butchers shop with your emotions. This is a hideous and completely mindless way of treating you, no Professional in England would dare to operate in this way and if you suprised her with your call she would of had to say stop this is not the way. Look at the results..

Regards
JKS

Ask your T if she is actually qualified in Trauma, It sounds like she clearly is not. This is very sad, even that you find positives in it, that's how strong you are. That was not the way for her to allow trauma to be ventured in her work and counselling enviroment. Quite the opposite in fact.

 

[just keep swimming]

My god I just re read what you say. She has wounded you even more, COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN and find the strength to do so, No T is allowed to do this. You must be in a terrible place and my words prob don't help however, check up on what has happened with her governing body (if she even has one) you will find this T is way out of professional boundrys and somewhat unaware of what trauma clients actually need. Is this why you have resorted to such a drastic measure to show her how you feel? a properly trained Trauma therapist would not have allowed you to end up needing to do this.

Hey read my introduction thread, we have the same in our pasts just not exactly of course. I hope you find some inspiration from it. You will make it through this but I am so sorry, In my mind and experience not with this T..

 

[The Albatross]

Good grief. Red's therapist can hardly be expected to guess if she is going to react to teddy bears. The therapist went over and above in my opinion because she was supportive when Red wanted to confront the abuser. As Red did not discuss the role of teddy bears in her abuse, the therapist was using a typically comforting item and had no fore knowledge of how Red would react. Unfortunate? Yes. A "mistake" or "a bad move on her side"? No.

The therapist attempted to correct/resolve it when she realized Red's reaction... by using a pillow.

The intrusive thinking is up to Red. Where the rubber hits the road Red, is putting your reactions up against your beliefs.

Do you believe your therapist intended to harm you? Do you believe your therapist is a well intentioned person? Do you acknowledge that your therapist had no way of knowing what could happen if he/she attempted to comfort you with a teddy bear?

Why is it easier to think about the trigger in a reasonably safe relationship (you and your therapist), than it is to focus on the fact that you confronted your abuser? What about the call are you avoiding?

 

[just keep swimming]

Ah sorry again, you don't speak of any positives from this experience. I can see one, you threw the bear back in her face!! well done, that says to me you are not taking it anymore. Time to turn it around Reds, with a new T. Anymore work with her is now held back until you change T or tell her exactly how she has made you feel. You have the balls Reds I don't dought that for a second.

That's exactly why this would not be allowed to happen in first place Albatross, that's exactly why.

You are harsh in saying Reds intrusive thinking is up to her!!! Have some therapy in the areas I have. My god.Rubber hits the road?? REALLY?? very final words Albatross. You think?

 

[The Albatross]

Your reply to me does not make sense. In our area, we have several drives a year to provide emergency responders (Firemen, Police, EMT's, Sheriffs) with plush animals for children to keep in their vehicles when they respond to a scene where children or a child is present. There have been no reports of a negative response in over 10 years. Not intending to mean there hasn't inadvertently been one or some... but, none have been reported.

So the attempt at soothing, in my opinion was in bounds. Red says, the therapist did not know about the role of the teddy bear in her abuse.