Blamed For His Sexual Issues

[Ibobu]

Well, I have a 3 year on again off again friendship of sorts with certain benefits.

Last weekend I was supposed to get together with him when I received a "no I can't do this. It's wrong!" text. I thought "ok, 3 years in and you suddenly think friends with benefits is wrong? Odd, but whatever." I wish him well and say goodbye. He then tells me why he said that. He says that it's because he would "make me" do certain things to him. Wait up. Make me?!? I ask him why he didn't just ask me. Heck, I'm open to trying new things. His reply? "No, I would force you."

At this point I'm physically I'll. he was abused as a kid and I couldn't let this go without telling him to get help, because he thinks the abuse didn't hurt him, but I think it did and if he escalated with the next girl and I didn't say anything, I'd never forgive myself.

His response? "I wasn't going to rape you" Hmmm. That's really comforting. (Rolls eyes). Forced sexual acts aside from rape can be just as damaging.

The next day he flips everything around and says its my fault! He says that he could do those things with other women and they wouldn't get triggered, but he couldn't with me because of my past. Now I'm to the point of total disgust. No woman wants anything forced on her. He was unequivocal about the FORCED part, so I know I'm not misinterpreting this.

This makes me so sick. So physically sick. My stomach hurt so bad after he told me this. And now I have a horrible migraine just from writing this. But I knew I had to get it out.

I was so close to being re victimized. This whole thing makes me sick. And I can't but help to think that if he hasn't done this yet to a woman, it's only a matter of time until he does.

I could really use some support right now. I feel as if this isn't real. I feel as if I'm in the twilight zone. Was I supposed to THANK him for not going through with it?!? Geezus, how messed up is THAT thinking?

 

[Olur]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. After everything, this is the last thing you as a sufferer should be put through. I'm glad you walked away, being forced to do anything is not good. I'm worried too about him trying to do it to someone else, but I'm very glad it won't be you. He does need help, you're absolutely right. Sounds like the conversation might have been triggering, but you defended your boundaries and stood up for what was right no matter how difficult. That's amazing to me. It shows you are not willing to be a victim again, you've taken charge of your well being. I hope he listens before he hurts someone. But I'm proud of you for being so strong.

 

[Ibobu]

I am Ibobu, the original poster.

And, as if that wasn't bad enough, he acted so proud. Like he deserved a medal for not triggering me. "Oh, I'm doing the right thing by walking away from this situation."

 

[Ibobu]

I am Ibobu, the original poster. (Sorry if that gets redundant; sometimes my identity changes on me!)

Thanks, Olur. I appreciate your response. I was afraid to post because I thought nobody would believe that something like this could happen. I mean the whole scenario is crazy. I guess I'm in disbelief because I've known him for 3 years. How does this just come out of the blue? It makes me question everything. How do we really know someone? Did I miss a red flag? Did I add to it somehow with my excessive flirting? (I know, blame the "victim" mentality. It's not right but these crazy thoughts run through my head.)