Relationship Bleed My Heart Dry Valentine

[Always have Hope!]

What else can I do, I'm now feeling totally hopeless, empty inside, can't even shed tears, no more fluids left to cry. I broke down and bought a giant stuff dog, a rose and a valentine balloon and went over to my ex's apartment. When I gave them to her, seem she like them, she invited me to stay and visit. Every thing was going ok, we talked had some laughs. She told me she doing good, she look and acted really well. The conversation did eventually lead to our past relation, our feelings and so on. I was able to discuss my true deep feelings and that her healing can still be her focus while in a relationship. I must say she had more stability and and more self control emotionally than me, LOL. I felt no matter how much I open up, that my hopes of reconciliation was dead. She stood her boundaries and was headstrong of her decision. As she was bringing me home I think she said that she don't see it happening, and I don't even give her space .

I know she has PTSD but even so I don't think all of her decision was base on her illness. even when she said, I have to be more clearer, and I don't want you to hurt. Well im sorry, but I'm hurt, its devastating to me. I never loved that hard before, I don't sleep, eat, I cant function correctly, my own ptsd and stress is overwhelming, Im a damn wreck. I feel this isn't real, the more days that go by the worst it is. I been taken to a hospitals to talk to a doctor, given meds to chill me down, I was ask if I wanted hospitalized. I feel like my world is crashing, on a down spiral. I try to not contact but my phobias and my brain wont stop spinning. I really try to focus to stay strong, but my inhibitors are off the chart. I don't want to push her to far away that all hope is gone, even if there isn't no hope now, I want some spark of hope. It not that I want pity, I just for once in my life want to be happy. I really cant find words that really explains my pain, I rather curl up and die. I never thought that feeling true love of a warm heart could bleed out and feel so cold

Damn I loved her so much.

 

[Tony93720]

Dr. Dreadloc I am going through the exact same thing. It is a struggle but you and I have to realize that we have value apart from them. We are worth more and have to respect ourselves enough to walk away. We can always be their friends but we have to let them contact us and stop chasing them for friendship. You can keep in touch with me brother and we'll get through this together if you want. I sent my ex a valentine's day text and she didn't respond. Friends told me not to do it but I wouldn't listen. The stress of this break-up is the hardest I've ever felt but like friends and The Bible tells me we can get through this and there is a better day yet to come. We have to believe that. If we move on and start doing well we will be much more attractive to our exes than if we're heartbroken and can't function without them. When we do that it shows we're more co-dependent then in love. We need to be whole within ourselves or else we can never be any good for them. We can do this man. Knowing that someone else is suffering like me gives me strength. I know I'm normal and this is just part of the process.

 

[Always have Hope!]

Thanks tony, I thank you for your post. It was a two sided sword, I was happy just to be around her, see her smile and that she is doing well. Even with her deaf ears and my bleeding my heart to her, I cant stop just loving her, its not a on and off switch. I cant stop her for moving on, I want her happy, but if she reopens her world and start dating others, it be more painful for me if she is hurt again. There been some cruel assholes who has , treated her badly . Because she does have her PTSD and other illnesses, it crush me if I couldnt be there and she was hurt. I know it wouldnt be my fault, but I would somehow blame myself and couldnt live with that guilt. I know how most men my age are and I know they are not me.

Worst valentine day I ever had

 

[mamabuckeye]

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a terrible Valentine's Day. I hope with time that things will work itself out. I'm probably not the best person to give advice, I almost always try to think on the positive side (even when I know for myself that it will end up badly). At least it is only one day of the year. She knows your love for her continues and not just on this holiday.

 

[Tony93720]

I really feel your pain. I keep telling my friends I don't want to leave her in case she needs me but they keep reminding me that I'm not leaving her she chose to leave me. I have apologized, poured my heart out to her, re-examined my beliefs, and pledged my undying love and devotion to her and to her children and dreams. However, after all of that I didn't even get a reply. The last I heard from her was she didn't want to talk about it and definitely did not want to think about it. She is continuing to live her life, posting on Facebook, going out to shows, visiting with friends and such. She last posted something on Facebook about putting the most important things first. It reminded me she said she has to focus on her children and herself. Obviously I don't fit into that equation so I need to respect it and respect myself and go pursue my dreams. I know it hurts but you should really do the same. When your focused on being the best you you can be people will be attracted to that. As the saying goes when your on fire people will come from all around to watch you burn. Your ex might even be one of them. Stay strong my brother. Today I took a first step and deleted all of her messages. I can't bring myself to block her on Facebook and block her phone and return her key (unless she asks for it). I'm praying for continued strength and focus and I'm praying for you as well.