PreciousChild
Platinum Member
I haven't posted in a very long time. I feel like I've had a handle on my reactions to stressors, enough to get me through the day. But something I've been struggling with for years now is having to live part time with a stepson who is now almost grown but still in college who basically despises me. When he's around, I'm hyper-vigilant and I become flooded. He is now mostly passive aggressive (whereas in the past he was overtly aggressive against me), but I still get distressed at his presence. For the most part, I can behave calmly and rationally, but internally I struggle. It's like I'm in a constant state of trauma when he's around - I feel hyper-vigilant. He's done and still does some really crappy things to me, and is often trying to put a wedge between his dad and me. My husband and I get along great, and usually the only time we have any tension at all is over his son's attitude towards me. My husband doesn't always want to see all of the bad behaviors, so I often feel alone in my distress. It doesn't help that my stepson reminds me of my narcissistic, abusive dad - arrogant, angry, immature, and my stepson has a huge axe to grind (his mom is a little crazy and I think that gave him anger issues and maybe even worse). Obviously, that is not pleasant to be around, but it's also not fair to project my trauma reactions onto him. Anybody in the same boat? How do you manage your trauma reactions if it's your stepkid?
Btw, I'm sure my ptsd had an affect on my parenting my own child. But his and my relationships was always framed in love, so if I ever did feel triggered, it was not a big reaction like when I'm around my stepson, who has made it clear that he doesn't want me around. He does what I understand to be "splitting" in psychology. Everything is either all good or all bad; he is all good and I am all bad. Once, he accidentally stumbled upon something we both enjoy doing, and when my husband pointed that out, my stepson couldn't even acknowledge it. He suggested my husband look into this activity even after my husband just got through telling him that he already knew about it through me. Lol. It was kind of eerie to realize that even the thought of associating me with something my stepson liked was too much for him, so he had to dissociate me from that activity. Even though he's just a young adult, and I should be the wise elder, his attitude and actions still activate the trauma response, and since I can't get away from him, what can I do?
Btw, I'm sure my ptsd had an affect on my parenting my own child. But his and my relationships was always framed in love, so if I ever did feel triggered, it was not a big reaction like when I'm around my stepson, who has made it clear that he doesn't want me around. He does what I understand to be "splitting" in psychology. Everything is either all good or all bad; he is all good and I am all bad. Once, he accidentally stumbled upon something we both enjoy doing, and when my husband pointed that out, my stepson couldn't even acknowledge it. He suggested my husband look into this activity even after my husband just got through telling him that he already knew about it through me. Lol. It was kind of eerie to realize that even the thought of associating me with something my stepson liked was too much for him, so he had to dissociate me from that activity. Even though he's just a young adult, and I should be the wise elder, his attitude and actions still activate the trauma response, and since I can't get away from him, what can I do?
