Blew My Temper On The Kids

[Grizzly]

I get that. I have been camouflaging myself for a very long time it seems. Only now with kids it's constant. Its become exhausting. My alternative personality.

No one around me can quite get the grip and understand. I'm tired of pretending.

 

[atilla]

I have a hard time getting aggression out...believe me there's a ton of it that has piled up over the years. Beginning with my dad. he wasn't a vet, even think he pussed out on vietnam. He wasn't a very likeable person, quite the asshole. Treated my mom like shit, and me also..but I credit him with making me mentally tough..his bs got me through basic. He yelled alot, so by the time i got to basic..i was prepared. I try to appear "normal" when out with my family, which is not very often. I bite my tongue when dealing with people mostly..step back in my mind and think " these f*ckers don't matter", then i look at my wife and son, Those are the ones that matter, so I keep up the charade, I think more so as to not embarrass my family than anything. Grizz, that sneaking around shit is normal for a 9-year-old, Brother, I was a sneaky lil turd at that age. As for explaining the beast to kids, I have no advice for that, only that "daddy served in war, and saw bad things happen to his friends", and that still doesn't sound right to me. Idk Brother. Perhaps I'm not the best one to give advice, I'm FUBAR from the beastie like a football bat.

 

[Grizzly]

I have a hard time getting aggression out...believe me there's a ton of it that has piled up over the years. Beginning with my dad. he wasn't a vet, even think he pussed out on vietnam. He wasn't a very likeable person, quite the asshole. Treated my mom like shit, and me also..but I credit him with making me mentally tough..his bs got me through basic. He yelled alot, so by the time i got to basic..i was prepared. I try to appear "normal" when out with my family, which is not very often. I bite my tongue when dealing with people mostly..step back in my mind and think " these f*ckers don't matter", then i look at my wife and son, Those are the ones that matter, so I keep up the charade, I think more so as to not embarrass my family than anything. Grizz, that sneaking around shit is normal for a 9-year-old, Brother, I was a sneaky lil turd at that age. As for explaining the beast to kids, I have no advice for that, only that "daddy served in war, and saw bad things happen to his friends", and that still doesn't sound right to me. Idk Brother. Perhaps I'm not the best one to give advice, I'm FUBAR from the beastie like a football bat.

Sure enough.

You know, It wasn't till my kids were born that I realized I have issues. Alot of them! I guess it took that to eliminate a lot of my lifestyle choices like excessive drinking / bar hopping and partying. I suppose as my T points out, that was my way of self preservation, self medication. I had no one to answer to and 0 responsibilites. It was easy for me to hide from people, places and things. And honestly I originally didn't want kids. Mainly because of my issues. I didn't trust myself. I would not change it for anything in the world now.

But it is challenging! Like now for instance. As I am typing this, they are in the house playing. Their jumping around, yelling and playing. These noises are setting me off. It's as if I'm standing beside a M105. I can't do anything about it. I could tell them to stop. But shit! They're just being kids.

 

[RTO]

Explain things to them. They are more resilient and wiser than you can ever imagine. Forgive yourself and strive to leave no collateral damage.