Blindsided

[Sadie]

Hi....I am struggling this morning. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. Last August he changed. He began leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night with no explanation. This went on for months. He finally broke down and told me about his trauma...just the basics,, no details. I recommended therapy and he did go and started EMDR. He is not healed. He has left home for what he said was 2 weeks. He did not come home and has little contact with me. I think I may be a trigger for him. I love him very much, I am afraid for him and me. I am afraid he is moving on with his life and leaving me behind. The person he used to be would never do this. I miss him so much.

 

[In the weeds]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you found this site.

 

[Rose White]

I’m so sorry. Have you looked into therapy for yourself?

 

[Sadie]

I’m so sorry. Have you looked into therapy for yourself?

Yes. I am in therapy for myself. It only seems to help while I am in the session. When I leave the anxiety comes back. I would never have believed he could do this to us. He used to be so anxiously attached to me. Now he is avoidant. So strange!

 

[arfie]

hello sadie. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

this sounds like my own m.o. for most of the 45 years i have been married. some of my wanderings kept me away for years. why my hub-a-lub has put up with it is a mystery to most, but i cannot speak the depth of my gratitude that he did. healing happened between the freedom to deal with my childhood trauma and the stability of his availability to talk when i was able.

healing happens at its own time and pace. i opine that the best you can do is seek support for your own challenges and allow him the freedom to follow the healing mysteries.

steadying support while you find what works best for you. welcome aboard.

 

[Sadie]

Thank you for the insight. Your husband must be very strong. I don't think I could hang in there if my husband left for a year. I am already a mess with 2 1/2 weeks away. I don't understand why now? We were always so close and now he barely speaks to me. What do you do when you leave home? Where do you go?
Thanks!!!

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I used to have to leave like that. I can’t explain it well but it was an overwhelming compulsion to get some solitude. It had nothing to do with anger with my family, I was just overwhelmed. Zoloft and Buspirone really helped. I take a sub therapeutic dose of Zoloft and it mad my frustration almost completely disappear. The Buspirone really helps with anxiety. I think you need to focus on self care, get outside and walk or do other exercise. It really helps with the emotional overload. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Sadie]

Thank You. I walk with my dog several times a day. The poor girl. She misses him too! I spoke with his couselor about maybe trying medication a few weeks ago. She said he doesnt need it! She is doing EMDR with him. Doesn't seem to be working well to me, but since he isn't here I can't do anything about it.