General Blocking out Events/Situations??

[unbroken]

Are you aware of anyone blocking out events or situations in their life so completely that the sufferer actually believes it didn't exist, and will continually deny it with such conviction that you start to wonder if you made it up?

I'm curious about this, because there's a situation where she is apparently ashamed of what she did, and she blocks it out and denies that it happened, even though I know it happened without a doubt. I actually have to prove to her that it happened, otherwise she will deny it til the end of the day.

Since she is also bipolar, is this a PTSD or a bipolar issue...or ???

 

[Cowgirl]

Severe trauma can be completely suppressed in one's memory. You can find out a lot if you Google repressed memory. It is a sort of amnesia. It happened to me once. I was in a bad accident. I cannot to this day remember anything from a few seconds before the accident until just afterwards. There is a span of time that is completely GONE for me. I think it is a protective mechanism of the brain.

But I must ask WHY you feel you must prove to her that it happened? What purpose would this serve? What ultimate good would it serve other than to prove you right?

Cowgirl

 

[unbroken]

You misunderstood what I was getting at. I'm trying to figure out what and how her mind is perceiving something she did, and you're turning it into a battle of wits. I didn't say that I was trying to prove that I was right. If I must elaborate, I will.

There is a situation that had become part of our problem. I asked her a couple months ago if she ever did [something], and she had told me that she never did it. She was convincing, and I believed her at that time.

The other day I found out that she did do [something], and I just assumed she had been lying to me initially because she didn't want me to know about it. Most people will say that she "knew what she was doing" and she has to own up to her actions. When I asked her why she didn't tell me the truth in the first place, she denied it and she asked for proof to substantiate my claim. I assumed she thought I was just guessing, and therefore she wasn't going to own up to it until she realized I wasn't bluffing. When I provided her with what she needed, she simply gave an excuse for why she did it and didn't want to talk about it.

Today, she's back to saying that it didn't happen even though we talked about it just the other day. It's almost like she has selective amnesia.

The point is, if she's ashamed of the situation she probably just doesn't want to remember it. So I'm wondering if she possibly blocked it out of her mind so completely that to her it never actually occured.

 

[2quilt]

Yes Yes Yes, I have had the very same thing happen between me and a former friend, and she is a former friend because I and others who were there and know the truth, could not get her to believe reality. I don't know if this is part of a mental illness on her part, but it sounds like it is to me (layperson with opinions). My situation was identical to yours, it seems. We ended the friendship because I refused to lie to her, treat her with kid gloves and tell her that her version of reality was the true one. I just can't do that.

 

[2quilt]

My mother also had selective amnesia when I reminded her that she molested me as a child. It was not something she wanted to admit, so she simply denied that it ever happened. End of discussion.

Also, end of our communication!

 

[linasmom]

Ha, 2Quilt - your mom sounds like mine! Mine refuses to ever admit she sexually abused me as a child or admit that she ever abused me in any way! And for her, it was "end of discussion" and like you I said "end of our communication".

Unbroken,

Be careful. If it's trauma related, then the dissociation and/or amnesia can very well be present. However - a lie is a lie when she knows it happened. Please try your hardest to differentiate between her illness and just plain old deceitful behavior.

Good luck to you.

Best,
Rachel

 

[Nicolette]

Unbroken....what I am about to say may seem harsh but it is very well intentioned..............

If you have ended the relationship you need to stop investing your energy into it as no matter what you work out nothing will change unless your ex-girlfriend does it herself.

Now is a time for you to reflect, grieve if you must, learn the lessons you need and take the knowledge forward with you and live your life. Looking back over your shoulder helps no-one and only hurts you more.

You admitted you deserve better and we all have said the same thing. Please do yourself a favour and invest your time in your own well-being and self-esteem instead of psycho-analysing your ex.

 

[JustJane]

Please do yourself a favour and invest your time in your own well-being and self-esteem instead of psycho-analysing your ex.

We should all drink to that.:occasion:

 

[trishok]

Unbroken, yes this has happened in my life, regularly in my first marriage to a vietnam veteran. When I did get the courage to ask about a particular incident, he kept denying he had said "it", then finally said he only "thought it".
To me it was a tirade of absolute abuse. He was yelling at me while he was taking a shower. But to him it was what he was thinking.
Also at that time I asked him why he sometimes physically bashed me, and he said he did not know... something just "snapped" and then he "came to" when he saw blood.
30 years later I now know he had PTSD and flashbacks and was not conscious of his environment when he was experiencing those flashbacks, nor could he remember them.
So he was not lying, he was "somewhere else" at those times.
For years I also thought, that I must have "imagined" these scenarios and the problem was me.

The second husband used to lie to me, blatently, and try to convince me that black was white. I was very confused most of the time. The evidence he was lying was overwhelming, so I started to believe my own judgement. What I saw, what I heard him say. Even when he denied everything and in turn accused me of lying and even infidelity. I now rarely believe anything he says. I cannot trust him.

Trish