Boarding The Emdr Bus.....

[KwanYingirl]

On Tuesday I will be having my first experience of EMDR. I chose my current therapist in part because he is trained in EMDR, and my previous therapists both felt/hoped it would benefit me.

I've been seeing this therapist over a year. The brouhaha over my Xanax underlies my difficulty tolerating distress, my chemical sensitivity and my anticipatory anxiety that pops up if I'm not hyper focused on something else.

He's going to begin with soothing thoughts. I spend much time feeling like I want to pull the trigger. I know you all have had various experiences with EMDR, in the wrong hands perhaps it's more harm than good. I plan to keep an open mind. I gave him a list of triggers and a list of relaxing experiences. I can't wait to see how it goes.

 

[Seasounds]

An open mind, and the history with your T, form a good foundation. Good luck!

 

[sun seeker]

Yay! I'm crossing my fingers for you. Let us know how it goes.

 

[seedling]

Good luck. It sounds like you have a good starting place.

I'm on my 5th session of EMDR this week. The first time we went over the coping techniques and I got a "good feeling" charge out of visualizing my safe place. We weren't even working on anything but that day's anxiety came up and then was dissipated through the EMDR visualizing of my safe place. I felt great afterwards.

My therapist is cautious and is continually monitoring my distress levels. I do the EMDR one minute at a time and can stop before then and discuss what's coming up. I think I will learn how far to go each time. I can tell it's changing my negative cognitions of memories and also my behavior in-between sessions.

It sounds like your therapist is well prepped. All the best!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@seedling Thanks so much for sharing. I do trust my therapist. He's made me wait til I could ground myself and dissociate less. Fingers crossed!

 

[Frogs88]

I'm going to my 13th EMDR session tomorrow. For the first few weeks you should do coping strategies. Then the actual EMDR. It's weird, but in my case it has worked. I hadn't allowed anybody to touch me in four years yet last week I went for a massage. During the actual sessions it's different for everybody, for me an entire hour will go by and nothing will happen other times I get floods of emotions my body tensing and releasing strange little details coming up, once I started retching because I could actually smell my trauma scene. But it is all worth it and I have to say after most sessions although I feel exhausted I also feel a little relief because I feel as if I am finally dealing with this.

I really hope you get on with you T. If you don't then don't dismiss EMDR straight off because it might just be that particular T.

Best of luck.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Thank you @Frogs88 for your support. He did tell me we will work on soothing. He asked me to write down soothing things in my life. I emailed him about four times so I wouldn't forget and also so he can formulate a plan ahead of time.

 

[seedling]

The soothing work sounds like a great start. A gentle beginning.

I thought after my first session that just doing the "safe place" with the EMDR would be a safe thing to do if I found the memory work to be too intense.

My second session brought up difficult feelings over the 4 days after - she said, the next week, the memory held more than she thought at first. I knew it would hold a lot because I'd worked on it in therapy before. I still agreed to do that memory because I felt it would be beneficial to explore it. That's what I like about having been in therapy quite a while - I have an idea of what's out there.

Still - after that intensity, I thought that simply practicing the safe place and container might be a nice break. I did keep on with the memory, though, the next session, but I stopped before the minute was up on most rounds because I realized that I was filling in some big emotion even though the feelings seemed distant as they came up. It seems like I might be figuring out how to pace things.

That being said - I think there will be surprises, I don't have any notion that I can predict my trauma reactions.

From my work the last two weeks I have an idea, now, of the moments in that memory that I want to work on and where they relate to my traumatic feelings and negative cognitions.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping that you have a good beginning:hug:.

 

[Frogs88]

What I have found with EMDR is that because it brings such a lot up and makes you focus on a lot of things related to your trauma outside of sessions I spend a lot of time inside my head. And it was beginning to get too much for me. Now I make sure that I spend a little time doing things that take me out of my head and focused entirely on my body. Swimming works best, early in the morning when there's not many people around and definitely no kids. Another thing I do is go to as pottery painting place. I have a cup of tea a little chat with the lady who runs it then she turns the radio up for me and I just paint for a few hours, the more detailed the design the better (at the moment it's making a set of plates with all the characters from frozen painted on to them). Straight after therapy I also go to the same cafe, sit at the same table, order the same thing and just allow myself to spend an hour being still and quiet before I head back for a nap. I think it would be good for you to make sure you have a little 'safe' routine to go through at the end of a therapy session and to look at booking some kind of activity that gets you out of your mind and into your body. EMDR can get intense and having a good think about how you will look after yourself during the processing time will help it go more smoothly.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, sorry to say he didn't want to move forward with EMDR. He said "first do no harm". I dissociate too much and he really needs me to stay in the here and now.

Thank you @seedling and @Frogs88 for your perspective and advice. I do often have distress for a few days until I settle. I sent him some emails a week ago with places I feel or have in the past felt very safe. I also laid down a few scenes that cause me fear and sorrow, like walking in the woods or boats or schools, playgrounds, my bed all trigger me. I know at some point I have to have mastery in grounding. I do take yoga the afternoon that I have therapy. And I also have some apps on my phone for meditation and calm or I play Tibetan singing bowls on Pandora.

I wish I could sleep through the night. I know it's my PTSD causing that but I'm unconscious and can't stop the panic I wake up with. I have sleeping pills but every friggin night I wake up at 3:00am

I'll try to go to a safe place. Really try to improve my self care. But like You pointed out, EMDR doesn't have some challenges.

When you have EMDR do you go to therapy for a double session or is it 45 minutes? I'm afraid I'll get stuck with a memory in my mind and can't shake it.

 

[seedling]

@KwanYingirl, all in the right time. My therapist was concerned about dissociation, as well. Your therapist seems very trustworthy to be so careful with you. With all the wonderful things you do for yourself and your well-being, I think you will progress well and the right time may well come to do EMDR.

@Frogs88, what a great routine to have. I think maybe going to work does some of the same things for me. I was afraid EMDR might be too much with working but I do feel safe, mostly, at work and it's a slow right now, so less stress. I get to work on my own a lot - I think I do see myself being distracted from the trauma stuff when I'm there.

I had EMDR yesterday. I got to the session and we always talk first about how the last week's EMDR was and how I've fared. I talked longer this time because I was upset - it was good to talk about things and she was encouraging. It wasn't related to the EMDR - other issues. That took 30 minutes. She has requested 60 minute sessions from the insurance company since we are doing EMDR and they've granted them. Then we did the EMDR for half an hour and I got further in to the memory I've been working on (my first memory so far).

She has me imagine the most disturbing picture in the memory to start with and rates my distress level. This week I had different images that were disturbing - the ones from the last two weeks weren't bothersome and there were new ones that I found as I went through the memory last week. So, we started there. I uncovered more feelings and the memory filled out. All my stuff is coming up so clearly. It's like I have a place to know, now, where all these feelings and reactions are coming from.

In this memory I'm 4 and ignored by my mom after an emotional day. I've discovered that I go to my room and cry and hold my stuffed dog and tell myself that he loves me. My therapist uses hand buzzers that give a vibration that goes back and forth from hand to hand at the pace I pick on the settings. I also have headphones of waves, birds or crickets - my choice and I set the volume. She would do the finger movement in front of my eyes if that was what worked for me - with the buzzers she can take notes and manage the papers while we do it.

At the end I hold the buzzers and imagine my safe place (or I could do the container exercise - put everything back in there. I don't do that, she knows my mom won't fit - lol). She asks me what my distress level is after the last memory round and then we do rounds of the safe place until the distress level comes down. For me it takes about 3 one minute rounds at the end. I get more relaxed each time and she rates the distress level after each time. I feel interested in the memory and how it's developed but I don't feel stuck in it.

I think the yoga would feel good to do with EMDR. I usually feel the need to stretch in the days after.

Hope i"m not hogging up your thread!