Childhood Body Memories? Or Just A Fear Response?

[MrsMegan]

I just recently had a memory come back to me from when I was a child. I had always had flashes and a general sense of something not being right about a certain place/situation - but a few weeks ago it all kind of came together. I was able to see more of it in a bit of a more ordered way, so I could make some sense of it.

What I remember happening was being forced to undress myself and allow these older boys (they were probably 10 or 11, I was 4 or 5) to look at me for their own amusement/pleasure.

It has triggered some pretty intense feelings and flashbacks. I see the room, I feel totally scared, and my anxiety gets really bad. The worst though is that I literally feel as though I am being touched, but I don't have any actually memory of being touched. But when I think about this memory or it gets triggered, I can feel the hands on me.

Could I be experiencing this because at the time I was so afraid of actually being touched? Or is this my body's way of communicating part of that memory to me?

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Could I be experiencing this because at the time I was so afraid of actually being touched? Or is this my body's way of communicating part of that memory to me?

Could you? Yes! Are you? I dont know.

I was cut down there, very VERY often as 'punishment' and so my most common flashbacks involve cutting down there & I have a sort of 'phanthom' pain down there...meaning i wasnt cut today but feel the pain like I was and it stays there for days and eases in its own.

So our body def remembers.

 

[Sideways]

It's ok to believe your body, even when your mind isn't giving you access to your conscious memories.

The experience must be awful - thoughts are with you.

 

[Killashandra]

As part of the healing process the retrieval of repressed memories and feelings do appear, for sufferers these are more tense and can actually feel like you are reliving it.

I have had a number of these recently and they have blown my mind.. they are so intense!
One in particular, that I can share and is quite funny really... I have a dot on my big toe... for years I have wondered where on earth did that happen... is it a birth mark? Strange birthmark... because it's like a blue green colour... is it gangrene...? Is it melanoma? No... it was an alter... who decided that a home made tattoo was a good idea and to make sure it worked proceeded to put a hole in my skin and ink.... obviously they succeeded but stopped there as there are no other home made tattoos on my body... lol. The rush of feelings, smell, music, and emotions was overwhelming but at least now I know where that blasted dot came from!

As much as they are difficult for us to accept, it is part of our recovery. I have alters and it is these alters that are sharing thier memories with me so they can integrate and move on in a more positive way.
Bright side is... You are recovering! ☺