Boundaries And Self-care

[zeropoint]

Not sure what to call this thread, so that will do.

I was letting my self-care lapse and lapse and didn't even realize how much until it, along with my self-esteem, had pretty much disappeared.

For the past few weeks, I've been having a manic episode, so it was harder to care for myself during that time. I live alone, 800 miles from my family, and more and more of my friends here have moved on. So it's possible that, even in the thick of a crisis, I'll go about a week without seeing anyone that I know except maybe a therapist and doctor.

I honestly don't know where my mood is now--I feel less manic but sometimes it just changes forms. I have been able to realize just how badly I've been hurting myself by denying the self-care, by not setting stronger boundaries. I have done a good job in some ways of being direct with people that I don't want to contact me. I don't feel guilty, and that is good.

However, I am still taking it hard that people in my life have come to me with so much stuff. Some of it is really serious stuff that they do need me to at least talk to until they can get into therapy. Some of it is just the way my parents hold me responsible for their egos so much. It's harder to learn how to draw boundaries and somehow assert that I need to be taken care of when the people who are imposing are actually people I care about. I know what I need to say. I just don't ever know when I need to say it, and then suddenly I'm feeling all exhausted and bedraggled from being everyone else's sympathetic ear.

I am not sure what I'm asking, really, but I know I want to stop feeling depleted all the time. I want to do more self-care things to try to heal myself now as well and have read through some threads on that. But if you have self-care/self-soothing things that are perfect for just this situation, that would be much appreciated.

 

[missbliss]

What works 100% of the time - is Nature. Nature in its simplest most nurturing of ways can help ground you, put things in perspective and calm your racing mind. If you can try to get out into a place where there are trees, birds, green. Breathe. Focus. Center. Ground. Appreciate. Internalize. See how you have been given a gift.

 

[zeropoint]

What works 100% of the time - is Nature. Nature in its simplest most nurturing of ways can help ground you, put things in perspective and calm your racing mind. If you can try to get out into a place where there are trees, birds, green. Breathe. Focus. Center. Ground. Appreciate. Internalize. See how you have been given a gift.

Thank you. It's a good idea. I live in the US in the Upper Midwest, though, where it's quite cold, and I have cold weather asthma so even bundling up and getting outside doesn't help much. But there are probably some indoor spaces with at least plants and stuff that I can find.

 

[missbliss]

Yeah. There's a whole bunch of interesting things to see right now. Especially observing the squirrels and deer and how they're preparing for the winter. The acorns that have fallen, the greens that are still going - the survivors - and the trees. Watch how the trees buckle down and dig in deep for the long haul. Find a tree among the Wise Ones that speaks to you and connect with it. Grandfather or Grandmother energy. It's all good.

 

[Philippa]

Naps are also a great way to recharge, though some people don't like taking them (don't understand that one myself? :D ) but they can really restore your soul and energy if you feel depleted. It can be a challenge to overcome the guilt society imposes upon nappers, but hey, even corporations have started to allow their employees to take naps at work, as it is proven to increase productivity.

 

[Spiderallis]

Cold weather is a problem for me too. For wintertime I set up a routine of having a cup of tea or cocoa in the evening or afternoon- something without caffeine. Making it a habit is part of what helps me, the stability and being able to look forward to having tea and a quiet moment. Make that time yours and yours alone- it's a bit meditative, just relax and enjoy your cozy hot drink. Feel the heat reaching throughout your whole body, it's like the mindfulness exercises I was taught. Maybe incorporate @missbliss 's suggestion and get a potted plant to tend to and enjoy? I've always liked cacti, but an easy-upkeep plant of any kind would work. It's still nature, but it's nature in a warm and comfortable place.

 

[Bonsiren]

There's nothing wrong with establishing boundaries in a firm and understanding way. I can understand feeling responsible for everyone else's crisis and the need to be supportive when they're facing something huge, but you're not a therapist. Encourage them to seek out other healthy alternatives: maybe start a journal, or write a letter and throw it away, or teach them your favorite self-care techniques. Explain to them they aren't barred from talking to you, and you want to support them, but they need to learn how to manage their own conflicts too.

It's a big responsibility to shoulder someone else's grievances, and one person just can't handle that much stress.

I find a lot of joy in being a homebody. I'm very introverted, so people not seeing me face-to-face for a while isn't weird or uncommon. I avoid crowds, bars, concerts--they're exhausting and not fun. But I like to take time for myself as much as possible to ensure I'm not getting stuck inside my own apartment. I have a small, secluded patio that I like to stand on to clear my head and breathe some fresh air. I enjoy cooking and baking. I write: sometimes fiction, sometimes survival horror, sometimes just a word document full of my own thoughts and feelings at the time. I picked up drinking tea from therapy, and I love coffee. When I drink coffee or tea, I pay attention to what I'm doing and savor the taste. It helps me slow down and loosen my own anxieties.

Maybe there's something I've written that sounds good to you. :)

 

[MissKB]

Some of it is just the way my parents hold me responsible for their egos so much. It's harder to learn how to draw boundaries and somehow assert that I need to be taken care of when the people who are imposing are actually people I care about. I know what I need to say. I just don't ever know when I need to say it, and then suddenly I'm feeling all exhausted and bedraggled from being everyone else's sympathetic ear.

I am sooo with you here. I can not stick to my boundaries. I let my mother step over all the time. I STILL think I can please her and keep trying. But she can just shoot me down in two seconds. I keep letting her get close enough that she can really hurt me.