Boundaries List(s)

[Changing4Best]

I thought, since it was suggested to me that I make a Boundaries List, due to a relationship that was being troublesome, that I would share my list here, in hopes that it might be of help to others.

Feel free to make and add your own list(s). Also, if your list cross refernces mine, or another person's, that should not matter. The point is to make it personal to YOU, so that YOU can use it and it will be very real to you.

Here's mine:

1.Not answering my phone if I don't want to talk to that person (always use caller ID).
2.Not answering the door (alsways look through the peep hole or ask "Who is it?" if you cannot see who is there".
3.Not opening an email from that person.
4.Not opening a letter from that person.
5.Or if it is part of an email digest, don't read that particular reply.
6.Realize that it may be the last time I hear from that person and rejoice!
7.Don't be affraid to end that relationship forever or at least until Heaven.
8.If the person wants to meet, say "NO."
9.If the person asks to sit with me, like at church or in a restaurant,
say "NO thankyou."
10.Don't initiate any contact with the person if they seem to want to let it go.
11.Be willing for them to have the last word. (HUGE FOR ME TO
FACILITATE, I guess I am one who seems to really want that last
word).
12.If the person says something gross, impolite, rude or
inappropriate, IGNORE IT!
(or stop reading it at that point, don't finish reading it in other words!).
13.If the person is following/stalking me, walk into the Police
Station and inform them.
14.If the person if following/stalking me in the grocery store or
another shop, inform the manager or owner.
15.Call 911 if the above occurs and the manager won't help (bring my
phone with me at all times). [I often forget to bring it].
16.Call 911 if it is occurring outside.
17.Go places with someone (so that I am not vulnerable and alone).
18.Get a ride (for the same reason, and so that public transport is not an option for my stalker to stalk me in).
19. Walk up to someone and start speaking to them if it is occurring.
20.Block the person on Facebook. Delete their emails. UNjoin a group
they belong to. Find something else to do!

 

[The Albatross]

Really good topic Shiela... I bookmarked this on, because I want to spend some time really thinking about this.

 

[The Albatross]

oops, found the bookmark thing...(sorry, I don't use it very often).

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks for the honor Albatross, I'll be looking forward to seeing your list, but take your time, I have this one bookmarked I think too. I shall check!

 

[Changing4Best]

OKAY, I think I did it right now! (I checked the "receive email notifications" thing).

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Good job on starting your list Sheila. :)

 

[einzelganger]

Here's my list:

1. I have the right to direct the course of my own life, based on what is right for me, regardless of what others feel I should or shouldn't do.

2. I have a right to be heard and believed and/or remain silent if uncomfortable.

3. I have a right to all my feelings (anger, fear, pain, love, joy) and a right to express my feelings in a positive, non-abusive and constructive manner.

4. I have the right to say no.

5. I have the right to leave the company of anyone including family members, temporarily or permanently, who either deliberately or inadvertently fails to respect me as a person or treats me in any way that is unhealthy and harmful.

6. I have the right to object to any touch.

7. I have the right to privacy and personal space.

8. I have the right to trust my feeling, perceptions, judgment, intuition, and inner experience.

9. I have the right to a loving, non-sexual, non-abusive relationships with friends, parents, and children.

10. I have the right to a healthy, loving, non-abusive, relationship with a person I choose.

11. I have the right to have healthy, happy children who are safe.

12. I have a right to choose a lifestyle, including a sexual lifestyle, that is comfortable for me.

13. I have the right to happiness, love, health, and peace, regardless of the past.

14. I have the right to refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except myself. I am only responsible for my thoughts, emotions, and actions.

15. I have the right to develop myself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

16. I have the right to think for myself.

17. I have the right to make choices beyond mere survival.

18. I have the right to make mistakes. I'm not perfect.

19. I have a right to explore and discover my place in the world.

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks for sharing einz, that is a well thought out, extensive list.

 

[squirrelygirl]

I have the right to ignore IMs and texts from him.

I have the right to not offer an explanation for my behavior if I feel uncomfortable or triggered.

I have the right to not keep a promise that I felt pressured to make.

 

[Changing4Best]

That is right, girl, you sure do!

 

[needtomoveon]

Good points... except or unless it's used to avoid responsibilities and obligations which I think happens a lot by this use of a "boundaries List" i.e. owing someone $$ or giving back property thats not yours