Boundaries

[digger]

Does he have your address?

 

[Casey_03]

Yep

 

[Casey_03]

I stopped responding to his crazy messages and was just photographing them all, as suggested (it's true, there's a timestamp and it could help my case). I sent him one last message saying that his behavior constitutes abuse, that it is harmful to me and the baby, and that for the baby's sake we must go through lawyers and cease all contact otherwise. His response was to mock me repeatedly, claim I'm the one abusing him, that I trapped him and should've had an abortion, and that he and his family are flying out whether I like it or not. Normally I'd think he's just posturing or trying to scare me, but it seems likely he's serious and he really will fly out with them. I'm hyperventilating

 

[digger]

I think, if at all possible, I would try to be somewhere else next week.

I would also consider emailing his mum, not to get into any dialogue with her, but simply to make her aware that because of her son's behaviour this is now moving to lawyers, that he is aware of this, that visiting next week is unacceptable and that as such you will not be in Kiev next week.

You do not need to enter into any other dialogue about it with her or him. Just state where things are at so that her son cannot claim otherwise.

They can choose to believe or not believe whatever they want to. Do what you need to do to keep you and your son safe and well

 

[digger]

My T calls it the broken record approach - don't get drawn into dialogue that is being put there to draw you away from your boundary, just keep restating the boundary.

 

[Casey_03]

The worst part of all this is that no one in his family knows how he tormented me throughout the pregnancy, how he demanded an abortion and fled. So it will be very easy to portray me as the unstable one playing games.

 

[digger]

it will be very easy to portray me as the unstable one playing games.

I know it's hard, but I think you need to put what his family might or might not think of you to one side. He is going to feed them bullshit about you whatever because the alternative is owning his own shit, and it doesn't sound like that's going to happen anytime soon, no matter how 'co-operative' you are.

As long as you keep acting in your son's best interests, that is what matters, whether his family are able, or choose, to see that or not at the moment.

It is not in your son's best interests to see you continually stressed and bullied by this behaviour. Your boundaries are not unreasonable.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

If your ex is coming to you is there a safe house that you can stay with the baby for a while, it may be inconvient but I am concerned about this new threat, I would be totally freaking out over this one too.:hug::hug:

 

[Enaila]

I know what you are saying about looking like the spiteful ex, but I had to get to a point where I didn't care about what my ex's family thought. It wasn't about them, it was about my babies. What the ex's family thinks is not important.

I agree wholeheartedly with Digger and Gizmo on all their suggestions! I had to stay at a hotel on two different occasions (women's coalition put me there and kept in touch until it was safe to return to my house) and once at a friend's for three days. I was frightened and mostly anxious; however, we were safe.

I don't know what help is available where you are, but there can be safety in numbers sometimes. Can you call for help if he trespasses where you live, as that is what he will be doing if he insists on coming in and you are saying no?

 

[scout86]

You know, since he's not on the birth certificate, if you don't want child support, you can claim Donald trump is the father, if you want to. He's going to have to prove otherwise before anyone can make you do anything. He can fly wherever he wants and bring whoever he wants, you don't have to see them.

 

[Heather]

So he's claiming you trapped him and you should have had an abortion...... but now says he and his family are flying to see the baby? And I thought my ex was bad?!

What a sick f*ck.