Relationship Boyfriend And New Friend That Happens To Be A Girl

[Jodi]

I have a boyfriend that has ptsd and he tends to try to mask the effects by going to the bar. Well there was a new bartender that started one day when I was up there with him. We talked to her and my bf goes up there about 2 to 3 times a week I go up there about once a month or once every other month well I guess they have been talking a lot. He says they are just friends but I feel that he may be emotionally involved with her. He talks to her every day and him and I havent' been on the best of terms right now. Any of you ever experience anything similar? Any advice?

 

[IvyMillie]

I haven't had that happen to me. However, it doesn't sound very good. It probably isn't so good that he likes to go drinking so much, plus having a girl there that he has been becoming friendly with.

People like to think that plutonic relationships work between men and women--saying "we are just friends", and really many times that doesn't work. The fact that he talks to her everyday isn't so great either. However, I don't know if you guys had any guidelines between the two of you on that subject.

My husband and I have certain guidelines that we follow. We don't develop friendships with people of the opposite sex. We try to be very careful. We set the guidelines up so that we are both happy and feel secure in our relationship. Maybe not everyone has to do that. However, it prevents alot of mistrust and misunderstanding. It builds up our trust.

On the other hand, you don't want to be unduly suspicious either. I think if you were around the two of them, you would be able to tell pretty quickly what kind of relationship they have. Maybe, she is just a pathetic needy person. So maybe try to examine it as best as you can before you approch him about it. If you can bring it up in a way that helps him see your feelings and not think that you are just being crazy jealous.

People think jealousy is always bad, however, on the good side it shows that you care about the person. You sound genuinely concerned. I sure hope the best for you--it has to be hard to see.. :)

 

[Cyndi S]

My spouse and I both have lots of platonic opposite sex friends but I have to point out that we all grew up in the same small town and most of our group is in relationships. We have complete access to each others cellphones, laptops, emails, etc. Its not a distrust thing, its you should have nothing to hide thing. Plus certain rules are in place like No spending time one on one with a single person of the opposite sex. In my personal experience you should voice your discomfort of their relationship and explain why it makes you uncomfortable.

 

[wife of]

Ahh,I've been a Barmaid and "befriended" lots of guys.

As long as there is a bar between them all should be well. Its a big part of a good barmaids job to listen and cheer its as if the talker is in a secure place,almost like therapy.

If you are realy concerned it might be worth going along and saying hi yourself,hint at your concerns and nicely make sure she knows he is in a relationship.

I'd put money on the fact that shes just being a friendly ear.Barmaids get a lot of flack and don't get me wrong there are a lot of them that consider guy grabbing as a perk of the job but most of them are just talkers.

 

[Aunt Flo]

I am feeling a little apprehensive. My bf and I have a mutual gf who just happens to have gone abit strange on me over the past few days. My bf has now told me he needs to end us because of his mental health but something isn't sitting right with this girl. I have a nasty feeling that she may be making a move on him, but I'm not sure he will preciprocate, but I'm not sure. She was seeing a friend of his, so not sure it would be in his ethics to start a relationship with her, although the friend is now seeing someone else, so maybe he feels it would be ok. Although the rule with the lads is that you don't spark up a relationship with someone's ex.

This is eating me up inside right now and I feel sick with worry :confused:

 

[Cyndi S]

Flat out ask, it normally seems like the best course of action. Although I did that and he laughed and denied anything and I'm just now finding out he slept with her months ago. So ask her as well.