Boyfriend and triggers - Tell me your experience, how you deal with it, what helps and what doesn't.

Friday

Moderator
Sounds lovely but **squints** where do I find a safe and private such waterfall 😂😂😂
If you don’t live in a region full of them… or go on holiday in those areas… there’s something called ‘waterfall shower heads’. Not as fun as being waist deep in a pool with a waterfall to stand under, but still nice. 😎

***

When I’m living in a house I usually build either an outside bathing area in the back garden (warm climate), or snug little greenhouse (cold climates). In the city, though, it depends on the size of the loft I’m leasing & whether or not I can sweet talk the landlord in letting me plumb it. <<< I never set up my lofts the way normal people do. I prefer my bed in the central living area (along with my gymnastics mats, static trapeze, & other toys) turn the bedroom into bathroom & closet, and whatever little dark nook people, usually stick boxes in is where the curl up in the dark with a TV is.) Shrug. It ‘s backwards from what most people want, but it suits me.

If I ever get truly wealthy, or even halfway wealthy, I’d build myself a proper bathhouse. But that’s thousands to tens of thousands, depending on how elaborate, and major construction; whilst outside bathing areas or little greenhouses are only a few hundred, and easily struck down when time to move (although most of my landlords have wanted to keep them, and a few even knocked off a couple months rent).

For my own self, it’s usually centered around an Ofuro, but I’ve had waterfall showers a few times. (Ditto rain showers, saunas, and a few other things, at the request of whomever I was dating). Privacy is super easy, it’s just screens & plants. A load of smooth river rocks to keep the ground nice and cedar planks as steps through them. I also usually dig little irrigation ditches towards the gardens/away from the house, and fill with gravel, and sod over if I’m going to be somewhere longer than a few months. It’s a day long project, but it reduces water use, and makes for lovely yards.

The only time I haven’t done that (dual drainage/irrigation) is when the house I was renting had one of those little interior courtyards dead center in the house, open to the sky, that people usually either install a hot tub or Al fresco dining. The floor drain was already hooked into the city. I just blocked the view indoors with plants and screens, same as I do outdoors, and put my baths & shower in there. That’s one of the times I used a waterfall head.

^^^
Even though outside bathing areas are a fast/easy/inexpensive build? 2-3 days for less than a thousand? (But only a couple hours max to rip out, when moving, if the landlord doesn’t want it kept.)

If it’s not something you’d use all the time, a helluva lotta posh hotels have lovely in-room spa-type showers/baths… for the whole sexual adventuring thing.

One of my favorite common hotel designs is when they have a dual sided fireplace as the “wall” between the bedroom and bathroom. That’s always super fun. (The toilet is usually in a little cubby with a door, or blocked off from view by a half wall).

Although (come to think of it?) a wacky bathing area might help with avoiding bathroom triggers until you’ve decided to deliberately come at them? Even though these spaces are things I ADORE, I don’t alway live in a place I can build one. I nearly always do, but needs must.
 
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Roland

MyPTSD Pro
If you don’t live in a region full of them… or go on holiday in those areas… there’s something called ‘waterfall shower heads’. Not as fun as being waist deep in a pool with a waterfall to stand under, but still nice. 😎

***

When I’m living in a house I usually build either an outside bathing area in the back garden (warm climate), or snug little greenhouse (cold climates). In the city, though, it depends on the size of the loft I’m leasing & whether or not I can sweet talk the landlord in letting me plumb it. <<< I never set up my lofts the way normal people do. I prefer my bed in the central living area (along with my gymnastics mats, static trapeze, & other toys) turn the bedroom into bathroom & closet, and whatever little dark nook people, usually stick boxes in is where the curl up in the dark with a TV is.) Shrug. It ‘s backwards from what most people want, but it suits me.

If I ever get truly wealthy, or even halfway wealthy, I’d build myself a proper bathhouse. But that’s thousands to tens of thousands, depending on how elaborate, and major construction; whilst outside bathing areas or little greenhouses are only a few hundred, and easily struck down when time to move (although most of my landlords have wanted to keep them, and a few even knocked off a couple months rent).

For my own self, it’s usually centered around an Ofuro, but I’ve had waterfall showers a few times. (Ditto rain showers, saunas, and a few other things, at the request of whomever I was dating). Privacy is super easy, it’s just screens & plants. A load of smooth river rocks to keep the ground nice and cedar planks as steps through them. I also usually dig little irrigation ditches towards the gardens/away from the house, and fill with gravel, and sod over if I’m going to be somewhere longer than a few months. It’s a day long project, but it reduces water use, and makes for lovely yards.

The only time I haven’t done that (dual drainage/irrigation) is when the house I was renting had one of those little interior courtyards dead center in the house, open to the sky, that people usually either install a hot tub or Al fresco dining. The floor drain was already hooked into the city. I just blocked the view indoors with plants and screens, same as I do outdoors, and put my baths & shower in there. That’s one of the times I used a waterfall head.

^^^
Even though outside bathing areas are a fast/easy/inexpensive build? 2-3 days for less than a thousand? (But only a couple hours max to rip out, when moving, if the landlord doesn’t want it kept.)

If it’s not something you’d use all the time, a helluva lotta posh hotels have lovely in-room spa-type showers/baths… for the whole sexual adventuring thing.

One of my favorite common hotel designs is when they have a dual sided fireplace as the “wall” between the bedroom and bathroom. That’s always super fun. (The toilet is usually in a little cubby with a door, or blocked off from view by a half wall).

Although (come to think of it?) a wacky bathing area might help with avoiding bathroom triggers until you’ve decided to deliberately come at them? Even though these spaces are things I ADORE, I don’t alway live in a place I can build one. I nearly always do, but needs must.
Oh wow, I love all of this. Thank you for the ideas. I definitely get the tiny room in the dark to curl up and watch tv, that’s great in my mind. I’m amazed you’ve invested that much into rental properties, I supposed you lived in those houses long enough to make the most of it. But yeah, thanks, I appreciate the understanding and insight
 

Roland

MyPTSD Pro
I feel like this got weird? Not trying to be judgey I just don’t know what’s happening.
Maybe you didn’t follow the whole train, my fiancé and I have had lots of good communication and some of it had to do with my own triggers around bathrooms and sex, but anyways, all since on this thread has been methods and strategies to handle that going forward without missing on the fun and also improving things and lessening triggers. I get it’s not all that comfortable a topic for everyone, but hey that’s the internet for ya, plenty of other threads you can hop on if you don’t like this one.
 

SemperFiTRex

New Here
Maybe you didn’t follow the whole train, my fiancé and I have had lots of good communication and some of it had to do with my own triggers around bathrooms and sex, but anyways, all since on this thread has been methods and strategies to handle that going forward without missing on the fun and also improving things and lessening triggers. I get it’s not all that comfortable a topic for everyone, but hey that’s the internet for ya, plenty of other threads you can hop on if you don’t like this one.
Nothing to dislike! I just don’t think I was following terminology. Thanks.
 
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