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Break up caused by my CPTSD

#13
I was dumped by significant other three days ago after being together for the last seven years. So now I'm by myself she was my only support that I had. if I lucky all catch the virus and die i'm at ready a high risk because of lupus.
 
#14
I was dumped by significant other three days ago after being together for the last seven years. So now I'm by myself she was my only support that I had. if I lucky all catch the virus and die i'm at ready a high risk because of lupus.
Oh, kodiak, your breaking my heart. Please, know that the pain won't be this intense forever.

I have Lupus as well, if like me you're on Plaquenil, then you probably won't get the virus, anyway. From what I hear it has protective value.

I know it seems like the end of the world, especially now, but there better days ahead. Are you currently in therapy? If not, it might be a good idea to look into this possibility.

Sending you warm thoughts.💖
 
#15
Very few people with PTSD can keep and maintain healthy relationships with the opposite sex. Particularly women it seems, who usually end up instead with some lowlife rat because they can only deal with dysfunction..
Be careful with generalizations. There are plenty of women on this board who have been and are currently in very long relationships.
 
#17
Be careful with generalizations. There are plenty of women on this board who have been and are currently in very long relationships.
I'm sure you're right. That's great if some have been successful.
However, I am not known for being politically correct. And, because of my wounds, I can be quite misanthropic at times. I may irk some with my views, but, I have very, very good reason for them..
And, I am only speaking from my personal experiences on the matter. So far, in the half century I have walked this Earth, not one single person has proved me wrong. Not one.
Here's a generalization: Humans suck.

Every.single.one of us is here because of some human act--be it some type of abuse, war, or some other hellish scenario homo erectoids have cooked up and pushed upon us.
Like it or not, we are all a separate species of human now. And, we feel the effects that mutation daily.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
#18
I'm wow, that's not true about over generalizing. And I'm pissed that you'd dismiss a valid feeling like that. My own mother has had to distance herself from me, otherwise she burns out and I don't see her for months, because she can't cope with my CPTSD, and I've lost every single friend ive been close enough not hide my symptoms from, because they also can't handle being friends with somebody with such severe mental issues.
I'm wondering, do you think your mother and your friends are justified in this? Or, are they too weak (in your view)?

And, do you think about what you can do to change this dynamic with them?
 
#19
Thanks for responding, @Friday. I feel like I'm hijacking this thread. But I wanted to say that you are typically really responsive and thoughtful about what you write, so no, I don't think all of your posts are lacking in sympathy, and I don't think it was fair to attribute your approach as "f*ck your feelings." But I do know that when I've posted when I felt raw that I was very sensitive and reacted to your focus on solutions as ignoring my cries for the sake of getting fixed, which maybe triggers my experience as a child in which my feelings were treated as an inconvenience at best and threat at worst. But even then, after reading your suggestions, thoughts, advice, they are usually so amazingly well thought out, I often return to them when I'm able to process them.

@kodiak, I'm really sorry you feel that way. I think us ptsd folks often have deep-seated fears of abandonment, and fear that we are the cause of their rejection. A break up can feel catastrophic even though you are probably more than enough to get through it. I hope that you endure your dark times and emerge stronger.
 
#21
I don't think @Friday's response invalidated anyone's experience or emotions. Sympathy keeps people down. Empathy builds them up. What Friday discussed is a very real and usable method to get to the root of bad feelings (cognitive behavior therapy) and see them for what they are. I think we all have had a lot of heartbreak, and breakups are so hard when you have a mental illness. She was allowing you to see where changing your feelings could make you feel better. There is a lot of this kind of response on this site. I found it very helpful. I went from being hospitalized 15 times in one year, to being a mostly functioning person. Because of therapy AND the helpful advice on this site. I hope you can eventually see what she was saying so you can help yourself get better.
 
#22
Honestly I think I'd rather that my partner murdered me than left me. Because the realization that nobody can get close to me without burning out and either giving up on me entirely or needing space is a fate worse than death.

I'm really hoping somebody here might have some insight on how this feels.
I was a strong person. Amazing career. I got into this insane relationship. I was older..."knew better" etc.

Your comment saddens me, because you feel like crap. I get it. Been there, wished I was dead many times over. Unreal today I ever felt that way.

That is CPTSD. Throw it along under a busload of other issues but that heinous intense feeling..the one that kept incredible ME stuck in a hell hole. Fog. CPTSD. It is a world untrue itself. It clouds humane thought.

The sense of attack you may feel by advice here....maybe due to a fingernail in an old wound. Been there. It is ok. Keep talking.

Do you have a therapist? Someone one else? Keep posting we are here for you.

Whirlwind
 
#23
Hey I don't know if you're still looking to these replies but just know it IS possible.
And it's not your fault.
I had a guy wait outside my work to dump me because he "could not deal with my ptsd anymore." He then wanted to get back together.
I thought I was unlovable. That finding love would be impossible.
It's not. If you can find someone empathetic and patient and understanding then you know you're safe to just be you, with all the other things that come along with that.
I had a few breakups that I thought were my fault. I dated a lot and thought I failed a lot. But they were the problem, not me. They could've tried couples counseling, tried researching ptsd and anxiety, or simply just tried accepting me.
Those didn't work. But I know years later now it had nothing to do with my ptsd or anxiety. When i was still younger and dating, I explained upfront my ptsd, my triggers, how I may react to them, I basically gave them a handbook.
And it worked. Many times.
Sometimes people need a handbook..not literally...unless you think they actually would be able to understand better.
Maybe that relationship could work with couple's therapy?
Maybe he made a split decision out of frustration?
Either way, it is not your fault. You're dealing with things the best you can. Our loved ones should be there even when we don't have it all together. Almost anything can be overcome if the love is strong enough and when two people want to make it work. You clearly did your part. You are worthy of love. There is someone out there who will accept your ups and downs, praise your successes and be patient during your not so good times.
Hold on to hope.
Know that you are enough and you deserve love. You can do this.
Much love and healing.
 
#24
It's been a while and so hopefully you are healing but I have some experience with this.

I had CPTSD for like 33 years or so - and may or may not still have it - it seems to depend on the day of the week, what the doctor ate and so on. I have been rejected by family and "friends" more times than I care to count on account of my anxiety.

I had a boyfriend in high school who got heavily into performance art- wandering around in bike shorts and old lady wigs. It caused me horrific anxiety because it drew attention to us. Since I have a facial deformity, it was difficult for me to deal with. Ultimately, he left me because I was not fun and was often irritable. I'd already lost my family and I was absolutely devastated that one more person threw me away and he took all of our friends with him. That was a 4.5 year long relationship. It ended in 1999.

In 2008, something similar happened but I also moved 3,000 miles for this relationship. I had too many complicated questions. I made him think too much. I was making him crazy. I was never happy. He kicked me out. I had nowhere to go and ended up losing 50 pounds almost overnight because the stress and devastation were too much. This marked a low point for me. I felt like the entire world was against me.

In 2014, I spent about a year with a guy who six months in started yelling at me when I would have a panic attack. At right about the year mark, I broke up with him. He proceeded to tell all the cool kids what a square I was and I had nothing but problems in that tiny town afterwards. Later, I realized how proud I should have been because the myriad of things I was having anxiety about were things I should have had some say in but did not.

Right after that was over, I met my husband and married him maybe 4 months later. I was 35 and this is my first marriage. We don't have the problems mentioned above because he understands the severity of my anxiety and listens to me when I have to stop and freak out for a minute. Sure, it's uncomfortable sometimes but we get through it and he cares that I have peace, so he actually wants to know if everything is alright with me. It's been 5.5 years and we get better at communicating all the time. I honestly don't think he's leaving. I think, by some miracle, he actually likes me.

Again, I am recovering - maybe still have CPTSD but it's mild, not at all where it was in high school or 2008. That can happen and when it does things get easier. But I was still really struggling when I met my husband and I am glad that I was because I know he loves me and I don't have to wonder where he's going to go when things get rough.

I remember feeling like the most dejected, failed human being on the planet because of failed relationships but it wasn't true. We all have weaknesses and tolerances that are different. For instance, I'm not attracted to overweight men but I had a 4.5 year long relationship with a blind guy and we didn't split up over his blindness even though, hell yes, it meant extra work for me.

Again, hopefully you are feeling much better about this already. It's a big world out there. Don't let you experience thus far make you believe that it is not.
 
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