Sufferer Broken And New To The Forum

[Rich505]

Hello all, I use to be a good man. I was a young staff sergeant in the Air Force I had a awesome career going. Early promotions was rated as an excellent troop. My first deployment I was in Afghanistan saw some stuff but when I came home to my wife life went on and I was fine. A year later I got another tasking and had to leave my wife and newborn to go to Iraq. Towards the end of my deployment I had an accident. While In the ER I witnessed 4 wounded marines come in and one with a headshot bled out in front of me. Once they called it and I saw them move his body for transportation to the morgue something clicked in my mind every thing I saw over there in both deployments came all back to me I couldn't forget about it or blow it off.

I started having nightmares while I was still there I got back to the states and my chain of command turned on me rated me as poor and tried to destroy my career. Luckily since I sought mental health I got a medical retirement. I have nightmares all the time my wife has left me several times. My wife and sons are my life. I haven't worked since my retirement because pain and I don't sleep we'll. I believe my marriage is coming to an end after 9 years my high school sweetheart is fed up with me. She doesn't want to be married to a crazy broken man. The VA counseling is a joke and thanks to PTSD I've pretty much lost all my friends. So here I am

 

[21103132319]

Although not the same circumstances that lead us to feel this way but I am looking for answers on how to get out of this never ending black hole.... Anything I find I can relay the message if you like. Good luck to you my friend.

 

[rockyspine]

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry for what's happened to you and what you're currently going through. While I don't know much about this type of PTSD, I really hope you are able to find help that works for you. There is peace to be found, just got to find the right path to get there.

I noticed you started your post with "I used to be a good man". That stood out to me. Never forget, you are still that good man. It's just things that have happened to you to make you feel the emotions you do, and the pain. They do not define you as a person. You are still a good person. And seeking help is the first step to getting back to remembering that.

Best of luck with treatment.

 

[a3a2]

rockypine said it so well. Just because you are wounded emotionally does not mean you are a good man. Get counseling. It helps A LOT.

 

[Court]

Hi Rich505 you did respond to a post of mine but now reading this it calls out to me except I'm the wife and my husband is in the army on deployment #2.

I worry but we are also high school sweethearts been together 16 years in August. I have found talking to an outsider helps and gets a lot of my chest. I know the worst still could be coming because he isn't home yet but he has lashed out at me told me its over explained I am better of with someone else and so fourth. Does she have anyone to talk to not family but a counselor or someone going through what she is? I know every person is different but if you haven't already said how important she is maybe some how you can.

As a supporter I need to know my husband will seek help and make the full effort to get better but in turn I need to learn as much as I can and work with him. I read so much the first few days I was overwhelmed and assumed my marriage was over but in here there are stories of marriages working and there helpful advice on how they handle stuff.

I hope she comes around. :) Also don't put yourself down or think any less of who you are due to situations you were put in doing something most people would never have the courage to do.

 

[PinkSugar]

PSTD is not a choice, and you can't tell it to go away or make anyone understand what you go through. I understand the stress of PTSD and relationships, they feel impossible. But remember you aren't "crazy", you're a respectable veteran with war related PTSD. I hope everything becomes easier for you.

Emm

 

[intothelight]

Hi Rich,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

There is a related forum you may find helpful: MyCombatPTSD.com. A link for this site can be found at the bottom of the page.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful as you work on healing.

Debbie

 

[KP the nut]

Hi, just stopped by to say welcome.

 

[MoeX]

I was the supporter of a combat vet. We share a child and unfortunately we are no longer together. I can't stress how important getting help is. Talk to someone, anyone. Encourage your wife to come here also. Its so helpful to have people that understand. The one thing that I wished my vet had done was talk to me. It didn't have to be about the trauma. Just general well being was ok. If you don't do that try. Supporters need to know they are valued and part of the team. I wish you both luck.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)