Sufferer Broken

[bensnapped]

I have been tortured in the past, but kept it together for decades. Then more recently the stress of being broke and of having a tough job was getting to me. I've been cracking and snapping since July 2011. My coworkers and management psychologically pushed me over the edge (illegally). I had no other options than to stay with my job. I totally obliterated the day I qualified for disability. That was over a year ago. I just barely made it. If I hadn't qualified who knows where I would be without money and justice on my side.

I've been crying out for help from Doctors, therapists, family, support groups for years now maybe, saying I am developing PTSD or have PTSD now.

It never even occurred to me, never once, to even join a forum. That's how much I have lost it. Totally broken. At times I can't even do my laundry, get food, etc. My mind is a trainwreck. I just try to sleep all day. I am ruined. I feel bad, but I know it's not my fault. I have a biological weakness and I pulled some bad cards.

I'm sure that this will be a good forum for me. Wish I had thought about it earlier. I am scared to share personal info though. Things have only gotten worse. I don't even want to leave the house to see Doctors and the Doctors don't want to talk on the phone. How are you supposed to get help, when you are too weak to get help?

I have lost so much, I hope this helps.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

This is a great community for information and support.

 

[jeeps for now]

Hi,

I have experience with the type of things you have mentioned. Perhaps we can chat about it more someday.

Welcome

 

[safenow]

Hi bensnapped,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I have been tortured, and know how hard it is to get over. Don't give up hope. There is help for you.

You will find that a lot of wonderful people come here. People with PTSD from all sorts of trauma. There are also people who support loved ones with PTSD. Add that with good information, and you will find this to be a good forum.

I recommend you go to the wiki pages, and look up The PTSD Cup. It might help you to make some sense out of what you are going through.

Sorry you are struggling so bad right now. Take some breathes, and get a drink of cool water. It will help.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Tribulations]

Bensnapped welcome to the forum. I have been coming here for a good amount of time. I too was scared to share and still sometimes scared when I post. I have been met with nothing but positivity, care, understanding, insight, and just all around good vibes. I hope and can honestly say you will have the same experience. The stress cup explanation is a great start as Safenow posted. That helped me see things in a better light and helped me explain it properly.

You are with people who understand you here, sufferer or supporter. I wish you nothing but good wishes and thank you for your input as well.

 

[bensnapped]

Thanks. After months of begging I was finally able to convince my Doctor to let me do visits over the phone as often as possible. Although difficult it can and is being done.

I also was officially labeled PTSD, so now it's in writing. I also found getting myself into a low stimulation environment has helped a bit. I use a headset alot to block sound. Look forward to learning more.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Hi bensnapped,

I just want to say that I relate to what you're experiencing, even if different trauma and circumstances. It made me feel slightly positive to hear someone describing these things because I feel less alone with the aloneness I'm suffering.

I have very old trauma from my childhood and more recent traumas starting in April that have unraveled me worse than I've ever been. Last week or so, multiple times a day I'll burst into uncontrollable sobbing for a long time. Today I did this at the neurofeedbck center and I can tell the depth of my issues is getting off putting to them. For many years I've been becoming increasingly afraid of other people, and now find it hard to leave home at all. I feel so broken I don't know how to seek the further help I need, which I also imagine to be years or decades of different types of therapy.

Anyway, I'm glad I came to these forums recently and glad to meet you as well. Thank you for posting, and I hope you find supports here to combat the isolation. It seems no matter what the type of trauma, isolation and a sense of brokenness, difficulty reaching out for help are very common themes.