Brother’s alcohol addiction after losing his wife

[Wendy_77ij]

My brother changed a lot after his wife’s suicide. It has been a year since that, I thought he’d recovered, but I might’ve been wrong.
Maybe those who don’t know him as well as I do won’t notice any changes, but I see them. He started to drink alcohol almost every day, and he does this alone, it’s not like him. It’s strange, but he looks pretty decent in the mornings, at least nobody at his work worry about his state.
I tried to talk with him a lot of times, he answers that he can stop at any time, but suspect he’s addicted. This has been going on for 3 months, and it seems he didn’t even try to stop.
I think about treatment for him, maybe some rehab, I’ve read about such places on Addictionresource. But I doubt he'll agree, he always reluctantly accepts other people’s help. I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid it’ll just make things worse if I insist.

 

[Friday]

A whole helluva lot of people abuse alcohol or become heavy users, especially during times of high stress / direct cause (like losing your spouse or child) because they’re usin it as a coping mechanism, without ever becoming addicted to it.

In such cases, especially if it’s short term like for a few months, alcohol treatment is usually contraindicated. Because it’s not the problem. It’s the symptom of the problem... grief. Treat the grief and the drinking too much too often goes away on its own. If it doesn’t? (Rare) THEN you treat the drinking as a seperate issue. Treat the drinking, and the grief stays/gets worse, and both the drinking and other bad coping mechanisms also stays & gets worse.

One of the foundations of AA is that psychiatry and medicine had failed. Meaning that someone isn’t drinking because they’re coping badly, or self medicating, or for any other psychological reason. These days? A lot of people seem to forget that AA is supposed to be the last stop, not the first stop. And it’s a really key thing to keep in mind... because the message in AA is you drink because you’re an alcoholic, any so called “reasons” are bullshit. Which is important for alcoholics. Very very important. And pretty much guarantees that anyone drinking in response to something else doesn’t get the treatment they actually need. AA is a phenom resource, for addiction. But it really is meant to be the last stop. Not the first.

Check out grieving resources, rather than addiction resources, if you want to find more traction with him. Drinking too much is a very common symptom/expression/coping mechanism for dealing with grief. And there are ways to approach that. That are very very different from how addiction resources approach drinking too much.

Drinking too much is also a coping mechanism used by several different psychological disorders. Because it helps temper the symptoms. Just like cutting, or thrill seeking, or sleeping around, or comfort eating, or, or, or, or. Again, treat the underlying cause, and the bad coping mechanisms will sort themselves out, more often than not.

If he’s using his wife’s death as an excuse to drink?
If he’s drinking in order to deal with his wife’s death?
=
2 very different things

 

[SuZQ154]

Your concern for your brother is heartwarming and appropriate. It is very hard to watch people you love make poor choices. AA and Celebrate Recovery are appropriate organizations to address his drinking; however, have you considered suggesting GriefShare, an organization generally run through churches. Dealing alone with a suicide is very, very difficult, and many find healing through group programs with others who have gone through similar situations. Praying for you and your brother today.