Butter And Toast

[Jimmy1]

Awesome mate. Congrats. Message me the details and I will send your lady some flowers.

Jimmy

 

[nomedic1]

Congrats Koala

 

[adeline]

Congrats Koala on the new baby. Thank you guys for always being so honest with what PTSD has done to you. As a supporter I don't get a window into what is really behind everything that happens. I am beginning to understand the pain and anguish you all must face. To me its almost as if you are in quick sand, if you move too fast you will just go deeper and deeper and possibly lose it all. But if you take your time, observe what is around you there may be a way to find a way out of the sandy pit of death. Thanks again guys for your help.

 

[Buck Compton]

Koala im very envious of your ability to control your dreams, as in my situation it is my dreams who control me. Often i will wake up and cannot shake the negative feelings the dreams have left me with. Seeing my buddies who are gone just makes me SO angry, and then it take it out on everyone around me.

it sounds like you have used working to relieve stress, and by having a lot of stress that needs to be relieved you would become VERY good at your work now, try to remember this when those civilians piss you off by being had workers. I know how this goes trust me, i had the same problem at my old job.

try taking your anger out physically if you can, what works for me is punching the hell out of a heavy bag until i can barley hold my arms up anymore, and just recently i have found that using this forum also helps.. just talking about your trauma helps..

keep your head up buddy, i hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Koala]

Richard, man I wish I could control all my dreams. A supermodel or two would appear in every one I can tell you..

Yeah for sure have almost worked myself to death, I actually cried when watching the video on this site when the guy said people used work as self medication. I was sure he was going to say hooch, but then out came work, it was at that point my entire world changed.

I had a chuckle at your punching bag sentance. I used the speed ball with bare hands and would punch it straight on to help increase my jabs, would finish the workout and my knuckles would be split and bleeding. Funny but yeah it would really help. I want to get back into the gym but I also suffer chronic depression due to the PTSD and just cannot get interested enough to actually go. But I know if I go once I will be back into it, was also a coping mechanism I used before finding out I had PSTD. Actually that point raised something rather interesting..

For ten years I have been able to hide the affects of PTSD from myself. How?

1. I put my heart and soul into my work, often doing no less than 10 hours a day at the office... Mind on my work.
2. Would study at home or play computer games at home.... Mind on study or the game.
3. I would go to the gym once in the morning and again in the afternoon.Split Routine... Release of Anger and Stress
4. I smoked cigarettes and drank on the weekend. Wiping myself out for Sat and Sun to start back at point 1.

I am now married with kids and a bit older and don't do points 1, 2, 3, or 4.
I now suffer, I have more time for my mind to wander and no release for the stress and anger.

Koala

 

[willis williams]

I did the work thing for a lot of years. I would work shut downs or plant refit jobs where it was a lot of hours 6 or 7 days a week. I did this for years and it worked there were head hunters calling me for jobs all over the US. I would go straight to the airport and fly out for 2 months come home for ten days.

When I started college in 2006 I managed to make it two years to try and make my ex happy by staying home. I drank vodka before studying or taking test because it don't smell on your breath and it would come my mind so I could concentrate. It only took this short period of time to completely finish ruining my marriage. I could not sleep where I could sleep good when I was on the road because I was tired. The night terrors were in full swing.

Being disabled was the worst thing for meand I pushed to get it for physical and mental because I was scared after all the problems and ending up hospitalized. Now I stay on here to keep my mind occupied and say I need to start using the gym again to try and help with my blood pressure. I have a classic car I'm suposed to start working on and haven't touched. It is hard for me to want to clean the kitchen. I think once I quit all the years of working long hours to compensate for PTSD and missing the military way of life I just ain't figured out how to live.

You would think I would with Seren and my childrens but everything is still faking it till you make it shit. Maybe one day I will wake and my head will leave my arse.