Butter And Toast

[track108]

koala the hardest part of iraq for me wasnt watching my friends die but having to shoot at people, i still cant get it around my head that two people who dont know each other from adam can shoot at eachother my nightmares are always of the firefights i was scared when i got shot at but the first time i shot at somebody i got physically ill and vomited on myself i am shacking right now just thinking about it

 

[Koala]

Mate,

The closest I came was safety off, sight picture on the soldier pointing his weapon at me and finger on the trigger.
I sometimes have dreams where I pull the trigger and I sometimes have dreams where he pulls his trigger.
This is the dream I can control to a degree depending on my mood.

I tip my hat to you guys for holding it together as much as you have.

 

[track108]

I have read a couple of books on the subject of killing, most notably the book ON KILLING by LT COL DAVE GROSSMAN, humans and other animals have such a natural aversion to killing there own species that even in cases like yours were no one was killed or even shots fired the possibility of it happening was beyond real that it can cause severe psychological damage.

Dogs will not fight to the death on thier own they have to be trained and psychological tortured to do it. in the wild they will scrap till one runs away, same thing with humans 99.99% percent of people can not kill someone, you throw in modern military training you can turn 95% of people in to killers. Just the fact you pointed your rifle at someone shows how centuries of warfare have taught our military to turn normal men and women into killers,

Now we just need to learn how to deal with those psychological effects after the training and war. I dont remember my first fire fight except for flashes of it, i couldnt hear anything and it became very bright and everything was moving in slow motion then afterwards i was puking and i thought oh man im puking this is not how a marine does combat.

i suggest reading this book koala it helped me understand what was going on in my head during the war
charles

 

[track108]

p.s. when most military men are asked what they are most afraid of in combat, it is not dying, it is having to kill the enemy and failing their brothers and sisters

 

[nomedic1]

I still dream of the guy i killed.

 

[Koala]

Sometimes it is hard to express emotion on forums,, but nomedic1, picture me giving you a tap on the arm and saying " mate, considering the circumatances I think it is perfectly normal you having dreams like that", can you sometimes change things though?

Track01, thanks for the dog analogy, it really puts things into perspective.

 

[nomedic1]

thanks koala,not really once i dreamt he killed me, other times the other shitty stuff i saw creeps in but my most vivid dreams are about him

 

[Nate1]

I dont remember my first fire fight except for flashes of it, i couldnt hear anything and it became very bright and everything was moving in slow motion then afterwards i was puking and i thought oh man im puking this is not how a marine does combat.

It wasn't until a couple thearipy sessions and having to wirte it out 10 to 20 times before I remember the first fire fight I was in. But it is like what I quoted from Track108, I still don't remember hearing people yelling at me but I remember seeing their lips moving and it was all in slow motion. The carziest thing is I don't remember it being but it was about 95 degrees that day.
It is wild to think about what your body will do in those times and how it will just store it away like it nver happened until one day it just hits you and then one day you are trying to get cover behind your toilet as people are setting off fire cracker outside.
Nate

 

[Koala]

Some good news for the site.

My third little daughter was born yesterday, 8.1 lb or 3.6775 kg.
Will publish the name tomorrow as it is a work in progress..

Hope everybody is well.

Koala

 

[sisu]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am very happy for you and your family! :)

 

[willis williams]

CONGRATS!

 

[BV101]

Well done! Thats total like KAPOW, good news!