Sufferer C-ptsd Hypervigilence & Eating... Please Help

[lonewolf]

Hello,
I just found this site and I definitely fit in here. I was traumatized for years and years and didn't know my symptoms had a name for a long time. Now I do.

My most current problem is that when I experience a trigger or anxiety of some sort, I have a hard time eating. I have a 'spastic' colon that basically feels like someone kicked me in the lower abs as I'm eating. I know that it's anxiety related because as I begin eating, I can feel my chest get tight, and my body tension increases and I have a more difficult time breathing. It's crazy! I'm just eating.

By the time I finish eating, I feel terrible. I feel terribly bloated and pain in my lower abs for the next several hours. My doctor tells me to take a Xanax right before I eat, but I don't want to live on Xanax every time I eat in order to not feel bad. I tend to go in cycles of a few weeks. I get triggered, I feel bad when I eat, eventually it subsides until the next trigger.

Can someone please tell me I'm not the only one and more importantly, what can I do besides live on medications to eat a meal.

With many thanks,
lonewolf

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[Kim]

Hi Lonewolf,

I can definitely relate to the hypervigilence. I'm like that 24/7 and wasn't aware of how bad it was until I went into therapy. Unfortunately for me it's my "normal" as my Complex Trauma started very early in life for me. I thought it was just that I was very observant.

I have IBS, which I'm assuming is similar to what you're experiencing when you eat. I would recommend that you take the xanax when you feel triggered. You don't have to take it every day if you aren't triggered every day. Even if you do end up taking it every day for a while it doesn't mean you'll have to for the rest of your life. Why experience more anxiety or pain than you have to? If it eases symptoms when you need it then it's well worth it.

I on the other hand tend to eat more when I've been triggered. Needless to say I have gained a lot of weight.

By the way, welcome to the forum. You'll find a lot of support here.

 

[lonewolf]

Thank you Kim. I REALLY appreciate your feedback!

"I can definitely relate to the hypervigilence. I'm like that 24/7 and wasn't aware of how bad it was until I went into therapy. Unfortunately for me it's my "normal" as my Complex Trauma started very early in life for me. I thought it was just that I was very observant."

Could you please tell me what this means exactly? I'm wondering if this is me too. I am definitely VERY observant because I learned to be very aware of my surroundings so I could protect myself by anticipating dangers that lurked nearby. How does this present for you? How does your cptsd manifest for you...maybe it will help me to look more closely at my thoughts/feelings/behaviors?

Many thanks again.

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[Kim]

I hope you know that you've had me thinking about this all afternoon. I'll probably end up with a headache from all the thinking I've done on this subject. LOL Only joking -- about the headache anyway.

Like I said Complex Trauma is my "normal" so I've had to really think about this where being hypervigilant is as normal to me as breathing. I think I've come up with a few things anyway.

I tend to be very good at judging the moods of other people. Knowing everybody's mood is a very important aspect of life for a kid who's being abused. I know what somebody's mood is within seconds of seeing them. I guess being able to read other people's body language would fit into that category as well.

Always knowing a route of escape. That is important when an anxiety attack kicks in. The need to know how to get out of where I am as quickly as possible.

Keeping my feelings well hidden. You can't let the abuser know how you really feel. That and I wasn't allowed to show feelings of being upset, hurt, angry or even being sad. The only emotion allowed was happiness.

I don't feel comfortable in a group of people. I'm easily overwhelmed if there are a lot of people around me. I'm much better one on one or in a small group of a few people.

I'm not easily surprised. People find it very difficult to sneak up on me. It's almost like I know they're there without actually seeing them. It's not very often that I'm caught off guard.

As to whether or not being this way is a good thing for me or not I have no clue. I know that there isn't much that I miss. I have no way of knowing what it's like to not be this way. I do know that at times it does keep me from feeling relaxed in different situations and safe in others.

I hope this helps some.

 

[lonewolf]

I do all of those things consistently. Thank you very much for sharing! Can you or someone else please direct me to the information for how to manage my cptsd effectively? I need to learn how to better manage my symptoms and learn what else is broken that I'm not yet aware of. Many thanks.

 

[Elisacullen21]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[KP the nut]

lonewolf, welcome to the forum.

I take meds daily and I also have diazepam for really bad days. I look on them as another tool to help keep my symptoms managable same as doing breathing exercises and grounding techniques.

Wishing you peace
KP

 

[Kim]

Lonewolf,

As most people on this forum would tell you, managing your symptoms is just a small part of the process. You can start by reading different postings on the forum. You can also start by learning everything you can about PTSD here [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/posttraumatic-stress-disorder[/DLMURL].

Being properly diagnosed is probably one of the most important elements in treating PTSD. Only a therapist can do that. Therapy and healing are major parts of the process. Without therapy and healing you will be doing nothing more than managing your symptoms for the rest of your life. The PTSD will continue to haunt you and rule every minute of every day without healing. The PTSD will rule you, not the other way around.

Medication may or may not be recommended. Medication can be a Godsend. I am on Cymbalta as well as Neurontin. The Neurontin has been the only thing that has worked at keeping my mother's voice in my head at bay. The Cymbalta has done wonders for the depression and anxiety attacks I was suffering as well. I don't like the idea of taking meds but I'd rather be on them than to live the way I was living without them. Many people prefer not to take medications but I usually recommend them because why suffer more than is necessary? The medication can help to enable you to think much clearer and begin to start living your life as you begin to heal.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome! You'll find lots of kindness and support here as you work through your PTSD.