C Ptsd

[Mich]

My story if any one can relate can help me out with ideas of what to do that would be awesome.

I have been brought up in a very abusive household. As I age, that environment attracts me subconsciously and I end up in the same shit hole I was born in. I am a 28 yr old female that ends up in the same cycle of abuse when dating. A couple of years ago I learned about narcissistic personality disorders with addiction because I was dating a pretty sick man who had that . I haven't dated much but I swore I would never date again until I recently met someone. I'm having pretty bad flashbacks of exes/childhood flashbacks and its really hard to trust and not run away. I find myself dissecting every conversation as I figure out what motive he has. ( nothing positive) I feel like I'm going to f*ck this up because I have such horrible insecurities. How do I get out of my head by being smart? How do I even believe that I have positive qualities. There are so many women out there why me especially with the things I have yet to accomplish. I have had pretty bad experiences to the point where people are telling me I need to write a book. Out of all the bad things I have seen and heard it is a miracle that I am functioning the way I am now and for that I am grateful but I'd rather have not have experienced such pain. Interpersonal relationships are hard mostly because I run.

 

[joeylittle]

@Mich - do you have diagnosed PTSD?

How do I even believe that I have positive qualities.

You can slowly, over time, re-build your perception of yourself. A lot of this work is done in cognitive therapy - you could look for a therapist or even a group that will give you a basic foundation in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) - which won't necessarily be the be-all end-all for the help you need, but it will let you start dealing with your current, everyday life issues.

A therapist who has a background in trauma work would help you untangle more of the stuff from the past.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I don't see it as running, rather as being very careful. Also, I cherish my personal freedoms a lot. Therefore only someone that is really smart, someone that is really dedicated, someone that really cares and proves it could ever get there.

That rules out 99.99 percent of the population. And boy do the 99.99 percent hate me for that. Hihihihihahahahahahaha