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Itsnotyouitsme
Learning
I think i knew right away and tried handle it on my own using coping skills etc.
figured i could handle it on my own but just really continued declining for like 4 years before finally deciding to go back to p-doc and get help
heh... no. and it actually wasn't ptsd that messed shit up at first... ptsd was actually probably the last of my disorders to rear its ugly head..
i do this thing where im like "i had a good month! im cured!!" and then jump into a lot of stuff waaaaay too fast.
I was on meds to start with, I was seeing my p-doc twice a week every week, got my job etc, was doing good- then went off meds, stopped seeing my p-doc...
so- i basically set myself up to fail
I get that, can definitely relate. I noticed myself declining again a few weeks ago and thought I could handle it all by distracting myself and ‘pretending’ all is ok, I think distraction is the key word here... well I only ended up right back here didn’t I!
What is your situation now? Are you on medication now? Are you seeing a therapist at all? Are you working?
The medication thing for me has always been a bit of a sensitive subject. Whilst I understand that it is completely normal etc I am just so concerned about what it may do to me - so I’ve never actually reached out for medication! I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I already lost myself in the process of all this, I’m already extremely weary of who I am and so if I changed even more with medication that could very well be too much for me to handle. With this, I always tried other things like breathing exercises for my anxiety, or serotonin vitamins to help take the edge off the depression, sleep tea to help settle the flashbacks... I won’t deny though I’ve used a shit load of alcohol too (something I’m not particularly proud of).
I’ve never actually spoken with my GP about any of this... they are aware because my therapist wrote them a letter BUT I’ve never had the conversation with them myself. I reached out privately to a therapist who specialised in my type of trauma therapy, something about not wanting this on my record?! How foolish was I to think I could go on without people knowing I am unwell! Also my trauma therapy finished in June and that was like a real moment of ‘I’ve got to do this on my own now, I’ve got to put this all into practice’ but in times like these I’m definitely needing it more and more.
Happy birthday we have a lot of Libras. I'm the 15th. My mother, wife and one daughter are also Libras. I had several important Libra women in my past. I never figured that out except I like Libras. It's more than that though.
I was thinking about how all this is a re enactment. It's all tied together. Not just with me, its generational. I'm always trying to start over or go off in a new direction lol. I always end up at the same place. I have more awareness though and it's not really the same place exactly.
I feel like I'm not quite as prone to shooting myself in the foot as I used to be. It's subtle though.
Thank you very much, you are officially the first person to wish me a happy birthday :)
Libra’s are definitely cool, perhaps a lil too sensitive and absolutely love focused but hey, we all have our flaws!
When you say you go to start over, do you ever take action to do this? Because I think that’s my problem. I have this whole idea of how I want my life to look like but I’m too terrified to step into the unknown to make any moves in that direction. What if it ends up being worse than it is here?!