seemed more distant in his communication with me
Honestly for me, for a long time with my PTSD just someone messaging me asking "How are you doing?" was an anxiety. It still is to come extent. Because... how do I explain this... when you are having a bad day. So entrenched in yourself and your trauma when your deepest wish is to just forget it all a phone call or a text saying "what did you do today?" made me freeze. And it brought me back to exactly what I'd been trying to forget or what I'd been battling all day. Those simple questions could and can still shut me down. And I began to avoid people. Because it's a social norm to say "Hey what's up? What are you up to?". You expect it. And it throws your mind into a tizzy.
I'm more apt to respond to silly things like "You wouldn't believe what I saw today!" Or simple stories about their day. If they shared with me first. With no pressure on me to answer specific questions I was/am generally more open to share.
He's also been working a lot of long hours/overtime and he says he enjoys it.
Anything that can help you forget is glorious. If it gives you a sense of purpose and pride as well as keeps you actively busy so that you can't think or focus on anything but the job? That's downright heavenly. It's a way to cope.
Seems like it would be bothersome to have your emotions go "away", but I know PTSD is different. Also, what's up with saying "not yet" a lot? Is that a PTSD thing?
I used to be numb. For about 7 years I lived in and out of a hospital. My life was in constant question since I was 15. Feelings had no place in that environment. They were inconsequential. I had to figure out how to keep going. I had things I needed to do to stay alive. I needed to undergo procedures that made me black out from the pain or stress of it all. And they were repeated over and over again. It was necessary. And even though it hurt so bad that it sent my body into shock I did it. Mechanically I did it. Because that's what needed to be done. And if I needed to dissociate to cope with the pain then so be it. Personal feelings only got in the way. You do what has to be done. If a doctor said this is a life and death situation... well it's not question then is it? Do it.
For me my emotions showed up out of no where this past spring right after I turned 22 whne my health finally leveled off to manageable (not a life or death situation anymore). It was horrible. I was not ready for it. For me I could feel maybe one or two feelings per day before. But mostly things didn't affect me in the slightest. If someone was really happy or excited about something? My reply would be "Oh ... that's nice." And I'd carry on because it meant nothing to me. Then I found myself feeling all in one day that I could be happy, sad, mad, annoyed, angry, weepy, giggly and eveything else and then some. It was terriffying. I didn't know you could feel that much. It was overwhelming. It still is.
Evidently it's taken me about 7 years to get out of shock. Now I'm dealing with denial.
But my point ( I have one I promise) sometimes now that I do have feelings and emotions I have days where I am "away" after a particularly bad trigger or if I'm just that stressed out. That's my conditioned response. I don't yell. I don't cry. I just go quiet. Shut down emotionally and seperate myself from people and stimulii until I can find a place to decompress. Sometimes I do this knowingly and other times I'm completely oblivious that I'm doing it. That's how I keep myself safe. That's how I keep myself sane.
Also that "Not yet" thing sounds hopeful to me as well. As if he's longing for the day it happens but not sure how to get to that point or if he doesn't think he deserves it yet.
