Can I Still Have A Normal Relationship In Future?

[jmni]

In my opinion YES if you work on yourself and NO if you don't. You've clarified that you confidently believe men are rapists, pedophiles, and abusers. So at this point you basically think that they're monsters which is irrational. Once you believe that a fear is reality and you project that onto people instead of seeing them for what they really are, you have a psychosis. Clearly you can't have a real relationship with a man if this is what you believe. Imagine what would happen if you tried to fall in love with a man thinking something like to this and what would happen if you broke up. In reality it would probably be much worse than anything that you could imagine. Also this is clearly just a defense mechanism in a way. Many people who have been abused are very afraid of being rejected and develop weird mindsets to shield them from rejection to avoid the life shattering turmoil of losing love.

But if you work on yourself and overcome this irrational thinking, then YES. So I would say work on yourself first and not even worry about it until you've changed your outlook. Once you come to terms with this unhealthy thinking your childhood will not be a potential problem anymore.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree, yes it is possible only if you work through your issues first. There are so many good people out in the world and there was a time when I saw people as only abusers and victims. There are good people out there. It just takes healing and recovery first, your part.

As you begin to work on yourself, it is a very agonizing process. It takes such a long time to deal with the aftermath of what you have suffered.

Everyone had such good things to say. And you are not alone. We are here for you to support you through the process. So many people here have gotten me through such rough times and their support means so much to me.

Take heart and be strong. You have survived and you have a lot of bad beliefs you got along the way in your life and these illusions need to be confronted. In the beginning, I had so many illusions and they were all lies.

I wish you the best. Do not give up on yourself. You are a good person who deserves much good an happiness.

 

[greenleaf]

I agree with @gizmo's wonderful post.

For me it took a long time to develop a fair amount of trust of trustworthy men due to many early years around a male abuser. Getting to know some really decent, kind men as friends in a college living situation was very helpful, looking back on it. I did a ton of work trying to figure out how and why they were different from, for instance, my abusive brother. I think good intimate relationships might have a lot of overlap with good friendships in many cases, so perhaps you could learn to feel safer with men in a non-physical relationship somehow?

I was very lucky to have the chance to get to know those very great guys and many since. I also have actively worked to place myself in situations where I get to be around good people... empathic, kind... those things seem to really help counter the abuse issues for me in interactions. Trust is an ongoing journey still with layers like an onion, 30 years later, but working on relationships with such men (friendships, more than physical relationships; still having more trouble and/or bad luck with the latter) has added so much richness to my life, it is amazingly worthwhile. I have been more fortunate all along with female friends, though I still had a lot of work to do with being aware of various emotions and such, so I could share on deeper levels that many people just seem to have operated on all along.

Another issue for me: I'm now discovering how much stuff is bound up in perpetually tight muscles I never noticed, which might be some of that "reptile brain" "freeze" stuff... so it's no wonder I have had more issues with physical relationships and lots remains still to be dealt with...it feels connected but still vague. Emotional awarenesses are tied in to that some. Everyone is always at least slightly different but hopefully you can find some commonalities with various people here.