Can Others See It?

[Carla Martin]

Do you guys ever worry if anyone can see what is happening? I was at a wedding once and I had a flashback. When I came out of it I saw a lady grab her son off the dace floor and give me a really nasty look. Later that day I asked my husband about it and he said I was staring at him for a really long time....I didn't even know I was doing that I honestly didn't even see him all I as seeing was the flash back.(this was before I knew what PTSD was). Also I know my daughter sees it too because she asks me "mom why do you space out like that, you never answer me".....I don't even hear her. I worry sometimes that people can hear me too because sometimes when I have flash backs I kinda talk to myself not knowing I do it and when I come out of it I always wonder if anyone could hear me! So far no one has said anything to me but I worry about it a lot. I have been working on grounding skills but it is really hard and I can't seem to get myself to stop. One time I had a flashback and I crashed my car!!!! Its like I'm in another world.

The skills that I have been working on is to count things in the room all of the same color. I do like this but I don't do it until after I have the flash back because I cant seem to understand how to do it before...or during... I thought the point was to help prevent them....

I feel like I have so many triggers that I don't even know what they are. Then other times I feel like I don't have any triggers and I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and suck it up, that I can't change the past and don't let it bother me. I just wished it worked that way because I would love to forget the past and for many years I tried too and didn't deal with anything. I acted like it never bothered me. I think that is why I have so many flashbacks. I have them daily at this point.

 

[safenow]

Carla, you bring up a really good point.

Part of the problem is, you don't know you are triggered. You have no clue why you go into these "flashbacks". Am I correct?

Now, about your grounding style. The one you are using is good, but not good for a flashback. It is good for a "trigger". A "flashback" comes when you have multiple triggers open. A flashback is sight, sound, smell, taste, touch all at the same time. You are quite literally back in time to a specific event.

Until you learn how to ground each type of trigger, you will continue to have flashbacks often. Once you learn how to ground each type of trigger, they will be less frequent, and finally about 98% non existent.

It takes time to get to that point.

I so hate it when I have a flashback in public. Bad stuff happens when people try to "help" that don't know what is going on. When I see someone that is obviously having a flashback, I ask them "Where are you?" If they can answer me, I can tell exactly how badly they were triggered. If they cannot answer, I change the sounds around them, and I do it quickly. That usually brings them back quick. If it is someone I know is former military, I do these things from a distance. LOL. I help, but I'm not foolish about how I help.

Carla, print out that flashback protocol I gave you and have your daughter read it with you before you need it. All she has to do is read those questions to you and keep asking you the questions until you can answer them. That will bring you back very quickly.

Good luck.

 

[Carla Martin]

Thank you! That is a good idea to go over it with my daughter. Her name is Emily.

Yes you are right I do not know all the triggers but I do know some times it a smell. But for example I do not know about the wedding when I flashed back. It could be anything I guess. I don't even react in a physical way (as far a violence). Sometimes I cry and shake but that's about it. I just black out I guess. I asked my therapist if PTSD was progressive. For example I use to have nightmares and I never had a flashback but now I don't have any nightmares and have flashbacks...I felt like my mind was making me remember so i could deal with by giving me nightmares. So when I didn't take care of what i need too my mind kinda switched and gave me flashbacks..Kinda like reminding me in a worse way so I take care of it. I'm probably not making any sense hahaha but I worried that It would get worse if I didn't take care of it and my therapist said it doesn't get worse or get better it just take different forms.......So does that mean I will have it forever? lol I guess I just need to keep working at the grounding skills!

 

[safenow]

my therapist said it doesn't get worse or get better it just take different forms.......So does that mean I will have it forever?

I hope your therapist didn't say it in that way. Because it does get better. While PTSD is one of those things that is always with you, you can learn how to control things. It takes work, and being constant, but when you apply what you learn, it is better and controllable.

For myself, I rarely have problems any longer. When I do, things are back full force until I can get it together. I went for twelve years with no problem. Then, had an event that triggered me major (family member contacted me regarding a certain person coming to where I was living). I fell apart for a long while as that person knew certain triggers and once activated I needed help in shutting them down. All part of cult training from my youth. Being very sensitive to everything. For the most part could still function most of the time, but it took very little to get me to a point where I couldn't function.

Anyway, once that settled down, I went about six years with no problem. My own fault that things went bad again. I was very verbal in stopping a bad mayor and put myself in jeopardy again. LOL. I tend to do that sort of thing from time to time. When it comes to protecting the innocent I tend to put myself in danger. But that is just who I am. I doubt you will do the things I've done. I also doubt there will be those who would try to do to you what has been done to me. Thank goodness.

Anyway, I regress. The point I am trying to make is this: You will not have to suffer forever. You will not have to have such horrible flashbacks and nightmares forever. You will learn how to spot your triggers before they become multiple triggers and shut them down. You will learn what your boundaries are and how to stay within them. Its a case of trial and error.

Getting off my soap box now. Give your daughter a big hug from granny safenow. lol.

 

[Ayasha]

You know, I have had many problems with getting triggered at random times and I can very well relate to what you have described, Carla.

Once my therapist asked me where I go when I dissociate and I told her I don't "go" anywhere. It's like my mind shuts down and I see things but sometimes I don't see anything at all. I am just full of terror and I don't know what to do. My sister says that when I get into them too far she can call out my name, nicknames, etc and nothing gets my attention. Once a different friend made a loud noise and it set me off further (I say this as a warning, I don't advise testing to see if that "snaps you out of it"). I am not aware of anything when I dissociate, I just shut down.

One thing I have found that helps me greatly: strive to find your triggers. I don't mean expose yourself to them, I mean to wait until after the effects of the flashback have worn off and then try to figure out exactly what may have caused the flashback. This is not an easy thing to do and I advise you talk to your therapist first before trying it on your own so you have grounding techniques to keep the flashbacks at bay.

And here's for some hope, because we all need it: PTSD is pervasive, meaning it doesn't go away once it develops. That's a terrible truth that has taken me a long time to understand. I cried and I wouldn't accept that the disorder would never go away. Here is the thing: it is manageable and the symptoms WILL improve over time. A nice thing for me to keep in mind is that it can be a lot like asthma-- asthma can be dangerous to your health unless carefully managed and monitored. I have asthma and when I keep it under control by avoiding triggers and taking medication, it is as if I don't have asthma at all. I can run and spend time with my friends outside but the key is keeping it managed. We keep our PTSD managed by doing what our therapists suggest and monitored by actually going into therapy from time to time.

I really hope this helps. I promise, this will get better with time and work. :hug: