Supporter Can Ptsd Cause Infidelity?

[shimmerz]

that he sees this weak person with no pride

Nope, didn't say that nor allude to it.

never feels as if I am a doormat

Don't recall saying doormat. Nor alluding to it.

I am very dependent

Think you mean independent - I am sure that you are.

giving up now is very weak on my part

You aren't giving up - that is obvious, I think what people are trying to say (although I can only speak for myself) is that through his actions you have articulated that he is not helping you keep this together.

him knowing that he has PTSD

Your question was, does the PTSD make you cheat. I am providing input regarding that question. Listen, I have been around the block more than once. I can share my own life experiences and it is up to you how you process this. I can only go by your description of his actions. I have been with men like you are describing. I have banged my head against that cement wall.

Take it or leave it but do not attack me and accuse me of calling you things that I did not. Who called you insane? Why are you justifying your sanity?

 

[kizzy-love]

@haltija Thanks for the feedback. There are no motives behind our marriage. Military benefits don’t mean anything to me. He’s a reservist and no longer makes that kind money for it to be financially beneficial. He works 2 jobs to take care of the family (by choice) as I have a great job on my own. He wanted a family more then I did, I was recently divorced and had no plans on re-marrying. We met by faith and therefore it felt right, and still does. Nothing about my marriage feels wrong, sexting is degrading and I feel very betrayed but that will be where I draw the line. whether I will forgive the same act again is unknown bc I have a very short fuse for BS. My goal from this is to understand the disease better, to lean about triggers, to succeed in finding ways to get him to accept help...if it all FAILS and he the act repeats again its easier for me to walk away bc i know I gave it my all!! I simply cant succeed in saving my marriage and supporting him to get well if I don’t know the ins and outs, and ups and downs!!

 

[shimmerz]

bc i know I gave it my all!!

I completely get this. I was called a masochist when I went to therapy prior to splitting with my children's father many years ago. Why? Because I really wanted it to work - for everyone's sake. I stayed until I had nothing left in me bc I tried so hard. Be careful to monitor your own energy stores during this process. It is quite easy to get lost to ourselves because we are so invested in another's actions and decisions.

 

[Queen Boudica]

You've been married less than a year and he is already doing all of this. It is pure bull-shit what he has been telling you. Wake up. This guy is on his way to adultery if he hasn't already. The guy is playing mental games with you and no you are not aware of them you are excusing his behaviour because he has PTSD and he is using it.

 

[kizzy-love]

@shimmerz no need to get offended my response was to several posts not just yours, maybe i shouldn’t have tagged you. Either way i chose to be here, my "subject" question was the topic i was searching for when i came across this site, however talking to different ppl with different scenarios does change my outlook and perspective on things. I’m not here to argue or judge anyone's feelings or opinions in the contrary im trying to have a better understanding and idea of what’s in store for me, I’m not looking for someone to tell me that i need to leave my husband bc he’s full of ish that’s for me to decide. If you cant support that and nit pick on my choice of words then maybe this site is not for me!!!

 

[Queen Boudica]

No-one said anything about leaving him. They said get real and realise when you are being fed a whole load of shit and being manipulated. Up to you whether you are willing to put yourself through that true. But don't pretend this has anything to do with PTSD or that you are helping him by falling for the shit because you aren't. Nothing you described of his behaviour has anything to do with PTSD so trying to understand PTSD you ought to now get that.

 

[shimmerz]

that i need to leave my husband bc he’s full of ish that’s for me to decide

That is very true. On the opposite end, you asked for opinions on your situation and that is what you got. It works both ways. You need to be able to take it and give it here. Use what you need and leave the rest alone.

One thing that might help when posting here is that you are posting with a bunch of people who have PTSD and they get pi**ed off when others who have PTSD or the supporters of those who have PTSD use it as a catch all for poor and immoral behaviour. You see, it is a direct reflection of us and regardless of the hardships we might face we are offended by those who do bad things and use PTSD as an excuse.

It is important to hear what feedback you are getting here in relation to your question. No, PTSD is not a cause for betraying those that you love. Nor do most of us respect those that refuse to get help and chose to hurt others because of that choice. We all work very hard at not hurting others and resent the perception of those that use PTSD as an excuse. Don`t focus on what makes you angry in this posting. Focus on what those in the know are answering regarding the question that you asked.

Also, I am not offended. I think you started the offended posting.

 

[kizzy-love]

@Lizio There are times when we have to accept the consequences that comes with the actions we choose to take. In other words I knew when we got together that he has never been in a committed relationship, I knew that he knew nothing about maintaining a relationship, I knew that the majority of his adult life he kept women on standby, just as well as I knew he had PTSD and I accepted that for what it was and chose to marry him. Now, with being said did it bite me in the ***?! yes it seems that way! Could it be worked through? resolved with help and support? yes Its possible! and is it a gamble?! I would have to say yes definitely!! We all take chances at some point in time during life. I personally just don’t think life is worth living if we don’t take some risks on someone sometime in our life time...do you?!

 

[Queen Boudica]

It takes 2 to work through. Your h is doing nothing to work through anything he is just using a whole load of emotional manipulation.

Tell me about it I took chances over and over and fell for the bull of an abusive man and I am paying that price and so are my kids. WRong person to site taking risks about. Come back in a few years when you have learnt that lesson.

He is making no attempt to work through, you are just looking at making excuses. As I said wake up.

Life is much better when you have respect for yourself and don't put up with abusive men

And gambling is a fools game with odds like you described.

 

[kizzy-love]

@shimmerz no I’m not offended, i believe that us (humans) tend to rule others situations and judge very quickly based on personal experiences before we know all ins and outs. Just like hospitals, you have a fever and a sore throat its no big deal they easily rule it out as a cold and send you on your way...right?! do you have any idea how many ppl die due to lack of care and diagnosis and the constant comparing without taking initiative to dig deeper?! it takes a special human being to care enough about a person and truly come as close to they possibly can to the point where the live it, smell it, breath it. I don’t condone cheating, i don’t believe that his actions were 100% due to PTSD. What i do believe is that PTSD did not help him make a positive choice when it all came down to it. He knew it was wrong, but all he cared about was to get relief for a split second and feel good about himself, and obviously didn’t think for a second that this will cause more harm then good in the long run!! he’s actions are actions a normal healthy person could do in the same form and fashion the only difference is, normal ppl remember it all. I dont think he does, he didnt tell me he doesnt, i just have this weird feeling that it was all a blur...but hey i could be wrong!!

 

[Queen Boudica]

You have this weird feeling it was a blur what crap you are trying to put some fantasy explanation of ptsd as blurring behaviour that is bad. Yes you really need education about ptsd. You are desperately trying to excuse his behaviour and make up ptsd symptoms

 

[shimmerz]

adult life he kept women on standby

that he has never been in a committed relationship,

I knew that he knew nothing about maintaining a relationship,

I am pretty certain if you look up PTSD symptoms none of these will appear in the list. I will let you figure out what list these qualities are distinct to.

I knew he had PTSD and I accepted that for what it was and chose to marry him

You don't know what PTSD is as is apparent not only by your question but also by your refusal to take in the answers to your question from people who live with PTSD every day quite intimately.

resolved with help and support

And you will be the magic fairy who 'gets him to see the error of his ways?' What makes you different and more talented than the women he has cycled through all of his adult life. Were they stupid? Didn't love him enough? Couldn't reason with him like you do? In order to take in help and support one must feel like they need it and are willing to accept it.

Anyways, good luck with that. Millions of women have gone before you and failed but I get it. You are special-er. He needs therapy and if you continue to rationalize it as something it isn't - so do you and so will your children in the future.