Relationship Can This Be Saved? Trust Has Been Broken.

[Hojay]

Yes, absolutely. There is definitely a hope that a conversation (closure) will open the door to rectify the situation. Most of the time, when people want something, though, they'll go and get it. When it comes to PTSD, however, the situation is a little more complicated because their personalities are so different when they are symptomatic as to when they're asymptomatic...which leaves a glimmer of hope they'll come around.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Yes spot on Hojay, because you learn so much is down to the condition, and when you get moments of clarity you see the old them peeking through, it leaves you in this circular cycle of "maybe one day they'll be back", it's like a revolving door, you're in and out and in and out.

I am trying to accept that whatever will be, will be, if she recovers and comes to talk about it then ok, if not, well, ok too. That way I am hoping that I can recover myself and be happy in my own skin, if nothing ever gets resolved then I'll have accepted that, if it does, I can see who I feel at the time rather than trying to pray for the day to come over and over when in reality it may never and may not for some time.

 

[Mytime]

There has been a lot of back and forth in this conversation and it's so amazing to see the support.
I would like to answer your first questions at the start of your post.

Yes I have been where you have and was in the process of separating. My hubby and I went to counselling so we could learn to communicate and parent in a healthy manner for our kids. I didn't think we could be supportive for our kids if he was going to let his hatred and anger towards me control the out come.
We are still together. We're still in counselling and working hard to get our marriage back to where we want it to be. It's hard work tearing the walls down on both sides. It's very hard, building the trust back. Trust is a funny thing. It takes time and devotion to build, but be lost in a matter of seconds. He did realize, he always loved me but PTSD made him numb.
Sorry to hear your hurting, sending hugs :hug:

 

[Mytime]

Closure, for me has many different roads.
1). The closure of two people trying to make it work but no matter how hard they tried, Their differences put up a road block. The love is there, it just not working. Knowledging your own mistakes, owning your own behaviour, respecting the courage each other has for facings the truth,
ect.

2) The closure of the Ego. Blaming yourself, why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that. If this didn't happen, I wouldn't have behaved the way I did.
You made me feel this way, so I behaved this way,ect.

3) The closure of blame. If you didn't say this or acted this way we would still be together. You were the one that didn't try. I tried everything to make us work but you just didn't care as much as me,ect.

I myself have pick the last 2 in my younger years. I've been with my SO for over 20 years. But my Ego, has put stress in my life and relationship.

So I'm hoping the closure your looking for is the healthy one. Because the others only hurt.

 

[Dannyuk78]

After nearly two years with my love, where he has always been hopeful, trying and doing everything he cou...

as a sufferer i can only appologise on what we put you through.

My wife put up with my moods and outbursts for years before it all came to a head a year ago. I have never cheated on her but i used to escape through social media and sexting with people we knew and didnt know just so that it would all build and i would feel her pain. to say i hate myself for it is an understatement but it lead to me being diagnosed.

she is my rock and my safe place and it has taken some building and there is still a long way to go but communication is the key. Now i know this can be hard as a sufferer but if you can find a way to find that middle ground then i hope you will find yourself and the relationship that you seem to care about.

 

[Sheila_a]

After nearly two years with my love, where he has always been hopeful, trying and doing everything he cou...

I understand and agree with most the replies to this topic. But I want to point out the other part you have also addressed: standing up for yourself. I've been in a relationship with a man who accused me for all of his negative feelings, triggers, flashbacks and hurt me in other ways, and in this case it can be called abuse. Though I don't doubt he felt pain and was suffering, I needed to realize it doesn't help him. nor me, if I learned to further endure the pain he caused me... It's a difficult one. A good advice I like to refer to, to keep me on track was, to learn to give to myself, what I would like to experience in a relationship. When I can do that, I will attract and/or be able to create positive relationships. Because, as the saying goes, we are treated not the way we wish to be, but the way we covertly think, derserve to be. I found out by digging deep, it was true for me. It might be a whole different story in your case, but there ARE abusive people around, and they can cause bad damage. Wishing you all the best and sending warm regards.https://www.myptsd.com/help/about-myptsd/