Can Trauma Be Complicated By Home Situation

[Faye_Valentine]

Redfox,
You don't give yourself enough credit. You're letting your fathers shadow overcast you, even today. Break free from that shadow and step into your own light and your own path. You're NOT "messed up" and you CAN and WILL get over the problems you're facing now. You will, because you have to.

I'm not going to sit here and dance around the issues at hand. Your father is still controlling your life today, even if you don't want to admit it or haven't realized it. He is because you're letting him. Don't keep ignoring what's happening. Don't keep trying to block out everything to do with your father. Running away from the pain is only a temporary escape. If you truly want to be free you have to face all of it.

Be strong like I know you are! It takes courage, even if you don't think it does, to talk about everything that has happened.

If you want to really work towards getting over your anger problems, your frustrations, your PTSD, then you're going to have to toughen up a bit! You have to really want it. Push yourself to make sure you're going to your therapy, and damnit, stop beating yourself up! You're done with that part of your life. DONE.

It IS going to be a hard path, and the stress and the anger IS going to get brought back up and it IS going to make you upset all over again, but if you can prove to yourself that you can get through it and get over it, then you're there. You're done. You're over it. That's your first step and your first challenge in this. If you really want to be better, which I think you do, then face it all. Face the truth.

I'll say it again, YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE CAPABLE. BUT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO GET OVER YOUR FEARS AND PAIN?

There's nothing wrong with crying. Even as a 24 year old man. It shows that you have emotions, and we all do. It's a good step in the right direction. Next time you wake up from one of your dreams like this, write it down to the best of your recollection. I can interpret dreams, so feel free to send it to me, but mainly I think it'll help you see what your subconscious mind is focused on and what you NEED to focus on.

Once you face the fears in your dreams, you'll sleep better, the nightmares will slowly ebb away and you will be one step closer to facing all of the rest of your fears.

You can do it. Together, we all can.

 

[seedling]

redfox, funny you should say about dealing with it on your own. I've come to realize that that's what I've been trying to do all my life. Just deal with it quietly on my own, don't bother anyone, just take care of it and no one needs to notice there was ever a problem.

It's actually harder to deal with it with the help of others. I have to reach out and tell my problems, trust someone, get close to people. You are doing so great to hammer away at this. To keep replying to all of us and make the connections.

And I'll give three cheers for Faye's post -- Go For It, You Can Do It. We're here to cheer you on. Time to get out of the cage with the vicious dog and say See Ya'!!!!!

 

[redfox]

Yes I know I do need to toughen up... that's my whole problem... lol

I am not sure what you mean about my father controlling my life though because I really don't talk to him hardly ever. And I know I am talking a lot about him in this thread but in my every day life, except recently, I don't think about him much at all. So I am not sure how he controls my life.

Thanks for the support though guys, I really do appreciate it.

 

[redfox]

Well I have my therapy appointment this afternoon and I made a list of some of the things mentioned in this thread that I guess would be helpful to talk about. I would still rather talk about these things than the trauma so that works for me. Now let's just hope I keep it together this time.

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Yes I know I do need to toughen up... that's my whole problem... lol

I am not sure what you mean about my father controlling my life though because I really don't talk to him hardly ever. And I know I am talking a lot about him in this thread but in my every day life, except recently, I don't think about him much at all. So I am not sure how he controls my life.

Thanks for the support though guys, I really do appreciate it.

If you're having nightmares about him, and he's added to your PTSD, and it seems like you compare a lot of things to the way he brought you up, then it sounds to me like he's controlling your life.

I'm just saying, you seem like a strong, smart, and capable human being and I believe you have it in you to do what you need to do with all of your troubles. I have confidence in you.

Sorry if my posts are a bit hard to understand. I have difficulty saying what I mean to, sometimes.

Either way, I sincerely wish you the best of luck and I think you're on the right path to where you need to go.
You have friends here and I'm sure any one of us are willing to hear you out, if you ever need it.
:)

 

[redfox]

Well my therapist said basically the same thing about him controlling me. But I just don't know if that is true. I control my own life and I have since I was 17 and I don't let anybody control it for me, especially not my father. But I guess he is on my mind a lot. But why would I let him control me when I tried my hardest all my childhood to get out from his control.

 

[Cheshire]

The members who have brought up the issue of control don't mean it in a physical sense, as in he tells you what to do and where to go, they mean it as in the issues you have in relation to PTSD and the fact that you're having nightmares about him, things like that, those things can take over your life, and be controlling.

 

[redfox]

I did talk to her some about the event that happened when I was 15, which I am not trying to be cryptic about I just don't know that the details will do anyone any good, and I'm not trying to complain about things. But I guess that's what bothers me the most about all that because that's when he kicked me out of the house and I guess basically gave up on me. He said a lot of things about me then that I still think about like how he tried his best and I still came out a failure and how I was an awful person and how there wasn't any hope for me etc etc etc. He broke my nose and two of my ribs. My nose was bleeding all over the place and I couldn't get it to stop and I was bleeding all over the kitchen and I felt really bad because I knew my sister would have to clean it up. And my brothers and sister (my other sister was moved out by that time) were in the living room and kept peeking in but my father told them not to go near me. Eventually my sister did though after he went upstairs and I'm still glad she did that. I had really thought he was going to kill me. At one point I ws on the ground and he put his foot on my throat and I couldn't breathe, I really thought he would kill me, but of course he didn't, I guess he just wanted to put the fear of God in me.. or the fear of himself anyway. After that is when I cried and he sure let me know how he felt about that. Called me a coward, told me to be a man, etc. But I couldn't help myself. Anyway I didn't mean to write this big post about stuff that doesn't matter except to me but I just been thinking about it a lot I guess and that's the thing about my father that kind of gets me still.

 

[redfox]

The members who have brought up the issue of control don't mean it in a physical sense, as in he tells you what to do and where to go, they mean it as in the issues you have in relation to PTSD and the fact that you're having nightmares about him, things like that, those things can take over your life, and be controlling.

Sorry Cheshire I didn't see your post before I made my last one. I know my PTSD has been controlling me more than I would like. But my dad is not responsible for my PTSD, that's something else entirely.

 

[Cheshire]

But my dad is not responsible for my PTSD, that's something else entirely.

I disagree, but as I've stated it before, I won't do it again in great detail.

I will say that there's no rule saying that there's only one traumatic event per person as far as PTSD goes. There's no rule saying it's one specific event at all, it can be a number of things, over a period of time. It can be lots of small things culminating into one big thing, or culminating into nothing at all, but still having their effect.

I just think it's unhelpful for you to flat out deny that anything else might have contributed to your PTSD without exploring it properly first. I'm not trying to diminish the event that happened at 15 in any way, but I do think the best way for a person to help themself and let their therapists/doctors/etc help them is to work on ALL things that may be affecting them mentally, not just focusing on one.

Oops, I went into great detail. I'm really not fit to be posting today, sorry.

In short: take care of yourself, and I really do hope you find clarity and peace for yourself.

 

[redfox]

I guess I don't understand PTSD that well but I thought it had to come from one event or from something traumatic that is repeated over time like sexual abuse or something. The reason I got diagnosed with it is an accident that happened when I was 10 that I have had nightmares, flashbacks, etc about. Anyway I don't want to argue about it or anything I just don't see what my dad has to do with that. Am I f*cked up because of various things in my childhood including things my father did, well yes, I think anyone can see that. But I don't see what he has to do with the accident that caused my PTSD.

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Hello again Redfox,
Glad to see you're still posting.

Now, for a moment PTSD stands for "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder'". The things your father did to you were traumatic and stressful, they happened in the past, .. don't you think they MIGHT have a weigh on the disorder you have, today?

I'm just saying, the same as Cheshire. There can, and often are, multiple events that cause PTSD in people. Sometimes, it's just one major event that brings it out or affects you the most. There may, and probably are, underlying causes to your PTSD.

Just keep it in mind.

Best of luck,
M.