Can we talk about isolation?

[Nicky31]

Hi ccurry
yes I'm with everyone here who says it's normal, I do need to just be alone, it feels safe, I don't have to pretend and put a mask on, or process info when my brain can't handle it. It's also about me regrouping, sometimes giving myself a hardtime... but I'm also like Lionheart... I can't stand to be alone and equally yearn to be held often. It's a security thing, about love, trust and grounding.

Please take heart that your partner won't be doing this to hurt you, it's about coping. Do reach out to them though and offer that hand to hold, cup of tea, hug. It can be the very basic, simple things that can bring us back from the shadows.

 

[GodSeeker]

Can you imagine somebody with PTSD? Suffering every day from stress due to hypervigilance, inner chatting, negative thinking. Not taking any drug to ease the suffering simply because he is convinced that meds only do cover symptoms and really do no solve anything. May be he chose to suffer from the problem as it is and be pushed hard by it so he could take the real actions. As long as there is pain soemething has to be done about it, pain calls for taking actions. Actions that heal. Because pain indicate that something is wrong and should be adressed. This man lives in a foreign country for years. Not having seen family for all that time. Thats hard, very hard. Having lost friends because of the difficulty he has got to open to others, to be confident, not letting anyone coming too close to him. Living alone in a city. Managing everything himself: working as a math teacher (preparing people to take GMAT exam) during more than 4 years, dispensing classes at his home and living up from that job. While in class he is the teacher and thats the mask he wear for that matter. I could go on but I think that that is enough. That man Its me.
The truth is I am facing this problem alone with no support at all. And completely isolated emotionnally.
Some years ago when I worked in an office, some colleagues told me that I could nt connect with them emotionnally, after years of working together.
Its just not easy to switch off PTSD like you switch off TV. Its difficult to let other people come close so they could know me. Fearing they could discover me secret maybe? To me people I dont know are a emotionnal threat and (I think) very few have real understanding (not pitty) so they could listen and be generous. My story is a story of physical abuse while a child. That is a goddamn lesson and you learn it very well. I mean you learn to untrust people exactly the same way the majority of people learn to trust each other.
So isolation you say? Well I know something about it

 

[CCurry]

Please take heart that your partner won't be doing this to hurt you, it's about coping. Do reach out to them though and offer that hand to hold, cup of tea, hug. It can be the very basic, simple things that can bring us back from the shadows.

Well away from my computer most of the day and I've missed so much action here with my post. Thank you everyone for your responses and I'm starting to realize now that isolation and/or withdrawing are his way of coping and I have to respect that.

Nicky glad to hear you are feeling a bit better and thank you for those tips which is what I do automatically for him.

We celebrated on the weekend my dad's 70th bday and the first time since his flare up he came to a family get together . We stayed for almost 3 hours and in the beginning he was great, social, interactive and then somewhere around the 2.5 hour mark he disengaged and without him saying anything I just told everyone we had to leave.

There is no way 2 weeks ago he would have been able to do that, is he stable yet, no not yet according to his therapist but he is stabilizing.

Godseeker, clearly you are in immense emotional pain and I wish you peace and someone to support you.

CC

 

[Nicky31]

CC it sounds like the social gathering was a big challenge for your partner but he coped well, as well as he could. I'm really pleased he was able to share this time with you. I can find events like that overwhelming now - takes some serious mental prep, a year ago it was a walk in the park. Maybe if you have things to do over the festive period, set a time limit and perhaps leave together after an hour and a half. That way you can just reaffirm success? I don't know how that sounds to you?

Great work though! You are clearly understanding and supportive and doing the right things. Progress is being made. You've spotted it yourself. It's just slow and sometimes suffers setbacks.
:Hug_emoticon:
Thanks for my well wishes too. I'm still doing all of this from my bed on my iPhone lol:crazy:
x

 

[jo74]

I, also, prefer to isolate. I feel safer that way.
jo

 

[Grama-Herc]

Some one mentioned physical contact. I can not recall how long it has been since I have felt the touch of another person. A hug???????What I wouldn't give for one.

This is the one thing about isolation that I think is the seriously negative part. Lack of human contact/touch is unhealthy.

To receive a hug would be the best gift I could ever receive. To just be held until I could get my fill----OH! It would be heaven

 

[CCurry]

Hi Grama,

Wish you were in front of me, I'd give you a big hug!!!!

:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Pam]

I hear ya. If there is one thing that causes me stress more than any other, it is being without close skin to skin contact with another human being. I am just like a baby when it comes to this kind of contact. It feels like I will shrivel up and die without it. Hugging a pet keeps me going between Vitamin H:Hug_emoticon:!

 

[pandora]

Now that is why I carry my dog around everywhere and I love it!!! I have my son but he has special needs, does not show emotions very well and my mother is not emotional..at this time the dog is filling that lonely void.

 

[Grama-Herc]

If not for my 2 cats, I don't know what I would do. While they are not capble of giving me the "human" touch feeling, they do satisfy that tactile need that we as humans have

 

[Grainne]

Hey Pandora..your post brought tears to my eyes. So hard, sometimes, when your child (who you want to protect and love beyond reason) doesn't want that contact with you. I spent years just dying to cuddle my boy, to have a kiss on a boo boo make him stop crying. The very first time he reached out for me (he was desperately sick with pneumonia) I burst into tears. :hugs:

Sorry...off topic!! :)

I also feel the need to isolate...like the bulk of posters in this thread, and can totally identify with that complex feeling of wanting to be touched and being repelled by the thought at the same time that some spoke of. I was not touched (in nice ways) much as a child so I do crave it...but at the same time, it was a very very bad thing to show emotion around other people, which I am much more prone to do if I am experiencing some kind of close physical contact with someone - so I've created this confusing sort of stasis.

Please hug me...omg don't touch me!!!! No wait...

 

[CCurry]

I can totally understand that concept of wanting to be hugged yet not wanting to be touched if the source of your ptsd is from any trauma of a sexual nature. I don't think my bf falls in that category though as he wants to be hugged alot, his trauma is combat related so a bit different in that way.

The withdrawal/isolation is where he can relate to all of you.