Can't access rage safely unless i'm drunk

[Chava]

Agree this makes no sense. I think I meant access rage without wanting to shred myself up. But how is mouthwash better? Right? I've drank mouthwash many times through the years (not so much astringent or cooking wine). I know it's horrible, but I have low standards. I'll drink anything in your bathroom if I've got the urge.

I'm at a workshop this week...the structure will help me because I'm so all over the map I can't even make good decisions. Then I'm doubling my meetings. Have planned to meet with sponsor on my way back from workshop.

My therapist will help me with the rage in therapy but notes we don't even need to right now. Keep everything manageable.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm at a workshop this week...the structure will help me because I'm so all over the map I can't even make good decisions. Then I'm doubling my meetings. Have planned to meet with sponsor on my way back from workshop.

You're doing good. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier, but you are doing good things for yourself.

 

[Chava]

You're doing good.

Thanks. I've freaked myself out. It's the feeling like my center is completely scattered and I can make a bad decision based out of some displaced center. If it continued, I'd end up hospitalized because that's where it goes. But I'm trying to reel myself back in. Busy days at workshop is helpful. I can't process 12-step stuff at the moment or "higher power" but will get to more meetings this summer to also reel myself in, remind myself of where I don't want to go, keep connected to other humans a little better (summers are hard for me and I was hoping it would be easier this year but feel like I'm actually starting to have more feelings, which is completely chaotic sometimes).

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Chava, this sounds really hard and I'm sorry that you are going through it. I totally understand how summer and lack of structure can be hard - I feel like I am going through a similar thing now. Sending positive thoughts your direction.

 

[Chava]

Thank you @theshadowoftheliving :hug:. Hang in there okay?

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Doing my best, @Chava, doing my best. It's hard sometimes, as you know....

 

[Chava]

Yes. aarrrg. pretty gnarly

 

[Lionheart]

I have experience with alcohol addiction and in dealing with rage/anger and what I found to be true for me is, that I had to get the rage down to "bite-sized" anger so that I could manage it a little at time.

While drinking did allow me to access the rage, it spilled out in uncontrollable and destructive ways that only made my problems worse than they were before.

Once we can get down to feeling anger we have a better chance of managing it so that the rage slowly dissipates. Sometimes that means writing it out or talking it out with a support person. I am not a fan of anything that teaches a person to hit when they are angry as violence is not a viable solution for me.

Please get the alcohol use under control and then you can learn some good anger management techniques.


Wishing you the best of luck,
Lion