Can't Cry In Therapy

[allitherapy]

I'm glad I am finally able to cry at all. I agree, Anthony, that it's just as beneficial for a release to cry after as it would be during the session. For me it would be helpful to cry during so I could express some of the sadness and work through those feelings with my therapist. Hopefully I'll figure something out in my next session. Thanks all for the insight!

 

[anthony]

I agree that that is one issue with therapy... professional boundaries! Whilst I understand they are required, they also become a hindrance in other areas, ie. such as what you describe.

 

[seedling]

I would like a hand to hold when I cry in therapy. I cried last week after not crying for a few months and pushing it down, feeling afraid to cry. The human touch helps me feel safe. I feel like my T is miles away. If I thought he would hold my hand when I held it out I would cry more.

I haven't gotten the nerve to ask him to hold my hand but the last few weeks I'm trusting him more and seeing the ways that he does express his sincerity and caring. This has helped break down the barrier. I think this helped me cry last week and not hold it in.

After I cried he mentioned it when he asked me a question about what I was feeling. The way he mentioned it was in a distant or third-person sort of way. I think he was trying to not put too much emphasis on it but it gave me the "bug on a plate" feeling. He was right there with me, so I felt like saying "don't sound like you weren't there." I think I'll tell him about this this week because I'm sure he was just trying not to embarrass me.

I like to cry in session when it comes up because there are almost always words that come with it that give great insight - he is there to hear them right then when it happens. If I cry later (which I often do) the words are there too but I'm on to something else by the next week. I don't cry for very long or very loudly and it's not something that I feel I couldn't stop if I needed to. Sometimes if I try not to cry I know there are things I can't say, so they don't get said.

One of my biggest feelings is that I need to feel my T is doing this with me, that I am not facing this alone. Touch would greatly help but feeling more trust in my T has gotten me part of the way there.

Many types of professionals touch their patients and know how to keep their boundaries.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I don't know about that. When I was in college I had a counselor that would hold my hand when I cried. It was very comforting. He was like the father I never had. I found it VERY healing. To have a male that was safe to be vulnerable with and know that I could trust that I wouldn't be hurt.

And I've seen other counselors offer their hand during groups when patients have been melting down. Lord knows I've been in enough of'em:rolleyes:.

I guess every counselor is different. If the one that I'm seeing now tried to touch me I think I'd freak. It's not that kind of relationship.

Huh...I guess I hadn't considered that. I'm just such a paranoid type...hard to think differently. :>

 

[KP the nut]

I don't know about that. When I was in college I had a counselor that would hold my hand when I cried. It was very comforting. He was like the father I never had. I found it VERY healing. To have a male that was safe to be vulnerable with and know that I could trust that I wouldn't be hurt.

I think it comes down to what is comfortable for both you and your T. In my last session, I was upset and shaking badly. T wanted to try something different, if I was comfortable with it and he explained it would involve him sitting quite close to me and touching my hands.

I was fine with that and so pleased I did as it helped enormously

 

[Heather]

When I was in College my counselor would give me a hug at the end of our sessions. So, I was already comfortable with him touching me and knew that he was someone that was safe and who I could trust.

So, when things got really bad I was ok with him holding my hand because I knew he was someone that I could trust. That trust had already been established.

Like I said before it was a very healing relationship. I'm a better person for having had him in my life.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I havent cried in therapy...all for the wrong reasons. When I started therapy I couldn't cry at all (sober) because I would see my mom's face crying back at me or angry. But I said to myself (and my therapist) that I would never cry in therapy because my mom used to force me to cry with her when she was sad...I guess it is a weird transference thing.

But I can cry now on my own and it is starting to be a problem because I will stop talking when I think I might cry or I wont bring up things that I feel I might cry over. I think it is something worth trying to move on from. Therapist has been very respectful of my desire not to cry in therapy and has never pressed me when I am having trouble. But I have teared up...so progress.

 

[Heather]

After I cried he mentioned it when he asked me a question about what I was feeling. He was right there with me, so I felt like saying "don't sound like you weren't there." I think I'll tell him about this .

One of my biggest feelings is that I need to feel my T is doing this with me, that I am not facing this alone. .

Seedling - Just curious I know this was awhile ago but did you ever discuss these issues with your therapist? Always wondered but forgot to ask you.

Heather

 

[Sqweak]

I cry sometimes, most of the time I try to hold it in until i'm alone. for me it's just embarrassing I don't like people to see me cry and I don't like using tissues for whatever reason. Mostly I don't cry in therapy because I'm really anxious and I have the tendency to count time. If I can't find the time to cry then I don't.

You're not alone, i think the more comfortable you become the more likely you are to just let go. I can see the appeal to crying in therapy. sometimes it;s just nice to be in the presence of someone else instead of being in so much pain by yourself.

 

[seedling]

Heather, I don't think I ended up talking to him about this specific thing but I have told him other things that "bothered" me - things that he said. Usually I would find out that it was my own perspective and his actual meaning was something different.

Most of the time I feel like there is too much to talk about in the time during a session so I hit on the main things or what's bothering me the most. If the week has gone by and something doesn't feel that important anymore I let it go. If it keeps happening I bring it up.

I've discussed with him that it seems harder to cry now, like the feelings are tougher and carry more pain (?) so I hold back. Haven't figured this one out.

 

[KP the nut]

I could have bawled like a baby in last weeks session. The tears were streaming down my face, I couldn't stop them, I wanted to cry all the hurt out loudly but I couldn't let myself go.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

My T started to cry in todays session...had to excuse herself from the session for a min or so. Then came back and apologised and said that she just found it really difficult to listen to what I was saying about my situation at home. It hit me for six, I had no idea how to respond.

The last thing I want to do is upset other people.:(