Can't Handle Friends Anymore. So Disassociated I Barely Know What Year It Is.

[Rebel Girl]

Every time I hurt their feels or embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable I feel awful and every time I'm left to feel unimportant I feel worse. I just find the guilt and shame that comes with every attempt to spend time with people too much. I feel so numb. Disabled Facebook. No point anymore. It's just become somewhere to vent and come off as an asshole in front of people that know me.

 

[Ronin]

You're making steps for self protection / getting to a space that's more comfortable, kudos to you. I'm sorry your friends aren't the kind of friends one can depend on, and I'm sorry you're hurting because of reactions you've received, though I hope you find other people you're more compatible with.
You're definitely not an asshole, some times some modes of communication are just easily misinterpreted and people'll claim what they want to see. That's not on you, or reflective of you at all.

 

[Changing4Best]

I've lost friends sue to my temper sometimes, but then I have regained the friendship after an apology. I just aid that I was having a bad day and sorry for being so angry (or for whatever I did). I also keep my distance from such "friends" as I think that maybe they are not the best persons to be my friends, if they cannot understand that my temper isn't me.

I found some other friends and try to exit stage left if I feel some anger coming on. I know sometimes that my anger is not very much about someone else, but really about my own past.

 

[Go Hungry]

First things first... Don't panic. Just try and cool off for right now...

Second.. I'm careful about my friends too. There are some that I know are cool to hear what is really going on beyond "hey how you doing; yeah everything is fine"... But I try not to lean on them too heavily. I'm a recovering co-dependent and can very easily slip into needy behaviour.

As for Facebook, I never post personal things there. It's all just re-posts of cute things and uplifting stuff, science articles and the occasional (okay, frequent) political meme. I use other sites like Google+, tumblr or here to speak of troubles... places where I can go by an alias.

Hope this helps...

 

[Rebel Girl]

I have and do put my friends before me when I have thought they needed. I've made sacrifices without being asked to when I thought they were justified. These people can't fart out some basic human empathy, even the one who told me I saved her life. All people care about is that you don't have any needs as long as you see to theirs. I believed that compassion mattered and was a complete sucker for it. I've been used by almost everyone I've cared about. It takes a lot to accept how cut throat and lacking in compassion human society is from where we tell ourselves it is. Then again I imagine it's a lie that's hard to maintain if you're not part of the white middle class. I wouldn't know.