Can't Keep A Job Because Of My Adhd

[Ronin]

I used to go through jobs fairly quickly, in doing so figured out what I can and cannot tolerate.

And this. Learned to just count with it, unless I'm conscripted to something that's either counted for for years & in my interests, or hard to leave for other reasons, it's just a spiral of quick get in, quick get out. Good for circling interests & social circles though, and a stimulating change.

 

[candor]

60 years of ADHD. I couldn't keep any student jobs (like waitressing) but did very well in school and got a masters in software engineering. I work and play best with calm quiet and nerdy types. I was always told that I would not succeed and that I would never get to keep a job....I did succeed...so I did get fired a lot but I was actually pretty good so.... I always found a new one and made tons of money before I had to give up jobs with deadlines in the end.

Focus on simple things like exercise and diet and keep your stress levels low. Its stressful to have ADHD so you must just accept that you wont be able to remember stuff and you will have heavier challenges. I went through what you described and today I really stopped caring or thinking about things I cant control such as whether I will be liked or fired. I enjoy my ADHD cause it comes with many many gifts if you are willing to focus on them. When I am not stressed and when I own my mistakes and come with solutions rather than excuses, I get what I need at work. I forgot to go to work on saturday as I had promised but I hope to still have a job on Monday because of a lot of good will I have built up. Yes its hard with those scary scenarios. Keep humming and singing away your fears. At work I smile a lot when i am not humming.....Its hard to hate a smiling fool...just saying :-)

 

[candor]

Monday update: Boss: "I assume you have a very good explanation for not showing up. I have made a new schedule for Febuary and I want you to hang it on your fridge. This must not happen ever again." Me: "I take this very seriously. I am taking all the steps I can to prevent this from happening again."

He is a great boss and I think it would hurt him as much as it would hurt me to let me go. I own my mistake of not putting the schedule in my google calendar that sends me texts and emails. I keep the communication at a minimum cause my actions in the future is all that counts in a case like this. I was so tempted to beat myself up as I have done so many times in the past but self punishment just adds to my stress and makes me weaker not stronger. I try at all costs to not "super focus" on my ADHD cause normal people go through the same as we do. They too fail to " live up to expectations". But we get to practice those failures a lot more cause we forget and loose stuff and piss people off in unimaginable ways all the time. With old age, some of us get to be experts at coping cause we have made so many mistakes that we actually learn to accept ourselves for the error prone humans we are. We even get to be better at avoiding a lot of issues that older people without ADHD struggle with like memory loss as they age. That is due to the practice we get and the maturity we all get with eperience. Sometimes it feels like I can cope better simply cause my expectations are lower and I just focus on me and what I can do better. My boss will have to do his job and I will do mine. Focus on being the best you that you can be and embrace your ADHD.

 

[candor]

You asked about relationship issues. Whether you are normal, have PTSD or ADHD, relationships will eventually cause more stress than you can handle. I get to keep my close friends. I have never been able to keep a sexual boy-girl relationship going longer than 5 years. I am always in at least one or more relationships. Personally, by the age of 25 I asked the doc to make it impossible to have kids. That was a very realistic decision as I change partners often, am career focused and could not have dealt with the worries that accompany parenthood. The last ten years (to avoid any stress), I avoid labels period. Apparently, it is easy for me to attract and harder for me to keep men. So rather than choose someone for years at a time, I choose them on a day-by-day basis. I value respect higher than love. By doing this, I have managed to keep them for years. I am pretty forgiving and keep my expectations low. I don't do heartaches, drama or breakups. It make absolutely no sense to me at all. If someone is in the mood for a fight, I send them home until they are feeling better. Its all about doing things we enjoy together that reduces stress. I don't do the chasing or calling as I have tons of activities I cherish. I remember another ADHD'er once tell me "Ha, so we aren't good with relationships??? I always thought of it as we are not easily manipulated nor do we put up with a lot of bullshit ..... but what do I know."