Can't Make Friends

[iwannadeletethis]

Can't figure out why. Is being too nice a thing? My past experiences make me a little rough.. But you'd think SOMEONE out there would be my friend. Am I paranoid and reading people wrong? I don't get itttt.

 

[Jolly roger]

Consider me a volunteer!. I joined today as a supporter. Since we both joined today, why not.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Hurray!! Sounds good:)

 

[Jolly roger]

Still trying to figure out Private Messaging. I'm a supporter, not a sufferer, although, I'm not sure sometimes that supporters aren't suffering too. If you get PMing figured out before me feel free. It might be good for each of us to have the other's point of view, enabling us to understand the other side of the equiation a little better. Look forward to hearing from you.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

I have no idea yet either!! I'll let you know if I figure it out.

 

[Friday]

I've moved dozens of times. Every 6-24 months for over 25 years, and a few dozen more times in short-travel. Each time I would need to make all new friends. Even short stops (I know I'm only going to be somewhere for a few weeks to a few months), if I'm in the mood, I'll often start friendships.

There's a bit of an art to making friends, and several different kinds of friendships (not just depth, but type, as well).

I've made hundreds of friends over the years, known thousands of people. In all that time? I've been approached by others 4 times (excluding being hit on). They kind of stand out. Most people? Simply don't go around making friends. It sort of fascinates me, because if I didn't actively seek people out? I'd always be alone. But from what I've seen it appears most people sort of acquire friends, gradually, by accident. They're around the same group of people for awhile and I guess it just sort of happens? Shrug.

The point of this being... Is that even though I deliberately go out and make friends? Even though it's something I'm long practiced at? Some moves? There simply isn't anyone around I'm interested in being friends with OR there simply isn't time.

Luck & Timing is the foundation for a whole helluva lot of life!

I could be absolutely "made" for someone & vice versa... But if either of us simply doesn't have the time at present? Ain't gonna happen.

Add in PTSD? Pfft. Changes the whole ball game. These days, I don't truly consider anyone a friend until I've ignored the f*ck out of them for several months to a couple years :rolleyes: First I have to make friends with someone (which is a time consuming process to begin with). Then I have to isolate & totally neglect the friendship for awhile. That cuts out about 90-95% of people. Those that are left standing? I'll probably have in & out of my life for a good long while. In & out, most typically, because people who are okay with my coming & going? Usually come & go themselves. They've got busy jobs, or travel a ton, or their own issues.

Where are you running into problems with friends? What kinds of friendships are you looking for?

 

[Friday]

@Skitzii & @Jolly roger

To private message someone...

- Click on their avatar. The info box that pops up includes "start a conversation" right smack dab in the middle of if. Click on that, and it will take you to the appropriate window, with their username already filled out.

-or-

- On the upper right hand side of your screen, there is a mailbox/envelope icon. Click on that, and then manually enter the username.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Hey :) thanks for taking the time to tell me all that!! I typically look for female friends (because guys just never want to be my friend and I'm not into all that underlying garbage). But im not into what the celebrities are doing.. I'm a minimalist.. I'm an introvert.. With PTSD.. I'm intimidating as hell.. So all I get from women that I think want to hang out or be friends are promises of hanging out that they never have time for. I don't like big groups or partying. I'm always that weirdo that won't put their back to the door quietly observing the room with my one or two drinks so I can function. That's helpless right? Should I find a new angle?

 

[Jolly roger]

Looks like you were responding to Fridayjones. Hope to hear from you but completely understand if you prefer femaile friends. JR

 

[iwannadeletethis]

For sure!!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think in general its harder to make friends as an adult. I can chat up a storm online but in person? Well, my demeanor doesn't exactly scream "BE MY FRIEND!" if you know what I mean. That is, I'm not the most social person, I can be a bit stand-off-ish, and socializing in person kicks in my symptoms. Its horrible to be in a social setting and only stick around for a few minutes because you feel anxiety kicking in. Not that I run away, but you probably KWIM when I say that there are certain things which indicate that the anxiety is bad, so its best to remove yourself from the situation instead of causing a scene. And even with old friends, they just don't seem to get it, they just don't seem to be willing to accommodate my needs.....which aren't demanding in the least. I'm talking about things like not giving me alone time when I need it when on vacation.....ya, they expected me to hang out with them 24/7 and threw a fit when I needed some down time. Its like C'MON people, be a little understanding!?!? And the introvert has a lot more to overcome, too.....

 

[iwannadeletethis]

hm.. Yeah .. My boyfriend was just telling me the same about how it's hard to make friends as an adult. As an introvert I definitely do come off as a bitch.. Just because I'll be shut down or whatever!! Thanks @itsKismet !!