Can't Stop Seeing Them In My Dreams... (memories)

[J_trustno1]

Okay, so I'm seeing them (abusers) in my dreams too. We are having similar type of arguments in dreams and similar type of bitterness in both ends. I am having that hate and rage towards their toxic statements against me in my dreams. My mum is giving them more attention and spending more time with them over me. They are still superior over me in dreams.

Why the hell is all this repeating over and over again in my dreams? Why am I still that same child who had rage and hate but wasn't allowed to have a say? I don't understand why they are in my mind and dreams 24/7.

Thanks for reading.

 

[anthony]

You say 24/7, so are you talking about dreams, as in sleep dreams, or are you talking about memories, which are not dreams?

 

[J_trustno1]

What I meant was that, they are there in my memories during day time while I am awake and they are in my dreams while I am asleep. So they are pretty much in my head be it sleep or while I am awake.

 

[anthony]

If something is near constantly within your memories, then something is still a major problem.

What I took from your post, based on things you've said recently here, is that you basically can't understand your mother siding with abusers and basically, allowing you to be abused.

 

[J_trustno1]

I've talked about it to my T and psychiatrist. They think it's mostly situational stress I am experiencing and change in environment will be more beneficial. I mean I haven't even seen them for a week but they still treat me like crap in my dreams. I am still going through this justifying myself in my dreams like I have always done. I'm kinda one woman army. My mother thinks that I should stop talking about them and stop thinking about them, she tells me that we cannot change them but ourselves. My T has said the same. I have started applying for jobs out of this city.

 

[anthony]

My mother thinks that I should stop talking about them and stop thinking about them, she tells me that we cannot change them but ourselves. My T has said the same.

Both are accurate, to a degree... though how does that change the issue with your mother?

 

[anthony]

You can't just forget, you have to process and accept, understand, come to your own terms with it. Someone telling you to stop thinking about the past doesn't change anything... because it is you who has to come to that acceptance... and you reach that with processing your thinking about it.

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony : Yes, you are very right. I totally believe that I am in a very negative environment and I need to leave this house asap (once i find the job out of here) to process things. I don't like my mother's behavior and her rushing things and trying to control me even when I am almost 27! On top of that I still see my brother being considered superior over me and male dominance does Piss me off. My brother and mother think that I cannot live own my own and it is a matter of me standing up for myself and fly away from this bullshit. It is pissing me off and I cannot just forget the shit i have been through.