Can't Understand Why I Always Go Wrong

[Phil1983]

Hi I'm completly new to this forum. Reposted as I think I put it in the wrong forum to start with...

I was violently attacked in 2008 by 2 men who were once friends of mine. The attack left me with major injuries and still on-going injuries. At the time I was a successful working man, had a relationship, house and car, things most people at my age would of dreamt of having but after the incident it led me to loose everything within 6 months of the ordeal.

Since then I have been through treatment and thought I had my thinking under control but I have realised that I haven't and I can't seem to get certain areas in control mainly holding relationships.

I met a a girl in 2009 and she become a big part of my life, she listened to me and helped me after every treatment session to understand my aims. In 2010 we decided to enter a relationship and now the problem is i always seem to get something in me that will make me argue over the slightest thing and threatening to leave.

I love the girl with all my heart and have recently been planning on proposing to her but this "something" hit me and we argued but instead of thinking, I walked away and now realised I messed up completly as she will now avoid me after a week of me walking away.

If any one can give me advice on why I might be struggling in this area and way s to go about my brain control, I would really appreciate it. I think its as she is the 1st person I have trusted since the attack, it has opened up new thinking which I never re opened before.

 

[ronin47]

This might me of "get her before she gets me." Your attack came from two people you knew and trusted. Beneath the trust, care, and affection you have for this girl, your subconscious brain may still be telling you "Watch out!" It is a primal instinct that effected me in some very subtle yet very destructive ways. I had a way of getting highly irritated at those closest to me for absurd things like them humming along to a song. I didn't really realize what was going on until a dear friend of mine noticed a series of cuts I had deliberately made on my leg. She repeatedly asked to get a closer look at it but I covered it up and repeatedly said no. After that, though only for a short time, a reservoir of resentment and repulsion toward her welled up inside me. I felt angry at her for no real reason. It was then that I realized why the closer I got to someone the more little things about them bothered and upset me. It was my minds way of pushing them back. It was an internal instinct telling me, "They're getting too close! Quick! Find an even minutely rational reason to dislike them so the conscious mind will want to avoid them!" The subconscious mind does not think in terms of all the complexities of love, relationships, trustworthiness, and big future plans. It thinks in terms of, "Danger! Fight! Run! Attack! Survive!"

I wish I could offer you a specific formula for getting rid of this. For me, it didn't go away until after I had undergone months of real therapy. I began noticing how much more a peace with the world I was and how I was finally able to let those little things just roll off my back much more. I don't know if there was anything in particular that caused the change. I guess my best suggestion would be to discuss it in detail with your T and continue to work hard in therapy.

 

[Phil1983]

Hi
Thank you for your reply. After a lot of research into PTSD and the events that led to mine, I completly agree with what you are saying. I don't get annoyed with people easily as I've learnt that everyone has differences and problems but I can't seem to connect with people who I should ie family, friends and loved ones.

It confuses me as when we were together I would be the happiest person in the world and nothing could get me down, I would always listen if she had problems etc and do my best to help her through them but I get confused, annoyed and angry with myself the minute I don't know how to deal with the thoughts and feelings especially as I was planning on proposing to the girl very soon but I wanted to prove my love by asking her close family for their permission. This led me to distancing myself and going in a very quiet state of mind and pushing things away even the everyday things that would we always do together. She picked up on this and mentioned how quiet I had been with her and her family recently but instead of me saying why, I got defensive and ended up saying all the wrong things, 2 hours after that I managed to tell her all the things I should of been saying but have realised now that she doesn't want to listen and doesn't understand that something that happened 4 yrs ago is still effecting me today.

I am hoping I can prove that I can get round these issues as I do love the girl and regret that I cant fully open up easily and help her understand me, I realised where and what went wrong and made a call to my doctor who I am hoping can take me back in for therapy under self referal very soon as this isn't fair on myself or the people I love