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Cathy's Mental Imagery

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Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //
l.i guess it's just the color and texture because it's clay. i don't like the slippery , muddy feeling. my feet are getting coated by the wet clay.
2.texture is very slimey, like wet clay.
3.it's solid enough, the top layer is just wet. very even-which is unual for a clay road. usually haave gravels on them, but none here, looks like it has just been scraped. large ditches on both sides, it looks odd, because there is nothing growing in the ditch. looks kind of like its made out of playdough or something.
i assume the road is my life, solid, but a little slippery.it really bothers me that i'm barefoot, although i did and still do go barefoot a lot.
4.the bridge is just a way across something. it is scarey, though. a nice, wooden bridge that didn't swing and sway would have been better. the rope is rough and my feet are getting scratched by it. i am afraid that the rope will break, but it didn't. relief to be on the other side.
5. water is choppy, going a lot of different directions like rapids. it is shallow, but it's a darker color, but not murky or muddy. lots of whitecaps, you can tell that there are a lot of rocks on the bottom.
6.the boulders are large, but they are not jagged, sharp, jagged rocks sticking out of the water here and there, but they are much smaller. no brush in the banks, more rocks. looks like the water level is dropped a little, and what is on the sides used to be in the water. i am glad there is a way over the water, but it is also scarey, but it holds up. feel very tense there, but relief on the other side. i want to stay and watch the water. i guess it's somehting to get over or across, there is a way, but its unsure??? haven't got a clue why i stand there looking after i'm across, maybe i'm just tired?
8.color--white, at one time, anyway. .
9.condition--disrepair, peeling paint, shutters hanging off,weeds all grown up in the yard, and right up against the house. small picket fence is fallling down, and tangled in weeds. if this is support? i have no idea what , if anything, the weeds are. sadness, curiosity of the family that must have lived there. if there wwere children, old people or young? what happened to make them leave it.
10.empty and sad.
11.the cup, yellow, faded. funny that it is more "modern" than anything else around. looks like a tupperware tumbler.
12. condition, oops, see above. whole, but you wouldn't want to ever use it again, you could never get the dirt out of all the scratches on it.
13. it is empty, doesn't look like it had anything in it when it was left there.
i don't know what it means. don't have any bad feelings there.
14.old, looks like a 50's model of some kind. green and white paint visable some places, but covered with rust, some places rusted out. the inside has been exposed to the weather, and it is filthy and falling apart too, windows missing or broken. no tires. it seems that someone moved it there, probably already a junker, to stand in for a gate that was missing.
15. it's like everything past the fence and the car are brush and trees.forest.
it's pretty, and it seems calm in the rain, it looks like there's a path, but it's grown up some, and you can't see where it goes. i think, if i was wearing shoes, i might have wanted to give it a try. but it's too brushy for bare feet. i am so disappointed, and wet, and muddy, it's just awful. not sure what to do from here. confusion maybe?
 
You are highly emotional about feeling unappreciated in life, feeling like is quite difficult to navigate, most likely due to an undesirable sexual situation. You are markedly inhibited towards sexual relationships from past deception that has caused you great pain. You have approached intimacy quickly, often believing you’re not in too deep, though you are aware of these problems and the stagnation that exists. Your naivety is beginning to diminish in regards to your past support systems not being present for you, though you struggle to come to terms with this, and as a result, show a very poor self esteem. You are committed towards your partner and things you love most doing in life. You are naïve to believe returning to an earlier time within your life will repair the deception and lies you have endured. Whilst you feel suicide is an option, the actual problems before you are that of your own beliefs that your life was headed in a healthy direction, to only find you feel guilt or shame about your choices made, possibly reflective upon your feeling of worthlessness from past victimization. You possibly feel drained and exhausted from the lack of support within your life, and the deception of past sexual relationships. You see a healthy future ahead of you, and must merely fight these past demons to become part of it.
 
Possible questions you may ask yourself:

* Am I being honest with myself about the past impact sexual relationships have on my current relationships?

* Why do I feel guilty about making the wrong choices in lifes direction?

* If my past support has been poor, and this feeling surrounds me, then is trying to change my past support or bring my past poor support into my present healthy?

* Am I being honest with those in my past about how I feel about them?

Cathy, I would compare your answers from a week ago, and look for those connections you have made and see what you have, and have not come to terms with, what is, and is not the priority for me to heal, and where do I need to speakup and whom must I be honest with by telling them my true feelings. It is easy to ignore those we have negative emotions, though to speakup and be honest with them, lifts the burden of negativity from ourselves, thus cleansing ourselves off such emotions. Another way of saying it, better out than in. But out, must be to those it matters and effects most.
 
i feel like i'm honest with myself, i just can't change it. i don't know about wrong choices, heck too many of those to count. not exactly sure what that is. i know the past is the past, i can't change it, don't want to bring it to the present, it just kind of came up and slapped me. can't tell them how i feel about them, afraid my mother would have another heart attack, daddy would prob take it out on her, and grandad is dead.
ok, on another note, i think i recognize the car that was the obstacle, but i can't figure the significance, except it would be my past. it looks like the car we had when i was around 6 or 7. my daddy was proud of that car, he took pictures of it, lol. i can remember seeing it, don't remember anything about the inside, or riding in it, too long ago, but i know i did. it certainly never looked like it did in the road there. the disappointment must be in myself for letting all this stuff bother me after so long. i don't know???
 
ok, tried to edit, but it didn't work--had to log in again, and lost what i changed. now i can't edit, so i'll add it here. just was saying that i know i need to be more open with my husband, so he can be more supportive, but i feel really guilty to add to his stress. still trying to be a good girl on every level, i guess, feel like if i could have been "good" enough those things would not have happened, but can never really be good enough. i realize that i was not honest with my mother about forgiving her, but i thought i did at the time, and i want to, and i will, somehow, when i can. working on it.
 
Cathy, your now finding all very relevant and important points that are sitting within your mind and causing your problems. I would even print your responses out and give them to your therapist, so they can see exactly what you have written here, to discuss in detail with you.

Cathy, before that car, there is another obstacle, what is it and please describe it?
 
ok, i posted this once--or wrote it, and forgot to post. sigh.
I can't think of another obstacle that was there when i posted that. the only thing i can think of is a hill (road goes over) and the road being slippery, my footing is hard to keep, a difficult climb, maybe not an obstacle. it was so near the beginning i wouldn't think of it as such.
 
There is a significant problem of feeling depreciated Cathy, one which you are aware off. You feel unworthy of something, what is it?
 
ok, i don't know. for some reason, i am shaking here, but i don't know. depreciated means unworthy? i feel unworthy of a lot of stuff.
unworthy of Christ's redemption of my sin.
unworthy of my husband's love, of my children, of my friends, my home, my life.i just don't know exactly what you mean.stupid and weak, ugly and lazy,selfish, deserve to die
 
tthere was nothing there the first time, i don't think. if i try to imagine now, i looked around and saw a large gash cut into the road, kind of like a piece of cake is cut out, a chunk of the road is cut out. i can't see into it, i think i'm afrraid to go to the edge, because of the slipperiness. i wouldn't figure it would be too deep, though. i wonder how i got across it, it's got to be 5 or 6 ft. across, and the ditches on the side of the road are very deep and muddy looking. idon't know, maybe i jumped across, though i'm not much of a long-jumper, that's for sure. who knows?
 
Ok Cathy, you feel as though you have fallen into a situation that is surrounded by secrecy, possibly feeling you have lose of control, or someone else is taking control. You are aware the situation has deep sexual involvement, likely with feeling depreciated.
 
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