Cause of dissociative fugue

[SpaceCadet456]

Hello, my intention here is to ask for advice or insight regarding a bizarre and sudden state of dissociative amnesia I experienced several years ago. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD and understand that I can't be diagnosed here, but I thought people with more experience in this area might nevertheless have something valuable to add.

At the time of this incident I was a university student living with my parents. It's hard to recall precisely when or how long this initial event occurred, but I remember being in a state where I had essentially no memory of my entire life history, no knowledge of the world, and no ability to make decisions or even orient myself spatially. Eventually I regained my identity and personality in a fragmented and haphazard manner; I even recall looking at a childhood photo of myself and somehow regaining a part of my memory from that period of my life. I do not recall ever showing signs of physical injury or regaining consciousness in some other location. It is also worth noting that my ability to form new memories was somewhat impaired for much longer than this, and even to this day I still feel like I'm not as present or good at retaining new experiences as I used to be.

The obvious candidates for explanation would be some form of extreme trauma or drug use, however I do not use drugs and cannot recall any specific traumatic event or assault. I'm an otherwise high functioning person, typically intelligent and resilient, so this is all very strange. I can answer any additional questions if necessary.

 

[Weemie]

It could be dissociative fugue which is caused by a number of factors: psychological trauma (by which "I don't remember any trauma in childhood" is unreliable as you've already proven a dissociative fugue response with amnesia), psychosis, bipolar, schizophrenia etc.

However as you mentioned continued anterograde memory loss and orientation to space my advice is to see a neurologist as you may have had a brain injury. Such injuries can occur from stroke, aneurysm, tumor, or head trauma. Sometimes head trauma severe enough to cause TBI will be forgotten by the individual.

Mine was linked back to the action of a client hitting the back of my head off of a headboard until I lost consciousness. I remembered the time I "fell asleep there" and had to make an excuse that I just didn't call my mom that night and didn't want to talk to her (which was not unusual - as you can imagine having RAD in childhood I was not a loving kid).

But I didn't remember the injury or actually losing consciousness or even making the excuses or really much of anything around the event or being able to link it together for a long time. When it first happened my symptoms were quite severe - a CVI that impaired me from even getting around my own apartment.

The adults in my life didn't know what happened because I refused to tell them. They were very concerned I had dropped from a seventh grade level to a second grade level without explanation but diagnosed me with learning disabilities pretty reluctantly (they once commented that they had no idea how I got around or lived my life! At the time I didn't! But it was acquired.)

And with time that healed on its own but if it is TBI you will want some form of neuro rehab ASAP to preserve skills. If it is mental illness then you can address that and treat it, same goes for trauma.

 

[SpaceCadet456]

It could be dissociative fugue which is caused by a number of factors: psychological trauma (by which "I don't remember any trauma in childhood" is unreliable as you've already proven a dissociative fugue response with amnesia), psychosis, bipolar, schizophrenia etc.

However as you mentioned continued anterograde memory loss and orientation to space my advice is to see a neurologist as you may have had a brain injury. Such injuries can occur from stroke, aneurysm, tumor, or head trauma. Sometimes head trauma severe enough to cause TBI will be forgotten by the individual.

Mine was linked back to the action of a client hitting the back of my head off of a headboard until I lost consciousness. I remembered the time I "fell asleep there" and had to make an excuse that I just didn't call my mom that night and didn't want to talk to her (which was not unusual - as you can imagine having RAD in childhood I was not a loving kid).

But I didn't remember the injury or actually losing consciousness or even making the excuses or really much of anything around the event or being able to link it together for a long time. When it first happened my symptoms were quite severe - a CVI that impaired me from even getting around my own apartment.

The adults in my life didn't know what happened because I refused to tell them. They were very concerned I had dropped from a seventh grade level to a second grade level without explanation but diagnosed me with learning disabilities pretty reluctantly (they once commented that they had no idea how I got around or lived my life! At the time I didn't! But it was acquired.)

And with time that healed on its own but if it is TBI you will want some form of neuro rehab ASAP to preserve skills. If it is mental illness then you can address that and treat it, same goes for trauma.

I did have a CT scan at one point and the results were normal. If any psychological trauma occurred it would have been at the time of this initial event, so in adulthood, and not during childhood.

Some of the other symptoms following this initial event seem to indicate trauma, and included hyperarousal, fear, and generalized hostility and distrust. Since then I've felt chronically emotionless and lacking in any kind of will or desire, which is also suggestive of a post-traumatic reaction. And I know this isn't scientific, but my gut feeling is just that something external must have happened.

Anyways, thanks for the response.

 

[Sideways]

hyperarousal, fear, and generalized hostility and distrust.

These may not be symptoms , so much as the natural consequence of having a sudden onset of not knowing who you are, or having any memories.

There are dozens of completely unrelated conditions which can cause memory impairment like you’ve described.

I’d second @Weemie ’s suggestion to pursue a proper diagnosis. Anything offered here would be completely ill-informed speculation from folks who have no appropriate qualifications, or liability to you for giving you crap information.

 

[chontae]

Hello, my intention here is to ask for advice or insight regarding a bizarre and sudden state of dissociative amnesia I experienced several years ago. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD and understand that I can't be diagnosed here, but I thought people with more experience in this area might nevertheless have something valuable to add.

At the time of this incident I was a university student living with my parents. It's hard to recall precisely when or how long this initial event occurred, but I remember being in a state where I had essentially no memory of my entire life history, no knowledge of the world, and no ability to make decisions or even orient myself spatially. Eventually I regained my identity and personality in a fragmented and haphazard manner; I even recall looking at a childhood photo of myself and somehow regaining a part of my memory from that period of my life. I do not recall ever showing signs of physical injury or regaining consciousness in some other location. It is also worth noting that my ability to form new memories was somewhat impaired for much longer than this, and even to this day I still feel like I'm not as present or good at retaining new experiences as I used to be.

The obvious candidates for explanation would be some form of extreme trauma or drug use, however I do not use drugs and cannot recall any specific traumatic event or assault. I'm an otherwise high functioning person, typically intelligent and resilient, so this is all very strange. I can answer any additional questions if necessary.

See a neurologist anyway!!! A CT will only show head trauma. If you had a mini stroke that’s something important to have in your medical history. I agree with everything you’ve mentioned that it IS external. I would guess a brain/neurological or heart/cardiological accident of some kind unrelated to physical or mental trauma. I don’t know how long it’s been know but I recommend explaining symptoms to your doctor and letting them make their notes. It is harder to find clear evidence of a mini stroke (TIA) this much later.
My professional history: I’m an ER admissions specialist at a level 1 trauma center & am a dietetic student

 

[spinningmytires]

I'm note sure I'm understanding your question about dissociative fugue - however, I’ve had a few episodes of dissociative amnesia related to my UFO close encounters yet never any significance change in my location beyond a distance of 100 feet at most. Because I’ve often experienced gaps in my awareness and memories during these UFO experiences it would be difficult for me to know with any certainly. But never have I found myself miles away with no recollection of how I got there.

One unexplainable shift in my location, from one room to another room in my house, had once occurred during a suspected sleep-walk. No drugs were involved. Why I would walk to a window in a different room during the middle of the night, to view the full moon, makes no sense to me. If this had been a dream I was consciously awake when I returned to my bed. So why was I even up? At that time I was age 18 or 19 and beginning to question my reality. This experience has always bothered me.

Perhaps, my CSA amnesia might be similar to my amnesia resulting from my UFO encounters, as neither experience has been acceptable nor understandable to me. My father’s CSA behavior was so frightening and unacceptable that, I suspect, I blocked his abusive behavior from my conscious mind with a persistent relentless amnesia. If my father had been molesting me as a child, I still have no memory of it.

If these UFO experiences were known to be only hallucinations, nightmares or misinterpretations I could have easily dismissed them as such. However, when these objects appear within my real environment just as my ‘bad abusive father’ would appear within my real environment, I suspect, my only option at that point would be to dissociate.

Looking at my episodes of dissociative amnesia from a different angle - I think I might have been trying to make myself ‘invisible’ or ‘unreal’ in my futile attempt at making my abuser equally ‘unreal’ during my dissociation.

If I were able to make everything within my abusive situation seem completely ‘unreal,’ I might then be able to totally dismiss them as being hallucinations, nightmares or misinterpretations or, in other words as amnesia. My amnesia was likely my only defense since, I’ve had absolutely no control over either of them in my past.