Challenges of Honesty and Privacy in Relationships

[Cosmic]

Do either you or your boyfriend have PTSD Cosmic?

I do. I escaped a very mentally/sexually abusive and narcissistic relationship in November of last year. I was determined to stay single. That casual "relationship" that i didn't count as a relationship at all...just a flirty friendship at BEST, helped me get away from that abusive one. That friend actually helped me focus on me...we just ended up flirting and yeah...that might have been bad but it happened and then it ended. Also....that friend was online. Met him on Twitch. Never met him in person. Never had plans to. It was briefly discussed but...no actual plans. Then my boyfriend came along and I felt so happy again. I saw stars again every time I got to see him. All my walls came down and I felt so happy. I thought I was ready. I ended up sharing with him all the shit I went through with my ex. I became vulnerable. I didn't mention my friend much because he didn't enjoy the idea of me having male friends. So I lied, and I know that was wrong. And that lie will live with me for forever.

 

[Movingforward10]

because he didn't enjoy the idea of me having male friends

This is a red flag.

 

[Ecdysis]

To me it sounds like you're getting entangled in a new abusive relationship.

And not cos you lied, but cos he's controlling and punative.

Abuse starts small and then gets bigger and bigger with each layer that's added to it.

 

[Movingforward10]

To me it sounds like you're getting entangled in a new abusive relationship.

And not cos you lied, but cos he's controlling and punative.

Abuse starts small and then gets bigger and bigger with each layer that's added to it.

And uses the confusing tactics of something @cosmic did to base his behaviour on. Turn the tables.
Mind messing.

@cosmic: how did the abuse start in your previous relationship. Was it this emotional situation before violence? It's a common way for it to start.

I don't know the time period between that previous relationship and this one. Or how much work you have done to examine relationships. But might be worth doing that?
We're all on similar journeys here: working out how to advocate for ourselves after trauma. Learning boundaries. Learning healthy things.

Edit to add: I think I saw someone quote that you said he had looked at your phone as he was bored whilst in the hospital with you. For me, that is another red flag. You're in hospital and his feelings is boredom? That seems quite a detached feeling. If my partner was in hospital, my feelings would be: worry, concern, panic, more worry, care, compassion etc etc etc. Not boredom.