Changing Focus

[Sleeping Dragon]

It's been a while sinse my last visit. Things stacked up, and pushed me toward a new place.
My cancer (thanks to Agent Orange) has moved to new locations, and caused more radical treatment. Although it's under control right now, the whole things drove me to some life changing realizations. I want to share them with you.
Post traumatic stress turned me into a control nut who trusted little or nothing. In nearly all situations I depended on myself, and would rather fail on my own than succeed while dependant on others.
I now MUST depend on others, some of whom I don't even know. I can't fight the cancer that will eventually kill me because it's part of me just like my post traumatic stress.
I have no choice but to let go, and accept what I cannot change. And, here's the point my Brothers and Sisters. A huge weight is now off my shoulders as I finally learn to live with all I'm unalbe to control.
I've also admitted how much pain and frustration I caused myself as I battled so many things each day. All the plans I now make are subject to change. I live only in the moment with the intension of making each one as good as it can be.
SD

 

[atilla]

All I can say Brother, is I love you man. Make each day count. Live, love, do something. Be free. "Don't mean nothing, not a thing". You have been a rock to a bunch of us. Thanks Bro for bringing some sunshine to an otherwise dark day. Hang in there you old crusty grunt. You know no plan survives first contact. Live my Brother and fight.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

SD, you hang tough brother! Very simply I had to surrender to WIN (What' Important Next) as well.

Once I got out of my own way and was able to disagree but DO IT anyway (I'm not the medical professional) and it would all go well.

AO has us buy the short hairs SD, the anxiety of the cancer with the PTSD is simply a shit sandwich. There is no good end to start on.

Choices, the only bad one is quitting - everyday I choose to piss in my cancers cornflakes. If the Beast gets spattered - so be it, it should get the f*ck out of the way!

All the plans I now make are subject to change.

Absolutely, the only way to go way to go! We're all in Gods hands, you want to make him laugh tell him YOUR plan.

A huge weight is now off my shoulders as I finally learn to live with all I'm unable to control.

I know the feeling SD....

Ba

 

[Spock]

...a huge weight is now off my shoulders as I finally learn to live with all I'm unable to control.
I've also admitted how much pain and frustration I caused myself as I battled so many things each day...
SD

In time all things find their place friend. May that weight leave you free now Dragon so you can cherish what is truly important in this time. We finished our mission long ago and now, despite our pain, we can choose to look forward. We came to this forum to share, so now you know the value of the camaraderie here. It holds the truth of a family that knows intimately one of the most chaotic, emotional and dynamic experiences a person could experience in this life: and not just combat -- but of surviving and living with it. I hope peace is a constant companion for you now and that you learn to turn to it and away from the beast that will surely only rob you of valuable time.

Peace SD

 

[Friday]

I got my anger under control once. Although it's sometimes hard to remember, or maybe even believe it was real, sometimes. I have been off the rails with it again these past few years. Worse here, than anywhere else except in private. Mostly cause you lot have no problem laughing at me when I'm being a f*cktard, or telling me to pull my head out & knock that shit off now when I am over the f*cking line, or am just flat out wrong. Or the thwack upside the head with Yo! Fight response. Leash that or vent it.

Grateful beyond words for that.

And this.

The reminder of the other side. It's real. Ain't just some whackadoodle pipe dream. Or something for other people. It's a real place.

Thank you, Dragon.

 

[vikingr24]

"Everything is nought but wind, vapor....Everything is Nothing." -- Jean Paul Sartre

You can have it all, and have nothing. So what does it matter?

Keep pluggin', SD. Know that you will be remembered.