Chat

[Lupo]

Chat can get cliquey. I don't think it's intentional, just what happens when you get a core group of regulars who talk together quite frequently, on and off the forum. There's a common link there. Previous conversations. Prior knowledge of the other people they are talking to. It can be hard for people to break into that, but I also think it can be hard for those regular members to break out of that when they're midconversation with people they are already familiar with.

Dynamics tend to change over time though and at different times of day, so maybe keep trying at different times when different people are in.

Is it that you used to use chat more and this is a recent thing, or that you are new to chat?

 

[Rusamu]

I do not use the chat room for the same reasons other people don't use the chat room.

It is as if people use it as a private chat, instead of a gathering that will ebb and flow, like any gathering, welcoming each person who enters, and including them in the conversation.

What I like best and take away from this thread, is to start a thread like this, to find someone who will talk to me in the chat room, when I need to talk to someone.

 

[Cadun]

Sometimes I think chat is a communication work...

 

[Zuwolo]

Many times I felt I don't exist in chats or can't fit into conversation.

 

[Ema]

Hi,
I hope it wasn't me as I was upset in chat today and I hope I didn't ignore anyone, by mistake. I'm really sorry if it was me.
Sorry :(

 

[Obeko]

The last time I was in chat folks were talking about sexual parts and other stuff that either offended me or I wasn't interested in. I didn't stick around long enough to catch someone like you, @Jome. I would have loved to chat with anyone who was not talking so offensively! I bet you would have been kind to me.

 

[Jome]

I agree that it's cliquey. I really do. I've been a member on this site for quite some time and have never felt involved or included in conversation. I'll say something and hardly anyone will comment about the issue. My username isn't Jome, but rather just a random name on here so people wouldn't think of me differently if this wasn't an anon post

 

[Puji]

I don't

 

[Ecet]

you don't agree that it's cliquey and that's fine. This thread has been my personal opinion, so everyone is more than welcome of course to state theirs

 

[Ugak]

Chat totally is cliquey and it's a bit of a circle jerk. Everyone telling each other how amazing they are or not challenging behaviours or thoughts just petting peoples egos. I don't like it.

That said I've felt ignored in chat quite a few times. Have you done anything to piss off forum members and they might've ignored you (yeah like the button). Or are you maybe bring a bit paranoid?

I tend to reply to a thread that I feel I have some insight in or can help in some way. I'll also reply to something that's not had any replys even if I'm not really sure on what they are speaking about. Although if they are asking something that has been asked and answered 20 times I don't bother.

I'll also very rarely reply to supporters because they can be circle jerkers too. (Mostly new members) do my head in, you can't call yourself a supporter if you're only dating...3 days and you're long distance. They also ask the same thing over and over and over. I think this might have a lot more to do with my issues than supporters. Most of them are great.

 

[Ibagi]

The last time I was in chat folks were talking about sexual parts

I knew this! Sex chat all the time would push away some people. Sorry to hear you were offended by it.

I rarely go in chats. I have noticed sex chat happens so often. I understand how that can be triggered for many women and some men,too. Well, once in a while talk about sexuality is okay, but all the time, don't think so that's okay. I thought people will change their mind and talk about different subject for everyone's good health.

I went away from the forums for one months and when I came back, I saw the sex chat was going on... :rolleyes:

I guess they need to understand some things, there are other things in life, sex is not the center of life.

 

[Rewofu]

The funny thing about forums. Sometimes you can post something that feels to you as well written, with a clear title and an interesting subject matter. Press the post reply button, then after a while...

Nothing... The hell? Do I have bad breath?

Why?

• Could be that it wasn't as clear and concise as you thought.
• Could be timing. You may have written your post at a time that people are away from the forum. Doing life stuff.
• You may be asking a question that is difficult to answer. Or may require a lengthy or delicate response. It's not that everyone is ignoring you, they may just be waiting for a moment when they have time pay proper attention to what and how to phrase their response.
• You may have unknowingly written a post about something that was recently discussed in another thread or subforum. For whatever reason, you just didn't notice it, then wrote a redundant post.
• Maybe you do have bad breath. :p
• Could also be that (I've had this happen to a thread I made) there is a strangely long delay between when you wrote your post, until someone responds to it. (The one I wrote, actually had only one reply for, almost a month. Then out of the blue, suddenly sprang to life. Weird, yeah?)

I don't really go on chat often. It's not that I don't like the people that frequent it. I just find it can be intimidating. Totally my own issue, has nothing to do with the people there. I always worry that I'll say something rude without realizing it. I feel naked without the time to proof read what I write. (even then I still miss typos and grammatical errors. Sometimes whole words.)

I do understand what you mean when you say that chat stops when you say hello. I have had that happen on other chats, from a wide variety of different sites. Could be the clique thing, I could see that happening.

I'm just guessing here, but is it possible that what you are bringing up in chat, is a topic or question, that people may not feel comfortable discussing with someone they don't know very well?

Have you tried making small talk for a while? I know when your upset, shooting the breeze is the last thing anyone wants to do. Though it might help to break the ice, starting with a simple safe and easy conversation to get acquainted with the people in chat. Get a feel for their personalities, as they yours.