alexabroad
New Here
So, I've never been great at sleeping. I often had trouble getting to sleep, always had an over-active mind, and I've been dealing with anxiety for years.
But PTSD made it really hard to relax. (Haha, obvious statement is obvious.) I don't really notice how keyed up I am all the time until I'm in a legitimately stressful situation or I'm just trying to go to sleep. I don't remember the last time I was consistently well rested. If I don't have anything to do, I can stay up until I wear myself out and then sleep a normal amount (at least most of the time), but with my schedule, that only happens for me one day a week on the weekend. Otherwise, I'm running on less sleep than I should be.
And that makes me more prone to anxiety and stress and affects my work a little which creates more anxiety and stress and then I'm so keyed up at night that it's just as hard to get to sleep as it was the night before, even if I'm wayyyyy more tired.
Sometimes I just daydream about having a normal sleep schedule that I can manage properly or a schedule flexible enough to let me sleep enough without it affecting my work schedule. I keep myself from napping or drinking caffeine most days to try to get a better shot at normalizing my sleep at night, but other times I need caffeine just to get through my work day.That's a real shame, because caffeine definitely makes me more prone to anxiety, especially when I'm sleep deprived. I get so tired that I cry because of how badly I want to sleep, but I still can't relax or unwind enough to get here, or I'm almost there and I have a jolt of panic right before I fall asleep completely.
I used to be on klonopin and Xanax and they helped, but they weighed me down so much that it was still hard to get up in the morning, and I built up resistance to the sleepy affects REALLY quickly. I've tried most sleep fixes at this point, and while getting a good bed time routine has helped... it's still so bad that it doesn't seem worth it to even try hard anymore. I feel so defeated about the idea of sleeping enough that it seems pointless to even try in a serious way. I can't be bothered to worry about blue light or taking melatonin. The easy natural fixes have all failed for me so many times in the past.
I'm so jealous of the people I know who can nap whenever they want and get to sleep easily at night. I don't remember what I'm like when I'm well rested a lot of the time. I miss simple things like drinking coffee without thinking about how it's going to affect me in a serious way. It's almost 2 AM here. I have work in the morning, bright and early. I just want to sleep.
But PTSD made it really hard to relax. (Haha, obvious statement is obvious.) I don't really notice how keyed up I am all the time until I'm in a legitimately stressful situation or I'm just trying to go to sleep. I don't remember the last time I was consistently well rested. If I don't have anything to do, I can stay up until I wear myself out and then sleep a normal amount (at least most of the time), but with my schedule, that only happens for me one day a week on the weekend. Otherwise, I'm running on less sleep than I should be.
And that makes me more prone to anxiety and stress and affects my work a little which creates more anxiety and stress and then I'm so keyed up at night that it's just as hard to get to sleep as it was the night before, even if I'm wayyyyy more tired.
Sometimes I just daydream about having a normal sleep schedule that I can manage properly or a schedule flexible enough to let me sleep enough without it affecting my work schedule. I keep myself from napping or drinking caffeine most days to try to get a better shot at normalizing my sleep at night, but other times I need caffeine just to get through my work day.That's a real shame, because caffeine definitely makes me more prone to anxiety, especially when I'm sleep deprived. I get so tired that I cry because of how badly I want to sleep, but I still can't relax or unwind enough to get here, or I'm almost there and I have a jolt of panic right before I fall asleep completely.
I used to be on klonopin and Xanax and they helped, but they weighed me down so much that it was still hard to get up in the morning, and I built up resistance to the sleepy affects REALLY quickly. I've tried most sleep fixes at this point, and while getting a good bed time routine has helped... it's still so bad that it doesn't seem worth it to even try hard anymore. I feel so defeated about the idea of sleeping enough that it seems pointless to even try in a serious way. I can't be bothered to worry about blue light or taking melatonin. The easy natural fixes have all failed for me so many times in the past.
I'm so jealous of the people I know who can nap whenever they want and get to sleep easily at night. I don't remember what I'm like when I'm well rested a lot of the time. I miss simple things like drinking coffee without thinking about how it's going to affect me in a serious way. It's almost 2 AM here. I have work in the morning, bright and early. I just want to sleep.
