Christmas as a trigger

[Deleted member 37474]

I think most people on this site and in the friendly part of our world are well meaning and empathetic. What tends to happen, is people get triggered by part of something someone says, pulls it into their own loop and then reacts in a thread. :facepalm: Happens to all of us. I know a couple that is engaged. Both have ptsd. One of them loves Christmas, the other has horrible memories from it. As their friend, I suggested maybe you can start your own memories and traditions to make Christmas something special as a couple. I guess that could be considered insensitive, but wasn’t intended to be. :( I like this thread and think it is great to have somewhere people can vent and feel supported about their seasonal traumas. I was reading through, so that I could try to be a support and see where some people are coming from. It is hard to see and feel this sadness on a holiday that has great memories and Christian meaning to me. So I will pray for all of you during this time. And if you don’t want or believe in the prayers, that is okay too. They are just happening over here on my end. Think of it as whatever comfort helps you feel safe, protected and whole.:hug:

 

[Muttly]

I am volunteering with a local tent city. It's an organized camp for homeless folks. Most are working. Camping out this way in winter is pretty miserable. Rain, wind, snow... the dry days the temperature is often below freezing at night and barely above in the days. So, they have a christmas list for the residents and I dropped off my contribution. It's not much since I'm broke. I also have gotten the store I work at to commit to giving something (will find out what tonight). And on Christmas day I will be helping with dinner. Hopefully they don't make me actually cook since fires and stuff happen when I cook. lol. These are things about Christmas I like. This makes me happy. Its a reminder, to myself, that I am doing things to make the day feel as good as possible.

On the other side, I am back to having huge problems having people, especially men, stand near me. I can't have people behind me again. The other day I bent down to tie my shoe and had that instant panic, because I'd broken the rules I learned to live by. Dont expose myself to groping hands. So much of the stupid holiday got tainted.

And it's everywhere and so pervasive, so it's easy to create associations even if your trigger isn't truly Christmas. Like my friend shooting himself. That wasn't specifically Christmas but I was just a kid and the lights would come on and Id look out at them and think how he couldn't die at this time of year. Id pray he'd live while looking at the Christmas lights and of course he did die. And then when I found out my grandma died on Christmas day, I went for a long walk outside because that's how I cope and of course I looked at all the Christmas lights on people's homes. Now Christmas lights are all mingled with mourning. And I've worked through it by and large but it's just amazing how the brain connects things and holds onto those connections.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I am volunteering with a local tent city. It's an organized camp for homeless folks.

This is amazing and wonderful.

I actually am supposed to do a volunteer shift in the morning serving meals to homeless people (when I cook, fires don't happen, just shitty food). Even though this is weeks away I am having second thoughts (which makes me feel like a selfish jerk) as I've been super reactive and, like you, having problems with people close to me and large crowds are even more of a struggle. Sigh. And yes, the brain can be relentless with it's associations.

The house across the street just put up an insane amount of Christmas lights, really over the top, which tends not to happen here. I grimace every time I see them and want to write a nasty letter (Ha!).

 

[Rani G2]

To find my own ways to enjoy and such. And maybe if I had kids, I would. As it is, I just wish I could sleep through December.

Same here...

 

[DharmaGirl]

What tends to happen, is people get triggered by part of something someone says, pulls it into their own loop and then reacts in a thread

You are right. I apologize for all the bullshit I spouted about my bullshit if you get my meaning. I was recovering from a breakdown and you know, I was reminded of all those horrid things that happened every Christmas that I thought I had put away. I never talked about them. One year I ripped down all the decorations since my son said he didn't care about getting a tree or decorating. I was doing it for him, even though it was not the kind of thing I would do for myself. I guess I belong here too. I guess maybe I should work on my shit instead of hiding in my house not doing anything.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@DharmaGirl i appreciate the apology but I don't think it's necessary. We are all here doing the best we can.

Also, I have become the ninja master of not leaving the house, so I get what your're saying!

 

[Freemartin]

the ninja master of not leaving the house

Okay, you just cracked me up here!
So, I myself am a ninja master of, say, staring blankly at whatever task I'm supposed to be doing and not doing it... :hilarious:
Or, or, a ninja master of freaking out about any perfectly harmless little sound... or, just flying off the handle just because. :laugh:
:ninja::ninja::ninja:

ETA: I've been in a not-so-good shape for a while now and I just love you guys, you always know what this sh*t is like.

 

[Muttly]

@DharmaGirl <3 Hang in there. We understand

@ShikibuZ Maybe you can write the letter to your neighbors here. Maybe it will give us a good laugh?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Also, I have become the ninja master of not leaving the house, so I get what your're saying!

I am too, lol. I love this thread and have learned so much. It is so good to have people in my life that does get it. Maybe we are more real than we know.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@Freemartin From one ninja to another :ninja:

Maybe you can write the letter to your neighbors here. Maybe it will give us a good laugh?

Dear Tacky (insert stream of obscenities here) Unconscionable Neighbor,

Your need to illuminate a two mile radius of the neighborhood is indicative of your....(and it just spirals downward from there) (I didn't really write this letter...)

 

[LosingHope]

I wanted you to know that you are not alone! Christmas is a difficult time every year, but this year for me the lead up has been particularly stressful. Its the relationships and the stress of fitting everything in and the aftermath! Bring on February where everything starts to settle down a bit.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

I think most people on this site and in the friendly part of our world are well meaning and empathetic....

Thank you Tex :hug: