General Christmas Is Canceled!

[Tinyflame]

Lovinbiker,

Like seedling said a time might arise to give her a gift.

What about something totally different- a 'new' Christmas tradition, even small: bring over a treat for you both, or lights (small ones) totally different and totally somewhere new, or something she needs, or something that would make her laugh, or something small she would cherish? I think you might think of something. Something with no 'old' (past) connotations, but something new/ different.

By the way, much can happen between now and then.

 

[anni]

It's a nice thing you're so very receptive to her needs, you know. PTSD leaves us with slightly less than zero ego so it always, always comes as a bit of a shock when someone DOES show they're actually listening, and responding to something we've said.

I think Amethist did have a good point, in that we'r awfully given to making sweeping statements we mean at the time-perhaps mean for awhile but it doesn't always have to be carved in stone. Perhaps knowing the pressure is OFF for any expectaions about Christmas, she'll at least possibly not have an awful day-possibly a relaxed one, who knows? Since you do not live together, do maybe get your own tree up, quietly, if need be, and some decorations. Yes, you're together but if Christmas means something to you personally, at least do take the time to mark it's arrival for yourself if you can. It can be done respectfully, with no fanfare but well enough so you do not miss you own holiday. Plus, since she has a daughter perhaps it will be a nice treat to see things festive at your place, and the proverbial spirit of things there since her mother is so fragile at the moment.

Maybe her perception and memories of what Christmas is have been cancelled- obviously something there is terribly painful. Hopefully another type of day for both of you can sort of be invented, free of expectation, stress, memories she can't bear and whatever else caused her to make that statement. Some peaceful sort of Saturday , steak and salad instead of turkey, her favorite music instead of carols, you know?

It's tough to tell what will 'work', I know, but as a sufferer I would like to tell you that the thing which made the single most difference for me was bumping into the man who did just hung around and persisted in loving me. Healed so much- can't describe the difference this made in my life. Huge- as in HUGE. Everyone's different so don't wish to give you sort of 'false hope', but can only tell you what this did for me, personally.

All the best to you, and her. Do take care of yourself also, while taking such good care of her.

Anni

 

[anni]

ps- I hit 'Post Reply' and saw I'd been entirely redundant, and Junebug said the same exact thing! I could have been much less long winded and said 'What she said' and been done with it, thereby saving you much reading! :) She said it much more simply, too- as in got to the point in less than 20 paragraphs. :)

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi thank you all for your replies,

I will bring something for the both of us if I do get to see her before Christmas or indeed on Christmas. I fully intend on giving her what I have bought even if I do it in june :). I do not get my hopes up for seeing her anytime this year now she has said that she wants to be left alone so I gotta do that.

I feel at the moment she justs needs some time away from me and probably everyone. At Anni, The man who did just hung around and persisted in loving me, well I can say that that is me at the moment. I have no idea if it will work or not as only time will tell.

I do thank you all very much for your replies, and I hope it was a sweeping statement but I fear not. I will do what she asks and be here if she needs me, and will look after myself.

Take care all

 

[amethist]

Make your own plans for Christmas lovinbiker, maybe ones that could be re arranged if thing change. That way you will at least have something to look forward to yourself, not what you would really like to do, but better than sat watching the phone and wondering.

I might even try to arrange another "Party On The Web" again this year, it went down quite well last year.

I hope things get better for you both.

Amethist.

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi Amethist thanks,

I will do that as I do feel I need something to look forward to myself, I am trying not to sit and watch the phone or anything at the moment trying to live my life. I am gonna try and take care of myself.

I do at the moment feel lost without any kind of contact with her and I am doing lots for myself as im trying to keep my mind busy as well as my body. I fully understand why people say there other half at the moment as I feel part of me is missing.

A Party On The Web sounds like fun.

Thanks again.

 

[anni]

You sound so very, very kind. It's what would get through if anything will, but do please keep saving some of that kindness for yourself, ok?

I didn't make it to last year's party. It does sound like fun, doesn't it?

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi Anni,

Yes sounds like a good laugh and I could do with one, I will save some of my kindness for myself too that has been drummed into me on this forum.

I hope she is being kind to herself too as she does deserve it and maybe one day I will be able to give her some kindness again. In the meantime I will take good care of myself and be ready if I hear from her.

Thanks again take care all

 

[lovinbiker]

something that woulmakher laugh, or something small she would cherish? I thinkyou might think of something

By the way, much can happen between now and the.

I had to look this thread up to see who gave me the advise about something small she can cherish.
Thanks junebug I did as you said and although we split before christmas I gave her the gift anyway
She was touched by what I gave her and im pretty sure she will cherish it what ever happens.
Thanks Junebug
LB

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear lovinbiker, I am so glad. She will cherish you too, for it, and for your kindness to her, like anni said above. (Sorry anni, tried to quote you but I couldn't find the box! :rolleyes:)

Thanks lovinbiker because I looked this up and anni's quote said "it's (kindness) what would get through if anything will", but I read it as "It's what would get HER through, if anything will". -So very true.

You have been so kind, I know you will see something good. (And btw, between 'now-and-what-ever-happens" lots can happen). :)

Happy and Beautiful New Year to you :)

 

[lovinbiker]

Happy and Beautiful New Year to you :)

A happy new year to you too junebug
Thanks again to you and all who posted here
LB

 

[Froggie]

although we split before christmas I gave her the gift anyway

oh my gawd LB, my heart hurts for you, so sorry that you split up with your gf. You seemed so in love with her. You and Jawn seem to be such good hearted men and you both so deserve someone to appreciate you guys. you are both very special persons, I'm sure that you will both find someone who will be a loving complicity in your lives and your hearts !