Close To Kicking Someone's Head In...

[Virtues]

This intersection by my house... I think I need to avoid it and go the long way home from work.

I set up a volunteer opportunity for 5 of my troops, and they are still waiting on the Letters of Appreciation. I decided that I didn't have the time today to deal with this so I put my wife to work. The volunteer opportunity was through a mutual friend at our church, so I thought she could handle it.

I found out yesterday that I'm more than likely going to be facing a MedBoard for my back (strike 1)

There's a new woman working in the office at the church and she's a total f*cking c*nt from what my wife tells me, apparently she thinks because she works in the office she's next in charge under the Archbishop, long story short my wife left my troops hanging, which means I left my troops hanging (strike 2)

I pull up to this intersection off an access road to my house that people use to beat a stop light (which is against the law). Some guy in an SUV with a toy dog on his lap is blocking the intersection. I of course am in no mood to wait, so I pass him, and he surges forward and lays on his horn (STRIKE FUKING 3) I f*ckING LOST IT!!!! I slammed on my brakes, all my shit went flying onto the floor, I put my truck in park right in the middle of the intersection and got out of my truck. I was going to kick the living shit out of the guy...

Turns out he wasn't using the access road to beat the red light, he was shopping at a thrift shop off of the access road and I almost beat his ass in the middle of moving traffic for absolutely no reason at all. I swore I wasn't going to drive. Clearly this isn't working for me...

 

[steve1]

I hear you. If insurance companies ever figure out what we're like driving, oh shit. I carry bubble wrap in my truck and when shit starts to go sideways I grab a piece, pull it up on the steering wheel and pop the bubbles as I drive. Crazy as it sounds, it calms me down. This came after almost using my truck as a weapon last Aug. Good luck.

 

[Virtues]

Why do you suppose that what, at one time, was the most relaxing activity in the world "cruising" has become a precision bombing run on the first poor asshole that pisses me off when I'm having a bad day...

I have never felt such hate and discontent for another human being as I do when I'm behind the wheel of an automobile.

 

[steve1]

Me too. I can go from zero to redline over simple shit when I'm driving. Others have told me the same so we're not alone.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

You guys are not alone by a long shot. I had an anger management class that when we were finished everyone got one of these.

http://www.4imprint.com/product/102545

I keep it in the car right up on on the dashboard. Just about wore the son-of-a-bitch out.

In NJ they should be standard equipment.

Ba

 

[Fargo1]

Well I took it to zero to beating ass last year and had to spend a few months in the Klink. So try to keep a lid on it...

I highly recommend not enjoying time in a cell. Not a good place for one. Especially not a good place for one with PTSD...

 

[Virtues]

A few months ago someone vandalized my truck by kicking in one of the rear tail lights...

I'm starting to understand what happened...

 

[steve1]

Ya, prolly a good bet. Music helps to calm me as well. If I listen to rock & roll while driving, look out, but mellow music or all news or sports doesn't get me going.

 

[Wagon]

I don't drive. That does not help. Now I just want to kick the shit out of pedestrians.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

I posted this a few days ago. It helps me a lot when my blood begins to boil. It also seems to satisfy the Dragon. Makes him feel like he's in control.

Spock pointed out in the same thread that the look in a combat vets. eyes will usually end most confrontation when that vet. gets to the target acquisition mode. The eyes say simply "I'M NOT F#CKING AROUND".

Sinse beginning to use the count down I've never made it past 6. And, the process only took a split second.

1 2 3 IDENTIFY AND EVALUATE THE TARGET.
4 5 6 IS THE TARGET A THREAT TO ME OR MY FAMILY?
7 8 9 HOLD MY GROUND OR ACT
10 TAKE EM OUT.

SD

 

[Virtues]

SD, I tried the counting today. I think I'm going to need to find a different approach.

I had to go get my ears checked out (my right one has some inner ear stuff going on since I got blown up) anyways, I'm sitting waiting for my appointment when in walks this... well let's just call him a Junior Enlisted Warrior. He looks like a sack of fat just threw up in his cammies, all the paint is chipped off his chevrons (if he wasn't so fat you might have mistaken him for an officer his chevrons were so shiny). Anyways, I say nothing, just wait patiently for my appointment and thank God he's not mine to fix.

Doc comes out to grab me and the FAT SACK OF ASS just jumps right up, interrupts my appointment and starts making demands to this civilian doctor to stop working on me (mind you I out rank him by a ton) and draft him up this letter so he can be back in flight status. HOLY f*ck!!! First off, what stupid f*cking ass wants this ASS CLOWN as a crew chief on his bird? Second, I WILL f*ckING KILL YOU BECAUSE I CAN. Third, stop talking to this doctor like he owes you, go back to the barracks, unf*ck yourself then come back and schedule an appointment.

I start the counting thing...

Then the doctor tells me "O.K. so I'm going to hook you up to these electrodes, I need you to be completely relaxed, or I won't be able to get a good read on the test"

Yea!!! Scrap that test... reschedule!

 

[Wagon]

Hello Florian,

I see it is early days for you with the Beast, Fair enough. I also see good advice here from our members. Everyone has their timeline of applicability for their days with the Beast. Fair enough.

However, If I may outline some of your most recent post. Perhaps a bit in the spirit of a company commander or some shit like that, I'd like to give you a leg up here.

1. You tried what Sleeping Dragon suggested and then gave up. Hey buddy. Did you shoot a gun absolutely correct on the first time? Did you learn all your survival skills out of a book and then perform them 100% first time. Probably not. One thing you have not realized is that this is a whole new game.

2. The Junior Enlisted guy. Did you know his background? He had faded chevrons. Could it be he might be fighting the same beast you are? Just food for thought. We all act differently with this shit.

3. You recognize you have a problem, but I don't see the effort to address it head on. You need to see a doctor Florian. A shrink and you need to start addressing the core of what is wrong. anything less is just blather. What Sleeping Dragon suggested is somewhat a part of Cognitive Therapy. Stopping, recognizing, and then controling your actions.

I'm not trying to be hard on you here, I just note that there is no next step with you yet. We're here to help that, but you have to do the motions. First days are a bitch. Many of us have been suicidal, including myslef. Many of us have had and still have unmanageable feelings. But you can make that better.

Get into a program buddy and get there quick. Most of us threw away our honors and medals long ago. There are more important things now than military pride. Geedunk medals and recognition is what they do to keep you going for crap pay. You have the Beast now, thats is more important and more deadly than anything. And the more you manage that, the more your family will appreciate it and the more you will be able to manage. In this case pride can get in the way of survival.

Peace
Wagon.