Sufferer Closed off for a while. Looking for motivation to resume therapy.

[Dissected]

Constraining and restraining them amplifies them.

Biggest problem with emotions rests in others actions and reactions.

Feels like a double edged sword.

Damned if I repress.
Damned if I express.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Well if you dont repress then when you express it won't be explosive

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Explode on something inanimate or running till it's burnt out. Give yourself a clean slate, then dont repress but express at the time in more controlled expressions?

 

[Dissected]

Well if you dont repress then when you express it won't be explosive

I like the simplicity of this, and agree this is the ideal situation regarding anger than I want to work towards.
At the same time, it’s not consistent with my experience.

It’s like what you said about how others perceive the emotion.
The reputation and cultural norm of shame around anger often is utilized against me.

I know it isn’t true but there is this strange belief that many people in my life seem to hold that if someone expresses an anger that is not tempered ‘enough’, this individual is automatically in the wrong.
The act of visually displaying the anger seems to be bordering taboo, and instead of being read as “something is wrong” or “there is a problem that needs to be addressed” some sort of jujitsu happens and the takeaway becomes “the angry person is wrong”.

Because the nature of anger is so offensive and non-harmonious?
Not sure.
What I do know is that it will be difficult to reach the ideal of no repress, then no explosion while express while these norms exist.

Another factor to consider.
The level of anger varies from situation to situation.
I am capable of experiencing anger and calmly communicating/confronting another about a disruptive behavior.
This too is met with mixed results.
I find even when calm and non explosive, people are good at sensing the anger. Some people do not like being told that they are being disruptive or doing something “wrong”and will mirror back the anger.
Some people will laugh and say they didn’t realize they were behaving disruptively and adjust.
Just circled back to “how others will perceive the anger and respond”

 

[Dissected]

Explode on something inanimate or running till it's burnt out. Give yourself a clean slate, then dont repress but express at the time in more controlled expressions?

Will make attempts to clean the slate, but am predicting problems.
It’s incredibly difficult when anger bubbles up regarding certain issues. Certain issues in my life seem to have more anger built up behind them than others. The lesser distressing issues do have access to a healthier expression level of anger. Sometimes there is overflow, but just sometimes.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Yeah I get that, have experienced enough of it myself. Having that "the angry person is wrong" thrown at you when the anger is justified fans the flames of anger that much higher. Makes me angry thinking about the times that has been done to me

Lots of anger is a relatively new thing for me, few years, I recently started finding humour in some people's responses, when you know they are being manipulative in some way, can see it, I find it easier to deal with. Laugh, walk away, take a deep breath. Depends on who it is and how important it is to resolve the issue. A genuine laugh when someone is redirecting anger at you completely derails them. Breaks it for you too and clears your head. A barked derisive laugh conveys a lot, contains anger, but let's you disengage. Let it out in some way even if it's not quite how you want to.

Think anger is seen as bad by many, as no one likes being on the receiving end. Yet everyone has it, so much "psychology" out there now through the Internet many think themselves an expert and use wrong or bad techniques to get what they want.

You do not seem to be wrong and it sounds justified. Need a redirect like you are looking for, maybe many if there are some things you cannot avoid. I have one person who makes me furious just seeing him, family, I have to avoid him for now until I can work out what to do. Others I try the above, or get some distance and let the waves of anger bleed off slowly whilst active if I can.

Does visualising help?

If anger was a fire, as you get more fuel thrown on it, makes it grow into a blazing heat. Can you visualise that and imagine removing some fuel or the fire burning down? Deep breaths, slowing heartbeat and coolng down at the same time.

 

[Dissected]

@WinnieThePoohChris
Do not interact with me again.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@Dissected - if you don’t want to interact with another member, you can use the Ignore function so that you’ll no longer see their posts. That gives you control of what you’re seeing, rather than trying to control the way someone is using the forum.

 

[Dissected]

Mod Note:
@Dissected - if you don’t want to interact with another member, you can use the Ignore function so that you’ll no longer see their posts. That gives you control of what you’re seeing, rather than trying to control the way someone is using the forum.

Is there a way to hide my content from certain individuals?

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

You communicated back. I dont know you, just relate with some things. All good I'll ignore you, you ignore me.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@Dissected - snap! We just cross-posted! Left a brief response to this question in your Trauma Diary. Hit us up at Contact and we can talk through your options.