Codependency resources?

[EveHarrington]

Ok so many of you know about my struggles with my ex. When I started dating him, he admitted having codependency issues. It was a red flag to me but I didn’t let that stop me. So fast forward, we’ve been broken up for almost 2 months now but trying to be friends.

It came to my attention in chat tonight that this is a very codependent relationship. Yep.

I have RUN from codependent people in the past. The idea of needing/wanting someone to fix me just made my skin crawl.

This one slipped past my radar, even though I was told point blank. You know, denial....

So anyway, trying to be friends has been hella hard. Now that I know what I’m up against, I’m not sure I can continue to do this friend thing. It just hurts too much and is confusing.

My problem is that all of the stuff I’m finding is in support of the enabler/fixer. It’s not helpful to look at these articles and be put in the villain role of the emotional vampire.

I didn’t want to be put in this position. I don’t want to be fixed. But at the same time I see my role, always running to him to support, cuz yanno, who wouldn’t do that when someone drops everything for you? And yes, I am in an emotionally bad place right now so I do need support.

Does anyone have any good resources for someone who is in the “enabled” position and wants to get out/fix the situation? I’m tired of picking through all the articles who cast my position in a negative light.

Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sure Eve the book Co dependent No More by Melody Beattie. If I think of another good resource I will come back to this good for you on the realization. Hugs You can do this.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sure Eve the book Co dependent No More by Melody Beattie. If I think of another good resource I will come...

Thank you. I just requested it from my local library

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m still looking for resources.

It pisses me off how the internet places the codependent in the victim role, the one who has been used and abused and manipulated by the person who is being cared for. This is NOT how things manifested with us and my ex was NOT a victim of me.

The sad thing is that I want to heal. My ex’s track record shows that he does not. And yes, even HE is placing himself in the victim role. It’s just maddening. It takes two to tango and I admit my role in it all, always running to him for support. But at the end of the day HE made the decision to stay engaged with me. HE was getting something out of it, feeling needed and wanted.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Eve, I understand what you mean. You will like the book I recommended because it tears apart illusions and is quite fair to the side you are experiencing. I hope that you will enjoy it.

Hugs.

 

[EveHarrington]

I bought the codependency no more book and it’s somewhat ok, but at 25% into the book, it’s still geared toward the rescuer. I’m getting bits and pieces of helpful information. I have a feeling that what I’m looking for doesn’t exactly exist.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Go through the index and pick the chapters you are interested in. Hugs.

 

[joeylittle]

The interpersonal effectiveness sections in Dead Link Removed is possibly more general than what you are looking for, but does a good job with foundational stuff relating to communication, understanding boundaries, and intention.