Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Kubash16]

Man, I wish I was there to help you. We’d blast some music, put on some gloves, and have a ball.

 

[littleoc]

Progress.... which was back in March or April.

@Kubash16 I really appreciate that. I’m sure other people would love to help too. But I had to stop for medical reasons and because my mother stopped my progress. And my mother apparently doesn’t want help... the rest of the house is equal if not worse. And her side of the house doesn’t even have walking paths. She doesn’t even seem to realize that that’s weird.

 

[littleoc]

Slinky the cat was so happy to have somewhere safe to lay down.

When she hears a noise of something moving, she assumes it’s falling on her and she flees. It’s really sad.

 

[Kubash16]

Most hoarders don’t seem to get what they are doing is hoarding. They just see the stuff with this emotional attachment that says they can’t get rid of it. When you’ve talked to her about it, what is her reasoning?

 

[littleoc]

How it is now. Because I gave up. You can see I moved the bed to at least not be directly on the heat source. That was my main goal last winter. Get off the heat source, sleep better. Quit getting mold spores blown directly into my eyes.

But I had to put stuff around the room. Still way too much stuff. Can’t get rid of it. I have three closets but my mom is using all three for storage. So I still have no room.

But I took another room to use as an office. It’s pretty okay, space wise.

 

[bellbird]

Ohh, @littleoc . :hug::hug:
I am so sorry. I wish I could help you clean it too. Great work on the cleaning you've done so far.

I thought it was my fault.

It was not in any way your fault.

Nor is it your responsibility to clean.

 

[Kubash16]

You’ve done a lot of work but I understand the health issues getting in the way. I’m just afraid of how much worse it can get. Are you able to still do 1-2 bags worth each day? That way it’s not a huge full day project but you are continuing progress. I know you are working on moving out, but in the interim, it may help.

 

[littleoc]

Dorm room for reference.

 

[littleoc]

Bird/office room.

 

[Kubash16]

So much better! You’ve got this!

 

[littleoc]

When you’ve talked to her about it, what is her reasoning?

That she needs the stuff? That none of the men she lived with ever let her own things?

She went from living with abusive dad, straight to psycho husband, to sexist husband who wanted to have sex with his own daughter apparently, to my father who was a hoarder.

It’s really complicated.

It was not in any way your fault.

Nor is it your responsibility to clean.

Thanks :hug:

Are you able to still do 1-2 bags worth each day? That way it’s not a huge full day project but you are continuing progress. I know you are working on moving out, but in the interim, it may help.

I’m not sure. I was getting resistance. And flashbacks. My dad used to use cleaning hoards as a punishment. And I keep uncovering biohazards that have me running for inhalers because Nestle can’t bring me her vest when she lives here.

In fact, her service skills in general have gone downhill. I don’t want to explain right now but long story short she has to lay on a bed all day and do nothing and she’s really socially deprived right now.

I tried contacting therapists and even TV shows to help. My mom said she was “jealous” of my progress. But no matter how many times I go through and clean, there’s still nowhere for my stuff. Not even my toothbrush has a place. Even after ten years of trying to clean this place out, my mom just makes it worse than it was.

Except the kitchen. My little brother staged an intervention when the kitchen access was finally blocked off by the insane amount of shit everywhere. My mom spent the next two years complaining and blaming us for what she didn’t like. At least you can kind of get to the stove now. She didn’t help us at all.

 

[littleoc]

I mainly can’t cook because she re-covers the stove every week. Then yells at me about it. I can’t live here. The amount of flashbacks I get is insane.